If I have to see/hear one more pregnant person whining about their symptoms on FB…I’m going to scream! My wedding photographer just announced her pregnancy a couple of nights ago (she’s only 6 weeks) and was already complaining about having to get up and pee at 3am. I commented “Be Thankful”. Not many people outside of my immediate family, a couple friends and DH’s sister know about our problems, but I seriously wanted to put on my status last “If you’re pregnant, please quit whining about your symptoms and just be Thankful because some of us would be ecstatic to be feeling that way!”. Grrr
Personally, I don’t think fertile women or women who have experienced infertility are neccessarily whining when they talk about the symptoms. I talk about my symptoms with my husband because it’s a way of sharing with him what’s going on with me. I also will also talk about my symptoms with my friends if it comes up. I don’t think it’s whining. It’s not that I’m not appreciative that I’m pregnant, it’s just normal to talk about what’s going on with ourselves. If I have a migraine, I say my head hurts. If my Fibromyalgia flares up, I talk about my muscle aches. While pregnant I talk about the symptoms. It’s not whining, it’s just relating to other people.
I think sometimes as women who experience infertility we are sensitive to these things because it sounds like someone is being unappreciative if they say they hate how much they’re having to get up to pee. That doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be pregnant or don’t appreciate the miracle of it just the same. For example, I was talking to my SIL via email today and I was telling her how much I hate how much my boobs are getting in the way because they now occupy space that they didn’t used to, and so I hit them on things or swipe them with my arm. With how sensitive they are, it hurts a lot. Just because I said that to her doesn’t mean I’m whining about it. I was just telling her about what I’m going through. I tried to get pregnant for over 4 years! I know infertility, so I DEFINITELY appreciate my pregnancy and would take every pregnancy symptom in the book times 1,000 just to have this baby. I have a lot of health problems and I do have to give up a lot of my own personal comfort and life activities for this pregnancy, but I’m willing to do it. However, it’s only natural that I’m going to say my back hurts if it does. My baby is just as appreciated and wanted even with the symptoms and my sharing them.
I’m not trying to say you are wrong for feeling frustrated by her post, as I dealt with guilt the first week I knew I was pregnant because I was telling my husband how queasy I was. I followed that statement by, “not that I am complaining, I’m happy I’m pregnant.” He looked at my puzzled and said, “I know you’re happy, just because you’re feeling sick doesn’t mean you’re not happy about the pregnancy.” I then explained to him that I felt like after all the struggles we went through to get pregnant, I didn’t have the right to complain. He said to me, “why should you have any less right to complain than any other pregnant woman?” That stuck with me. I think sometimes as women with fertility issues we feel like we can only be happy about our pregnancies and nothing else because we’ve fought so hard to get to this state…but why our are emotions, feelings, aches, and pains any less valid? I know that’s a little different than what you’re saying, but I think it’s the same principle at heart.
[B]I think it’s just normal to talk about what’s going on with ourselves pregnant or not, and many women see the trials and tribulations we go through during pregnancy as badges of honor, not as whining or complaining. [/B]
I think if these things bother you, it may be advisable to delete pregnant women or new mothers from your FB account (or just not use FB at all). I know when we were trying to conceive and couldn’t I almost never signed on FB. I had the 3 closes people to me in my life all pregnant at the same time, and they all were posting on there regularly. I didn’t want to delete them because they’re all family or like family, and I definitely didn’t want to take away from their happiness because they deserve to be happy about their pregnancy, regardless of my fertility issues. So, in the end I just avoided FB. I also knew that as soon as I was pregnant I was going to want to share it with the world! We went through so much to get here, and we had really supportive family and friends. They knew what we were going through, so as soon as we found out we made the announcement (including on FB). I know some people like to wait, but it was the right choice for us because with my health, there was no hiding it, nor was it safe to. It’s a personal decision, and when it’s made I expected that if friends didn’t agree with it or want to hear about it, they would either say something to me or block me on FB. I deserve to be happy about it and share my experiences, but of course would take other’s feelings into consideration if they made me aware of them.
I get what you’re saying, however…
1.) yes, sometimes they are whining.
2.) FB is how I connect with people about both of my businesses so staying off really isn’t an option for me.
and 3.) This is where I come to be able to vent my frustrations and hopefully find other people feeling the same way sometimes so finding a 4 paragraph lecture (and that’s what it felt like to me) from you isn’t what I need or want. Sorry.
Do people really write status updates about their peeing habits? Wow. That’s weird, regardless if you’re pregnant or not.
I’ve always thought FB was about showing off the glamorous facade of your life, for some people at least.
I totally understand your frustrations with pregnant people. Most who have not experienced any sort of troubles conceiving take for granted every new feeling, good or bad, with their pregnancy.
It is hard to hear people complain when I would trade anything in the world to experience what they are going through and experiencing.
I know so many people who are pregnant now and I love hearing their stories, but there is just a naive attitude towars people who struggle getting pregnant. They don’t understand. But I will tell you one thing, I would never, never, want anyone to have to go through what you, me and so many others have to go through to get pregnant.
Hang in there and soon it will be you!
Pdot, I fell 100% the same! Not sure if its possible for you to do bc of business relationships, but I stopped facebook from showing me updates from certain (pregnant & new mom) friends. That way, I’m still ‘friends’ with them, but I dont get bombarded with posts about symptoms, growing belly pics and new born announcment pics.
I’m at the age where everyone and their sister is having a baby.
Hang in there!
I think floorbyfloor taking the time to type a lengthy response to this post (quite politely BTW) was not only kind, but probably partially therapeutic for her to vent about those people in the AI community telling her she can’t talk about her pregnancy in anything but ridiculously glowing terms… and just like it was for the original poster, it’s her place to speak her mind as well. If you don’t want people’s genuine thoughts and dialog then you might consider not posting YOUR whining in a venue specificly designed for people’s genuine thoughts and dialog.
This is always an interesting topic. I think regardless of what side of the fence you sit on- easy to conceive or not so easy, we have to try as we can to see the view from the other side of the fence. It doesn’t bother me when people whine about their pregnancy symptoms because that is their existence. Just because they can’t empathize with me, it doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to have whatever experience they chose to have. I have friends who post all day and all night about stuf I don’t feel like reading about, I have put them in the aquaintance file so that I don’t have to see their posts everyday unless I want to. Pdot- maybe you can do that instead of cutting out facebook all together. When I was pregnant with my son, I felt like I couldn’t complain about how I felt because I thought I would seem ungrateful for my blessing. As I got more comfortable with being pregnant, I realized that it was ok to say I have a migraine so bad that I must lie still with the lights out or my heart burn was bad that I had to sleep sitting up. I tiptoed around my friends that were still trying because I didn’t want them to feel bad but in doing so, I also diminished my own experience. I realized that there was a balance between being joyful for myself and respectful of others. I hope that you can find a solution to having to hear and read all of the whining so that it doesn’t bother you so much.
Pdot-- I know that feeling of reading things you just can’t stomach at the moment. I just hide their stories and any future ones they have until it’s “safe”. Maybe you could do that.