If only my parents/friends/etc knew


I hear ya, sister! We’ve only just begun the fertility craziness, but your comments about your parents and your work - I totally get it! Hang in there and best of luck to you!

:paw: fabulous pup who needs a little buddy!
:pray: IUI #1 8/3/2011
:grr: Trying NOT to get obsessed over the next 2ww.


the latest, stemming from a Facebook incident:

I said a couple of weeks ago that I hadn’t been sleeping well, and it seems to be for no apparent reason. My sister-in-law IMMEDIATELY assumed I was pregnant and had the nerve to ask me!

If only people knew…

…if I’m not sleeping well, it definitely isn’t because I’m pregnant. More than likely, it’s due to HRT, and it’s driving me crazy! HRT sucks sometimes. I’m not on anything this month, but the clomid last month gave me the [I]craziest [/I]dreams. And, I wonder if I’m still coming off of it, because the dreams haven’t completed stopped and I’m still waking up for no reason in the early a.m.; which happened my first two months of clomid.

…when they say “you look tired”, I’d really like to say, “you try revving your body up on hormones and them crashing after not taking them the next month.”

…[I][B]when[/B][/I] I finally am pg, I will [I][B]not [/B][/I]be posting anything on FB to even make people think that I might be. I have friends that are struggling too. So, [I][B]don’t friggin’ ask me outright if I am pregnant! Sheesh!!![/B][/I]


…that we’ve reached the point in the road where it looks like IVF may be our only option. Not only can we not afford the IVF, but we can’t totally afford monthly payments for the next “x” months while we pay off an IVF round, as we’re still paying off the two failed IUIs.

…that the thought of IVF [B]completely [/B]terrifies me, to the point I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to talk about it to anyone, including my husband. I try to be positive, but he’s the realist. It might not work. We might spend $10,000+ (goodbye dream kitchen) and only come out of it with disappointment and no baby (and more weight gain, sigh).

…that the fear of telling my family that we have to do IVF won’t result in the response I so selfishly want (from our parents, “we’ll help you cover the cost as much as we can”), and will instead result in some form of judgement or disappointment. Not in understanding, but in question after question to the point of driving me crazy rather than feeling that we’re being supported in our decision.

…that I want them to understand the selfish desire to try to have a biological comes first before adoption for us. And that they need to believe me when I tell them the costs are about the same. I’m not ready to give up yet on making our own baby…but I’m exhausted at the same time.

…that I’ve known for nearly the last year that more than likely this is what the result would be. That it would come down to “IVF or no baby”. But now that that is what the story is, I don’t want to think about it for fear I will completely lose it. I asked myself last year if I’d be okay with IVF, and I am, but I’m not ready for it.


(thought of another one that has occurred twice in the last month)

If only my soon-to-be-82-year-old grandma knew that we’re struggling with getting pregnant and are going to more than likely resort to IVF, maybe she’d stop asking me every Thursday when I stop by if I have time to go see Ben (the cousins baby). Now, this poor kid has never done anything to me, and I’ve never even held him or paid that much attention to him, which makes me feel slightly guilty. He’s almost 7 months old, I’ve only seen him once, and he wouldn’t know me from Adam. Which is the exact opposite of another cousin’s kids 13 and 10 years ago. Even though they lived out of town, those babies knew me, and I’d steal 'em from any relative I could! I spoiled them every time I went to visit. My Thursday schedules happen to work out so that I have a little time between working at Lowe’s and my tutoring job to stop by my Gma’s house. Both times I’ve done so, it’s one of the first questions out of her mouth, “do you have time to go see Ben?” (the grandparents watch him on Thurs). Luckily, I don’t have time to go see Ben, but I wonder what would happen if I just said, “Actually, I do, but I really don’t care to. He’s just a reminder of the fact that my 2nd IUI failed. After all, he was born on the same day.”

Horrible, right? I know. But his mother drives me friggin’ insane! Seven months of **** on FB, like “Ben cried all night.” Boo-freaking-hoo!!! That’s what babies do. Get the **** over it and appreciate the ease at which you were able to have him. I can’t get pregnant and have a diagnosis, I’ve got a friend who’s been trying longer than us and doesn’t have a diagnosis, and the co-worker of my husband’s whom I spoke of in an earlier vent just lost their 20 week old son because her placenta tore. Stop taking your child for granted!!


Thanks for this thread, it makes me feel like I’m not going completely insane.

Some family and friends know of DH and my fertility “issues”, but my mother gave me a zinger yesterday when she said that next year we shouldn’t exchange Christmas gifts and should make it “all about the kids” (my twin sis has 2 kids and my bro has 1 on the way). WTH, Mom. Then she quickly followed up with “of course we’ll get Kaiya a present” (Kaiya is our dog). I don’t care about the Christmas gifts, but way to be supportive.

My biggest grievance, however, is the # of my friends who complain about their kids or post every single thing their kids do on FB. I don’t care if your kid peed on the floor or if they kept you up all night screaming. Don’t you understand that I want your problems.

But I am left mute as I don’t want to publicly post our fertility issues as I have grown to loathe the “pitty” responses I get when we have to tell people: “aw, it will happen when it’s meant to happen” or “relax and hang in there”. I just want to scream, “shut-up, you have no freaking clue what you are talking about and unless you’ve been through this hell, I don’t want to talk to you”. Ha, no doubt they’ll just call me hormonal (which is probably true).


If only my husband had a clue as to what we women go through emotionally, and understood that I’m not the only woman that feels the way I do!

Last night he asked why I haven’t spoken up to my family, about not wanting to only talk about the newest grandbaby. How could my family ever understand how I feel, without think I’m a heartless *****? What should I have said to them in Feb/March when it was all about Ben? “Oh, well my DH has been giving me nightly shots for the last two cycles so we could TRY and get pregnant…through a friggin’ syringe…”? I can hear the crickets chirping now. If you haven’t been through it, you don’t have a clue. I don’t want to be the awkward moment that occurs at every family function. So, I suffer in silence.


Thank goodness I’m not the only one…

[quote=PoppyIsWaiting]…the girls at work knew, then they’d stop bringing babies that have been brought into the office for a visit by someone on mat leave and saying “I thought you’d be first in line for a cuddle of the baby”

They enter the open plan office where I work and say “looook what Ivvvvve got!!” and everyone goos and gaahs. I exit the room as quickly as possible and go and talk to someone in another room about a work topic. When it’s hard though, I go and hide in the toilets and blink away my tears.[/quote]

I do the EXACT same thing…you are not alone. There are times I’ve had to leave the office for an ‘early’ lunch, to go sit in a parking lot away from the office and have a good cry, and hope like crazy they’ve gone before my lunch break is up.


[quote=AuntyOnly]Thanks for this thread, it makes me feel like I’m not going completely insane.

Some family and friends know of DH and my fertility “issues”, but my mother gave me a zinger yesterday when she said that next year we shouldn’t exchange Christmas gifts and should make it “all about the kids” (my twin sis has 2 kids and my bro has 1 on the way). WTH, Mom. Then she quickly followed up with “of course we’ll get Kaiya a present” (Kaiya is our dog). I don’t care about the Christmas gifts, but way to be supportive.


My parents and bro and SIL continue to make every Christmas about what works for their family-the two nephews. This year, I finally asked my mom, “What happens when we have kids of our own?” Her response was that then it would be about what works best for the new baby-ouch-that stings a little. So if I never have kids, the holidays will never be dictated by what works best for us? My dads response, “Are you hinting at something?” I said, “Yeah, I’m hinting that I need $10,000.” Couldn’t help it!


…that while they’re all celebrating Christmas, I’ll be remembering how three years ago I spent the day with a little secret on the tip of my tongue, waiting for family to leave, so I could tell my DH I was pregnant. His mom/aunt/grandma and step-grandpa came over, we had lunch, then we went bowling with my parents. Probably one of the longest times I’ve ever kept a secret from him. I hadn’t even told him my period was late, so I don’t think he even suspected anything. We didn’t really have gifts for each other that year, but I’d secretly placed a +hpt test in his stocking, while he was doing something else that night, and told him there was something in his stocking. I remember that nervous, terrified, excited feeling like it was yesterday, but here’s it’s been 3 whole years. So while everyone else is celebrating, I’ll be remembering those feelings and hoping to feel them again in February. There are very few people that know we even had a miscarriage, and only one other person that knows how I told my DH, and now you all do. I’d love to say something on FB, as that seems to be the best outlet for in the moment feelings, but that’s just something too personal.

Merry Christmas to all, and Happy New Year, too! May 2012 bring us all what we’d hoped 2011 would bring us, and then some!!



I’m a (part-time this year) teacher, so I’m on a long break. Today I said something about being left home alone with the leftover Christmas sweets potentially being a bad thing, and my skinnier than a twig SIL suggests running up and down the stairs 25 times if I did eat anything so I might not feel so guilty. Lady, you messed with the wrong person, today!!!

If only my "worlds greatest mom who won’t let her youngest, still diapered, son have a glass of water before bed because he might ‘wet the bed’, and won’t let either of them have more than one cookie on Christmas Eve because they might ‘get fat’ " SIL knew that I spent the weekend knowingly waiting for my period to start so I could begin racking up a $15,000+ medical bill, while being reminded (multiple times during the sermon on Sunday even) that three years ago I was pregnant, maybe she’d understand that I don’t really feel like running up and down the stairs 25 times today, and that eating sweets feels pretty d*** good right about now!!!



I survived Christmas, did you?!

I don’t have much of a vent tonight, other than my SIL is kind of at it again, and I truly don’t think she realizes it. She sent me a text last night to see if I wanted to be part of a trivia night at their church…with her MOPS group… which I can only assume stands for “Mothers of Pre-Schoolers” . Yes, let me come spend the night listening to a table full of women I don’t know who will spend the entire time talking about what their darling children are up to, while I’m sitting there praying/begging God to let this first round of IVF work. She even had the nerve to say something about not needing sitters because “the dads will be home”. Sounds fun, right?


Only- oh my goodness… Well you just heard me vent on a previous forum and now I see how much you really do understand. I don’t know if infertility just makes people uncomfortable?! Love your comment from 12-19 by the way of that you were hinting that you need 10,000… That made me giggle :slight_smile: as for trivia night, can you tell her you’ll go if she would go to women trying to conceive through IF treatment night? :slight_smile: of course I kid, but maybe she’d think twice before asking that twice. As we all know though, SILs don’t always think before they speak… Hehe. I am also sorry your loss… I’m not sure if I saw, but does your SIL know about it? Unfortunately, her running the stairs suggestion may be one of the many tips that people give that think will do thentricknto get you pregnant.I’ve heard everything from relax, detox, and go on vacation and it will happen. If she doesn’t know, then maybe one day it’s something that may neednto come out to make you feel better. Never mind what she may think of it, but at least you will feel a big weight lifted that you’re not hiding a huge secret. As you heard me say before, I keptmit a secret from my SIL for a whole year and when I did tell hernshe was not so comforting or anything towards me, but I have to say I feel so much better that it’s not a secret anymore!
I hope you if you do go to trivia night it is at least fun! If not, that’s good too!


Oh she totally knows. She was pregnant at the same time, and are due dates were literally days apart. I just think either we’re all uncomfortable talking about it, or they truly just don’t think about it.


if only SHE knew…

(same cousin that was pg 1 month after getting married AND delivered on the day of our 2nd IUI last year…fantastic reminder!)…something’s going on with her feet, apparently, and she had to have shots in both feet… and she mentioned it on FB. Big whoop! I get up everyday at 5am to take a shot in the abdomen, and get to add another shot in the evening starting next Monday, plus get to do 3 different shots on two different days before retrieval. I think your feet will survive! :wink:


Some people don’t know how good they have it… The thinG that annoys me the most is when people say, “I have to do laundry, FML” on fb…Really? FML (f*** my life) because you have to do LAUNDRY?!? Some people will never know what real struggles feel like.


…apparently they have a “6th” sense!

My parents at the least know we were pursing IVF, but don’t know when. We don’t get together often because my schedule is pretty crazy, and typically exhausting, but we did get together for dinner last week for my birthday. So, here it is, our egg retrieval is Saturday. I trigger tonight, so I know I’ll probably feel like crap tomorrow, and out of the blue they want to get together. It’s amazing! They have the nephews this weekend, so it sounds like they just need something to entertain them, but it is unbelievable that my dad doesn’t say anything about getting together until the same weekend as our ER!! I don’t exactly want to say “no, I’m being put under so my RE can remove eggs from my highly stimulated ovaries with a rather large needle”, but I don’t know how I’m going to get out of it! They don’t even know I’ve taken off of my part time job, but they could easily stop by my work and see I’m not working.

This just can’t be easy, can it?! Plus, crazy cousin is supposed to be in town this weekend, but my gma hasn’t heard from her. I don’t want to be around any family that might put me in her path. Not that I don’t want to face her, it’s just that she’s still crazy, nothing has changed, and I don’t want to hear her drama!!



if i have to go to one more baby shower, im going to scream



This is so me. If I could share my story I dont want the sympathy but some understanding–but who can understand when they are constantly complaining about their kids ruinining this, or not being able to go out because the kids are in the way… I wish I had that problem! I wish that I could stay up all night because the kid is crying, not because I have an ache in my heart that won’t go away because I want a baby. I wish I could tell my family and they would support me instead of giving me their opinions. I dont want your opinions–I want a baby. Yes I am gaining weight, you would to on these meds and this psychological battle I face each day. No I can’t work out, because I am trying to get this baby to implant–which isn’t working. My husband is just as upset as me, but doesn’t realize it as much as I am the one going through all the meds and letting us BOTH down when it dont work. Is it my fault? No. Do I feel like it is … YES! Do I wish I could give my job, career, house, car, money anything to have a child… yes!! Why did I wait until I was 28 to start? Why did I not try earlier. God I didnt know I couldnt have children or I would have. I seen the kids having children young and didnt want that for my baby… I would have gladly taken it now. No explained fertility problems but they are there…why? Why me? My sister can pop out kids left and right…why not me? I just want one … JUST ONE! I am not asking for a lot… a miracle but not a lot… I could go on and on… but darn did that feel good.


…that for once I have good news, and would love to share it with them!!

Normally I rant on here, but I have to brag, because I refuse to post it all over facebook…which is what a “normal” woman would do!! Had the retrieval yesterday, and he retrieved 11, 9 were “mature” and 8…yes EIGHT!!! fertilized!!! I would so love to call my mom, but who knows how many will make it to day5, and I’d still really like to be able to “surprise” my family with the “We’re pregnant” news!! EIGHT!!! WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


Only- that is such great news!!! Congrats! I’ve never seen that kind of news on fb… I think people who are not in the IVF world wouldn’t know what to do with that news :slight_smile: