If only my parents/friends/etc knew


#1

After the “spring break” I’ve had…blah!!! Feel free to add your own vents and frustrations!!

If my parents only knew…
… I wouldn’t have to hide DH’s supplements, my opk’s and hpt’s and thermometer, and dosage list, appointment cards, alcohol wipes, etc, and hope they don’t open the cabinet or frig and see IF related things every time they swing by my house. And I’ll be darned, I forgot to hide the brand new boxes of opk’s and hpt’s that were on the counter today, and the prescription receipts last Saturday when the 'rents and big-bro’s fam were here.

…that I’m taking a large amount of hormones that make me want to rip people’s faces off when they upset me, maybe they wouldn’t recommend me going ahead and getting my PhD to keep my “visiting instructor position” for next year. This would require me to either sell our house and move, or rent an apartment in order to go to a university which is an hour+ from my house, along with dr.'s appointments 2 hours away from the school and still teaching full time. Yeah, that’ll work well!

…that I’ve spent two days of my spring break with my bare butt out on a doctors table, in an unflattering position with a transvaginal wand in my you know what, and get to take an extra day out of work next week in an attempt to give them additional grandchildren, maybe they wouldn’t guilt me into going to the airport to pic up my bro and fam on Saturday, when there are other people that could pick them up besides just me. I’ve spent the week by myself while DH is at work, he was home late Mon, gone Wed night and tonight (see a few posts down, he’s at a “gig”), something will probably come up this weekend, and you, Mom and Dad, just shot a good 3 hours or more of baby making time with guilting me into the airport trip. And, I’ll have to probably find a way out of having dinner/hanging out with them when I drop them off at their house.

…that I’m really trying my best to get pregnant and having a hard time dealing with the fact that it isn’t going well, and though I’m really happy for her, maybe my mother would stop bringing up my pregnant cousin who got pregnant a month after she got married EVERY TIME I see her. Yes, she’s having her baby soon. Yes it’s mean, but I don’t want to hear about it. I wish her the best, now stop bringing it up. I’m sure it’s all I will hear about until something new happens in our family, so stop throwing it in my face!

…that we’re racking up our formerly paid off credit cards with medical bills to be able to have children, maybe my father wouldn’t lay a guilt trip on me for my husband getting together with a somewhat established bar band to make a little extra cash. Dad tells me tonight, “he really shouldn’t be in that environment, around those types of people.” Excuse me? Do I want him in a smoky environment? No, but he doesn’t drink or smoke, it’s not like “those” people will rub off on him. It’s one night, not even once a week (I know, probably still not the best for our situation). And he used to have his own band and was in the same environment, but all the money went to the “band” fund. It’s something he loves doing, so why should I tell him “you shouldn’t be around those types of people”? (well, really because we’re trying to get pg!, but I don’t think one night will make that huge of a difference…i hope?..)

Ugh!!!


#2

Urghhhhh!

I hear you loud and clear and have issues with my mom but they are a little different.

I have 2 kids from a previous marriage…recently remarried and my DH doesnt have any kids. My tubes were tied so we untied them in March of 2009. Since then we have been TTC. His family and most of my family are excited and waiting impatiently for us to get Preggos. My mom and brothers on the other hand are very negative about it, inconsiderate and down right rude.

My mom says…God will give you a baby when he wants and that fertility treatments are not the way to go. So we tell her nothing of whats going on.

One of my brothers says…You already have 2 kids, he needs to just accept them and suck it up. (DH accepts my kids as if they are his own…in our wedding he even said vows to my kids) But they always have something negative to say. My Aunts and cousins are soo much more excited about it and supportive as well as all of his family. It just seems to be my immediate family that has a problem with it.

And the bad part is that I dont ask them for anything…and I mean NOTHING! So why they think they have the right to tell me if I should or should not have more kids is beyond me. But it hurts my feelings that they are not excited or at least happy for us trying. I tell my mom that when I go to dr. apts that its to check on the size of cysts. I should not have to lie but to keep my stress down and any drama, I have to lie. I hate that I do but I just cant wait for my :bfp: and when I tell my family I hope that they will be happy for us and not negative.

Thanks for this thread I needed to get it off of my chest and can’t talk to too many people without it getting back to the fam.

Hoping and :pray::pray:for us all that this is our month. :bfp::bfp::bsv::babydust::babydust:


#3

OnlyNeed1 – I freaking LOVE your post. It’s that frustrated girl that is in all of us because we are sad, frustrated, angry, and deal with all this stuff while no one else really understands. Thanks for the venting, it made me smile knowing that I’m not alone in feeling this way.


#4

If my family only knew…

…We have been going through fertility treatments for 2 years and have more failed attempts then I know what to do with.

…Maybe then they would see how truely strong I am for coming to all of the birthday parties, all of the family events, all of the baby showers, and all of the holidays where I buy everyone else’s kids presents and I just suck it up.

…Maybe then they’d treat me like I’m a freaking adult and ask me every once in a while how I’m feeling instead of thinking that I’m just not strong enough to talk about it. Little do they know that I talk to my friends about it just fine. They just don’t bother to ask because it makes them uncomfortable, therefore I say nothing to my family about it.

If everyone (friends, family, acquaintences) only knew…

…How much it hurts when yet another clomid cycle or IUI doesn’t work…

…Maybe then they wouldn’t say things like maybe God doesn’t want you to have it all, or it’s just not God’s plan for you, or just adopt, or just feel lucky you don’t have to get up early, or having kids isn’t everything.

…To those hurtful things I say “REALY PEOPLE!”

If having kids isn’t everything then why is it that all those who have them say I just can’t imagine life without them?

And if it’s not God’s plan for me, and HE doesn’t want me to have it all, that is for him to show me, not you to tell me… And who exactly are you to say that He doesn’t want me to have it all. It’s very hurtful and comes across as saying that God just really doesn’t think I be a good enough parent so he didn’t write it into his plan for me. While you, my friend, are so great that you can pop out 2,3,4 kids without ever once trying to be a parent.

Whew…venting can be so liberating!


#5

Yes, it does feel liberating. And the hubs gets tired of hearing me! Glad I could help you feel better!!


#6

I hear ya! That’s why these boards are so great…our poor DHs…My DH can only say so much to make me feel better. He’s a fixer and it just kills him that he can’t “fix” this. Good luck to ya :bsv:


#7

I love this thread! I feel like someone else is taking a peak into my life!


#8

Bad times in 2010

I am so sorry you are going through this. 2010 was a very rough year for me and my husband.

Soo if you have time to read this… I need to get this off my chest.

10 more days to go to get to March 30. I’ve been thinking and thinking… this time last year, I was the happiest person alive… I was pregnant was going to hit 12 weeks, and everything was perfect…until march 30, my baby didn’t have a heart beat. I remember walking into the drs. room to my ultrasound, me and my husband were so excited to see our little bean… The lady kept on moving the wand around, and I remember seeing the baby on the ultrasound, I could’nt stop smiling. I remember seeing these bars come up, with a line going across it… I thought to myself, maybe shes recording the heart beat?? … SO anyway… she put the wand away, and said the dr will be in in just a minute…before he got there I told my husband … you think everything is okay? … he told me everything is fine babe… well it wasn’t. I heard what I didn’t think I would hear. It was the worst moment in my entire life… and you wanna know what the second and third were? The second was … my husband inserting the misopristol pills close to my cervix to cause the contractions… and the 3rd… was sitting on the toilet… in the most unbearable pain possible… and feeling and hearing a mass fall into the toilet… and hearing ng my husband say… that was it babe, and seeing tears in his eyes as our little bean lay in the toilet… lifeless. :frowning:

Days passed… I didn’t think it could get any worse… but having to see my husbands brothers girlfriend, pass the milestones that I would have already passed was painful. She got pregnant a month after I did, and at first I thought itd be neat to be pregnant together.

So the dr. told us we could try 3 months after… and we did… I got a BFP in August… I thought this was it…! I was so excited… turns out my husbands cousins wife got pregnant the same time around me and we were 2 weeks apart… but this time no matter how excited we were we didn’t tell anyone anything…and for good reason… I miscarried again… 9 weeks along and it was a blighted ovum. I would be due April 12…

The second time it wasn’t that hard for me because I didn’t see a baby… but emotionally and mentally its hard… I ask myself will I be able to conceive a baby and carry to term.

I’ve told myself that I will I am still young.

I am 21 years old and so is my husband. We don’t smoke or drink… and we have never done drugs. I took very well care of myself in both pregancies.

Now what I find hope in is royal jelly. I bought myself a jar and am expecting it in the mail. I am staying on prenatal vitamins and hope this does the trick.

I really want a baby, I want something that has a piece of me and my husband, is it too much to ask?

Im sorry for rambling on, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

Hoping we all get pregnant and carry to term.


#9

[quote=crystal777]I am so sorry you are going through this. 2010 was a very rough year for me and my husband.

Hoping we all get pregnant and carry to term.[/quote]
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar experience when I miscarried. I’d gone in on Monday for my first appointment, scheduled the first ultrasound for the following week. Unfortunately, I started spotting Thursday at lunch. They fit me in, did the ultrasound early, and there was a heartbeat. Our baby was a little smaller than it should have been, but there was a heartbeat. I started progesterone suppositories the next night, and the bleeding just got worse through the weekend. When I went in for my scheduled ultrasound the following Wednesday, the heartbeat that had been there 7 days before was no longer. The next day, I had to go in for another u/s in the radiology department to confirm what the Ob had already told me. The worst part…it was an abdominal u/s so I had to hold my liquids, and they were running so far behind I nearly wet my pants by the time it was over. If better circumstances, I wouldn’t have cared that I about peed my pants, but that was all to have her take pictures, then not say anything and send the results to the Ob. I chose to have a D&C the next day, not wanting to have to see my baby (and not wanting to let it pass naturally while I might have been teaching). I also distinctly remember my mother’s voice calling my father into the bathroom when she miscarried when I was 7; I couldn’t go through it myself.

It’s funny how we don’t like to talk about having a miscarriage sometimes. It’s almost like feeling like failure. But I realize now how common it is, and now so many people that have gone through it themselves. My best friend had one a year before mine,her sister-in-law just had one, another good friend had a blighted ovum last fall, my husband’s friend’s wife had one before conceiving there daughter, … I realize this, but then still choose not to talk about it; most of our friends don’t even know it happened. This forum has been so helpful to me, finding others who are going through similar circumstances. Good luck to you!!!


#10

re.

I am so sorry you had to go through that, its a bump in the road that will make us stronger.

Yeah it is funny how we don’t like to talk about miscarriages… but yet its so common. The same time I had a miscarriage… 3 other people had one too…

I never thought they were this common until it happened to me and people would open up and tell me.

You’re probly familiar with what I go through… all the time… people feel like they HAVE to tell me about whose pregnant and etc… my MIL, my mom, my sister, people tell me, I wish they wouldn’t cus it just feels like a slap in my face. How come my body can’t do what many others can. :frowning:

I wish you luck in 2011, and luck to myself too.


#11

If only my parents/friends knew

If only my parents knew…
That this is one of the most difficult things I have gone through in my entire life. Never before have I been pitted against my own mind to this degree.
To my parents I say: There are many times that I wish you would help me. You know that I can’t afford the treatments, or that they take an excruciatingly long time to save up for. As you’ve seen the depression and suicidal thoughts I am gone through, I wish you would help me in all the ways parents would try to help me, instead of just leaving me to fend on my own. This baby obsession and the difficulty getting pregnant is a big trigger, and given that I am very poor you know I have difficulty affording things. Before this ‘baby obsession’ I didn’t have trouble with depression. But this, it’s killing me. I have very little joy, and the therapist I was assigned to is pregnant, so I had to stop seeing her. If you loved me, why would you make me do this infertility on my own, even though it’s a potent trigger for depression? If I was suffering from cancer, money for you wouldn’t be an issue…

To my friends… What I am about to say will sound very crazy. But what I have, no shrink I have talked to has ever heard of it before. I call it The Beast, Despair, The Dark Night of The Soul, but that’s my name for it. I have an obsession, a strong desire to have kids, but it’s not really me. One day I wasn’t interested in having kids, and then the next, BAM! I was overcome with a extreme desire to become pregnant. But it isn’t a normal desire, as I didn’t ruminate over it and slowly come to a descision. I was not there one day and then there the next. It’s an actual sickness, as it’s intensity is extremely abnormal, and that when I did take one of the few meds (before they stopped working) I had NO pregnancy obsession. I have had this thing for 4 years, and trying to run from it before I decided to finally give in to it had left me in the psych hospital twice, because any feeling that I couldn’t give in left my feeling with suicidal thoughts. I wanted this misery to end, even with my death. This obsession is not me, it’s not normal. Most meds don’t work, or if they do, they work for a little time before I have to ask the doctor to increase the dose. The only meds that worked, I topped out at the maximum safe dosage as they would only work for two weeks, before they started to stop working. I would have kept going, even onto unsafe dosages, because it was the only substance that offered relief. My mind is like a burnt out motor from having the obsession 24-7, and I am exhausted mentally and emotionally. Many times I begged God to remove this abnormal desire, and He hasn’t. Every day I go to work, and one of my co-workers is pregnant. Every holiday, my releatives bring babies and kids. I have forfitted my moral values over this, sleeping with a man even though I wanted to remain a virgin. But if I don’t try anything, I’ll go mad. And to not concieve, is lethal.

If I have kids from this, it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love them and take care of them in best way I knew how. But I always wanted children in the context of a marriage, where I could concieve them with my husband in our deepest intimacy. I just didn’t want to have them by some mental crazyness like this.

I probably sound like some nut job, but I am truelly miserable. I’ve been to doctors, and psych hospitals, and none of their meds work or even last. I don’t dare speak of this to my fertility doctor, for fear he might refuse any more treatment. I don’t dare speak of this to any but a few, because people get upset at the idea of someone having a child out of the context of doing it willingly. Like I said, any child I did have I would love it and care for it, but this wasn’t what I really planned on how to do things.


#12

:smiley: That’s exactly what I thought when I read OnlyNeed1’s first post! Made me LOL.


#13

If only…

…my friends knew, I could post how I really feel on Facebook without feeling guilty about it, or making someone feel sorry for me. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I want you to try and understand what I’m going through. Instead, only 2 of my friends really know what’s going on. I would LOVE to start posting infertility stats and info as my status updates, just to see what people have to say about it. I wonder if they’d actually ask why my posts were about…

…my parents knew, I wouldn’t have had to lie to them yesterday about being in class and not being able to have lunch with them. I would have been able to say “I’m having an IUI today”.

…my “friends” on Facebook knew, maybe they’d be a little more sensitive about announcing their happy news. I’d rather they block me in their updates than me have to block one more person!! Two people in two days. And two people in two weeks on baby #3 within 4 years. Remember those hormones…? Yeah, they make we want to rip their faces off!!

…my extended family knew, I wouldn’t feel guilty for not being excited to see my new born cousin. I’m sorry, right now, I just don’t think I can emotionally handle it. I don’t think I can hide the tears that will inevitably form.

this 2ww may be the death of me yet!


#14

you took the words right out of my mouth…great venting thread!!!

[quote=OnlyNeed1]…my friends knew, I could post how I really feel on Facebook without feeling guilty about it, or making someone feel sorry for me. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I want you to try and understand what I’m going through. Instead, only 2 of my friends really know what’s going on. I would LOVE to start posting infertility stats and info as my status updates, just to see what people have to say about it. I wonder if they’d actually ask why my posts were about…

…my parents knew, I wouldn’t have had to lie to them yesterday about being in class and not being able to have lunch with them. I would have been able to say “I’m having an IUI today”.

…my “friends” on Facebook knew, maybe they’d be a little more sensitive about announcing their happy news. I’d rather they block me in their updates than me have to block one more person!! Two people in two days. And two people in two weeks on baby #3 within 4 years. Remember those hormones…? Yeah, they make we want to rip their faces off!!

…my extended family knew, I wouldn’t feel guilty for not being excited to see my new born cousin. I’m sorry, right now, I just don’t think I can emotionally handle it. I don’t think I can hide the tears that will inevitably form.

this 2ww may be the death of me yet![/quote]


#15

…the girls at work knew, then they’d stop bringing babies that have been brought into the office for a visit by someone on mat leave and saying “I thought you’d be first in line for a cuddle of the baby”

They enter the open plan office where I work and say “looook what Ivvvvve got!!” and everyone goos and gaahs. I exit the room as quickly as possible and go and talk to someone in another room about a work topic. When it’s hard though, I go and hide in the toilets and blink away my tears.


#16

[quote=OnlyNeed1]…my friends knew, I could post how I really feel on Facebook without feeling guilty about it, or making someone feel sorry for me. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I want you to try and understand what I’m going through. Instead, only 2 of my friends really know what’s going on. I would LOVE to start posting infertility stats and info as my status updates, just to see what people have to say about it. I wonder if they’d actually ask why my posts were about…

…my parents knew, I wouldn’t have had to lie to them yesterday about being in class and not being able to have lunch with them. I would have been able to say “I’m having an IUI today”.

…my “friends” on Facebook knew, maybe they’d be a little more sensitive about announcing their happy news. I’d rather they block me in their updates than me have to block one more person!! Two people in two days. And two people in two weeks on baby #3 within 4 years. Remember those hormones…? Yeah, they make we want to rip their faces off!!

…my extended family knew, I wouldn’t feel guilty for not being excited to see my new born cousin. I’m sorry, right now, I just don’t think I can emotionally handle it. I don’t think I can hide the tears that will inevitably form.

this 2ww may be the death of me yet![/quote]

I hear ya on the facebook situation. It just got so bad for me that I deactivated my account. I’m glad that you have 5 kids and can’t seem to STOP getting pregnant, and oh thanks for posting 1000 pictures of them as well. I swear it seemed every day that I logged in, someone else was announcing a pregnancy.

For me, it’s been so much better since I’ve been off FB, I’m so much more at peace. And I have no problem staying in touch with my real friends.

Just a thought, you can deactivate and always re-activate and all your friends and info will be there.

Baby dust to everyone!!:babydust:


#17

[quote=yellowduck]I hear ya on the facebook situation. It just got so bad for me that I deactivated my account. I’m glad that you have 5 kids and can’t seem to STOP getting pregnant, and oh thanks for posting 1000 pictures of them as well. I swear it seemed every day that I logged in, someone else was announcing a pregnancy.

For me, it’s been so much better since I’ve been off FB, I’m so much more at peace. And I have no problem staying in touch with my real friends.

Just a thought, you can deactivate and always re-activate and all your friends and info will be there.

Baby dust to everyone!!:babydust:[/quote]

I’ve actually deleted my bookmark on my computer and moved my icon on my blackberry to the bottom of another folder. I’m going to try to stay off of it for at least a little while. I went to a Christian college, where most everyone is Baptist. They move quick, I tell ya what! Everyone joked that it was “Southwest Bridal University” and boy were the right about that for a good percentage of students. I was raised Baptist, started dating my now DH the end of my sr year of h.s., and we dated 6 years before we got married, but I had roommates/hallmates that dated and married, and started popping out kids before we even said “I do”! Now some of them are on baby 2 or 3. I realize we’re getting older, but 3 in 4 years? My closest friend from college just had 2 literally a year apart-a girl, then a boy. It’s hard for me to [I]not [/I]say, “Well lucky you…” What’s funny, is I can handle some of the preggos on FB, and haven’t blocked them. Others just make we want to scream!!


#18

[quote=OnlyNeed1]…my friends knew, I could post how I really feel on Facebook without feeling guilty about it, or making someone feel sorry for me. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I want you to try and understand what I’m going through.

…my parents knew, I wouldn’t have had to lie to them yesterday about being in class and not being able to have lunch with them. I would have been able to say “I’m having an IUI today”.

this 2ww may be the death of me yet![/quote]

OMG…I couldn’t agree more. That is exactly the point I try to make to EVERYONE around me that knows what I am going through. I don’t want your pity, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, I just want you to try to understand and have some empathy. EMPATHY and PITY are two very different things.

Good luck in your 2ww…:bsv:


#19

If my MIL only knew how time consuming and stressful IT were she would keep her mouth shut! Today I told her that I would be moving on to IVF after 3 failed IUI (if this month doesn’t work) and would love to do the procedures over spring break (we finally have a nice long break scheduled this year), and she says “Well remember we are leaving on the 21st for a short vacation (camping) so do it before then”

I now want to do it on the 22nd! And want to scream at her!


#20

I just feel like crying…

I feel so bummed out… I just want to get in the shower and cry… so that my husband won’t know how much I suffer inside.

I am so happy for his cousin thats wife had a baby boy last night. He came out healthy. Its their first baby. and that they want to try for another one soon so that they could have them close in age.

It breaks my heart. I would be due on April 12 (2nd preg)… and March 30th will be 1 year from my first miscarriage.

I really want a baby. It breaks my heart that I can’t do what other woman can.
Dr. says its bad luck… but deep inside I don’t know what to think.

:frowning: its a tough time for me…and I know for some of you too.

:frowning: :frowning:
I pray to God to please help my husband and I have a baby.

I went to my Primary Dr. to check my thyroid and that was fine. And she did some hormone tests on me to see if those are okay, have an appt april 21… something my OB didn’t do.

Anyway… so I think I will just go and cry now. . . . :frowning: