If only my parents/friends/etc knew


#81

Thanks Hopeful 21 :grouphug: Good luck to you !!!


#82

I’ve got a great supportive family on both sides. Except my grandmother, she just can’t understand why I’m not pregnant yet, it’s been 2 years! Then she keeps tell me that 2 of my cousins are pregnant. So frustrating ~ 1 is 16 years old and the other is around my age and she used Clomid to get pregnant. My grandmother keeps telling me about them and how they are due soon, I’m really happy for them, but really I DON’T CARE!

And then I’ve got 2 or 3 friends on Facebook that are pregnant and they update there status about once a week with crap, I said to my self yesterday that I would love to be sick all day and have morning sickness. Oh and this one was the one that got pregnant 3 months after being married! UGH I WANNA SCREAM…


#83

totally hear you. I’ve had 3 pg announcements in the last week on FB. I think I’m the only one that hasn’t asked a returning co-worker how her twins are doing. She’s younger than me, and has 4 already, with at least 2 different daddies. Must be nice to be that fertile!


#84

[quote=Shorty05]
And then I’ve got 2 or 3 friends on Facebook that are pregnant and they update there status about once a week with crap, I said to my self yesterday that I would love to be sick all day and have morning sickness. Oh and this one was the one that got pregnant 3 months after being married! UGH I WANNA SCREAM…[/quote]

let me scream w/ you! =)

ive learned to try to stay away from facebook and use the “unsubscribe” button. that way, i dont have to delete them as friends, but dont get bombarded w/ pregnancy symptoms and pictures everytime i log-on. =)


#85

I throwing LOVE your publish. It’s that disappointed young lady that is in all of us because we are sad, disappointed, furious, and cope with all this products while no one else really is aware of. Thanks for the air flow, it created me grin understanding that I’m not alone in sensation this way.


#86

…she just made my last “hope she isn’t pregnant before me” become a lost hope.

When I started college, I lived in a suite. Of the 4 of us, I was the [I]only [/I]one with a boyfriend (whom I married). Over the years, due to one becoming an RA, one dropping out, kicking a crazy one out of my room, my parents making me wait a semester to move off campus with two of them, etc, I lived with a total of 10 girls (one only until Labor Day when she left). Of the 8 of those 10 I keep in tabs on through fb, I am now the [I]only [/I]married one without a baby. When you add in friends of those roommates along with some classmates, many of them are on to baby number 2 or 3…and all of us are 30-32.

WTH??? My suitemate that I lived with consistently with the exception of one semester just got married maybe 2-3 years ago. I’ve been holding out hope that’d I’d be pg before her. She ruined that dream today–due in December. *******!!!


#87

(thought of another one from the weekend)

If only my coworker knew…NO, I DON’T WANT TO SEE THE STUPID ULTRASOUND PICTURE OF YOUR BROTHER’S GIRLFRIEND’S BABY!!! I don’t know him, I don’t know her, and I only know you through work, really. You know we’re having trouble, BE A LITTLE MORE CONSIDERATE!!!


#88

…that while they ignore an ept commercial about a girl being relieved she isn’t pregnant, I’m secretly wanting to punch her through my television screen. Really, ept…really?


#89

Thanks for posting this helpful link. I enjoyed reading it.

[quote=OnlyNeed1]I think everyone should read this/share this article. Everyone knows someone who is struggling. If all of those people knew how to respond to all of us, maybe we’d all have a slightly easier time of it.

Infertility Etiquette RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association[/quote]


#90

I stopped logging into facebook. There is something different about being on fertility community and seeing someone get pregnant - that person gives me hope that i can get pregnant also, that person struggled like me. but on facebook, these people have no clue. i had to stop logging in.

[quote=OnlyNeed1]…she just made my last “hope she isn’t pregnant before me” become a lost hope.

When I started college, I lived in a suite. Of the 4 of us, I was the [I]only [/I]one with a boyfriend (whom I married). Over the years, due to one becoming an RA, one dropping out, kicking a crazy one out of my room, my parents making me wait a semester to move off campus with two of them, etc, I lived with a total of 10 girls (one only until Labor Day when she left). Of the 8 of those 10 I keep in tabs on through fb, I am now the [I]only [/I]married one without a baby. When you add in friends of those roommates along with some classmates, many of them are on to baby number 2 or 3…and all of us are 30-32.

WTH??? My suitemate that I lived with consistently with the exception of one semester just got married maybe 2-3 years ago. I’ve been holding out hope that’d I’d be pg before her. She ruined that dream today–due in December. *******!!![/quote]


#91

I started this post in March of 2011, with one of my vents being about my cousin having her first baby. Here it is 18 months later, and guess what…yeah. She’s having her second. This means, well…, I’m jealous as ****, mad, feeling like life is unfair, and feeling inconsiderate of the fact that she has morning sickness. Boo-friggin’-hoo. You wanted another one, deal with the symptoms. I don’t think my husband totally gets my feelings. He says, “don’t be mad at her because she’s pregnant”. And, truly, I’m not mad [I]at her[/I].

She got married in May of 2010, pregnant by August. That meant in Oct 2010, I got to spend the entire evening of my grandma’s birthday dinner hearing my own mother talk about nothing but my cousin be pregnant. I guess she didn’t know yet we were officially trying or that we were having problems, so maybe I shouldn’t hold that against her. But then, by Christmas, she did know. Spent Christmas hearing all about the baby coming, and the shower, and the registry, then sat through the shower in Jan '11, with my own mother asking if I wanted to go see all the goodies my cousin got…uh…no. (This, right around the anniversary of our miscarrage). Then March (the first post on this), she has her baby the same day as what became our second failed IUI. So Easter, all about the baby, 4th of July they couldn’t come because of the baby, oh, it’s the baby’s first Christmas, now it’s his first birthday…right about the time I’m finally not feeling so bitter toward the kid being forced on me, BAM! She’s pregnant again. So yet another bday dinner with my grandma all about the new baby coming, and the Christmas with the new baby coming, and probably another shower, and I’m sure she’ll probably have a girl, because that’s just her luck.

How does a woman going into her 3rd year of trying saying congratulations to her cousin who has now managed to get pg 2 in as many years without sounding like a complete you know what?

Oh, and how did she announce it? Well, two weeks ago she’s saying how her husband is so great because he crushed ice for her. Then she posts how she nearly spilled her crushed ice a few days later on her way to work. Then her aunt asks her how school is going, and she says “just trying to teach the youth of America without barfing on them”. And finally, today, she posts an instagram pic of her 18th month old wearing a “best big brother” shirt, which didn’t go as well as I think she had hoped. She has 6 likes since this morning, and only a few comments. Since she posted other pics, that particular pic didn’t get posted right away. I wish she’d just come out and said “I’m pregnant!”. It would be so much easier on me than having to probably hear from my mom, and my grandma, and whomever else feels the need to tell me she’s pregnant again.
Seriously, God. Do you really hate me that much?!


#92

@OnlyNeed1 - My heart hurts for you! I know how you feel. I live 3 states away from ‘home’ now and learned via Facebook that my mom was at my friend’s baby shower last weekend. There’s no reason she shouldn’t have been there, but it still killed me. She should be at my shower by now, ya know?!? :frowning: And, also about ‘home’, today I realized that even though my man and I can’t move away from here fast enough (I need another forum for how much I dislike it here, ha), I cannot bear to go back anytime soon because any minute now my nieces are going start having babies. That will also just about kill me… I feel more often than not as if God hates me too. Strangely, though, it makes me so sad to hear someone else say it about herself. I hope that passes for both of us, because on my better days I’m pretty sure it’s not true. :confused:


#93

Aww thank you for posting this!! I really could use some venting…I was reading at some of your stories and I can totally relate to most of you.

In my case I’m the only child and my best friend moved to Australia (due to the time difference is really hard to speak to her).

I tried to “vent” with my mom but she is a bit old fashioned, she believes that God gives you the kids he wants you to have. I shouldn’t go to the “lab to make mine”.

She hasn’t been supportive at all so my husband finally convinced me to stop telling her and other ppl about my process.

If when I get “hormonal” they think is my personality oh well. I always felt bad and wanted to explain to everyone that I didn’t feel like myself at times.

Now, we are using DE and my husband thinks is better not to tell anyone expect our child when the time comes…(Probably at that point I also will have to tell my mom).

Phew! That felt good to take out my frustrations. I think if my daughter was going through something like his I would be the 1st one to support her.

Fingers :cross: my next cycle I finally get my miracle!

Sending everyone :bsv:.

Warm Regards,

Alexis.


#94

Thanks, ladies! It’s nice to know I can always come here to vent, and even if no one responds, I always know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Jealousy really sucks when it’s being jealous about babies. If you’re jealous about someone’s car, you either buy a new car, or get over it. I can’t just buy a baby…or maybe I could…hmmmm… :wink: and moving on is easier said that done.

I still haven’t even come out and said to my parents that we did IVF, and it didn’t work. I can’t bring myself to say those words to my own parents. I can say it to coworkers, and even people I barely know, but not my mom and dad. I know the response I’ll get, something about “keep praying” or God will work it out. I know God has a plan, but it’s hard to hold on to that belief when what you’re really thinking is, “If God has a plan, then why was his plan to let me get pregnant once, and then take that away?” It’s like He’s teasing me. Trust me, I’ve had many a lesson in patience, so it’s hard for me to believe this is yet another one. I could probably write a book with my lessons in patience, while I’m still waiting for answers to some of those lessons!

Since the IVF, I feel like I’ve just given up hope. I don’t think about getting pregnant as much, but I’m still taking opk’s. I don’t plan around treatments, because we can’t affort anymore, but I’m heartbroken (doubly heartbroken with my cousin) every time another person say’s they’re pregnant. What scares me is I’m starting to think, “maybe I can be okay with just the two of us. We like to travel, and that’s easier without kids.” But, then I think, “I don’t want him to be the end of the line for his family. I don’t want to not have grandchildren. I don’t want to not teach my kids how to ride their bike, or argue over homework,…”

IF is such a lonely road, but this forum always helps!


#95

it’s finally happened

I’m officially one of [I]those [/I]people that can say, “I knew someone who wasn’t even trying to get pregnant, and then didn’t know they were pregnant until they were 14 weeks in. And the whole time they were both probably enjoying their liquor just as much as they usually do.”

Yeah, I hate my life right now.


#96

I Wish My Family Knew…

That my husband and I are so desperate to have a child, and just because we have Cael doesn’t mean that we should “he’s enough for us”

That its so heartbreaking for me, that at times I cry myself to sleep.

That my husband and I are afraid to talk about with with people because we feel like there is something wrong with us.

That we’re afraid to have hope.

That I get angry at God for not giving me another child.

That I miscarried the same week my husband’s brother committed suicide. That I found out I was pregnant the day he found out his brother died, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him, and ended up miscarrying a week later. It took me 6 months to tell him, and the tears he cried hurt me worse than the miscarriage.

That I often wonder if I’m being punished for not being a good enough wife or mother.

I often wonder if I didn’t gain all this weight in the last 5 years, I would be pregnant by now.

That I feel so alone most days with this, that I’d rather just avoid them all completely.

That hearing “do you really think its a good idea to have another child given the way the world is going? It just seems like a terrible idea.”

That i feel like a failure for not being able to give my husband, who’s a wonderful father, a biological child of his own.


#97

:grouphug:

My husband told me two weeks ago that I make it obvious when I don’t want to talk about baby stuff. We were at a bbq for his cousin who’d gotten married the day before, and the pg couple I previously mentioned was there, along with some other mutal friends. The girls were talking about maternity clothes, with me standing right there, and I was staring off into the yard. So what if I made them uncomfortable! Then, later the same night, the other wife who’d been talking to pg wife, says she hadn’t had wine in a while (“because she thought she might be pregnant”)…did you really just say that to me?! Just confirmed the oblivousness of my own “friends.”


#98

Everyone knows but won’t talk to me

I went to a birthday party yesterday and my mom told everyone that I miscarried on Monday but not to say anything to me because I was too upset. So instead they all came up to me stared at my stomach and awkwardly gave me a hug. I just wish they didn’t know! I could have better faked being okay and happy. Instead all I wanted to do was leave.


#99

Hi Onlyneed1;

First, :welcome:!! I have to say I read your post and I had to reply.

I can relate to your story because no one knows we are trying to get pregnant. When I tried getting support from my family especially my mom was against the IVF. She believes that “God is the only one who should make the babies”. I’m not super religious but I do believe in God, if I remember right “God said help yourself that I will help you”… My friends are either married with kids or in the partying mode. I feel like no one is willing to listen to me.

I just had a chemical pregnancy and for the 1st time in a year my mom let me vent out and cry for an hour and half on the phone. I hope she finally realized how hard this process is.

Now, about your situation always know that we are here to hear you vent or for anything that you need. You have no idea how many wonderful people I have met in here. I think I wouldn’t have been able to get through my chemical pregnancy without this support group. I hate hearing “I’m sorry” from people that don’t know what this journey is about…

Regarding your parents and your husband, honey don’t listen to your parents! We think that this IVF and TTC it’s only hard on us women but it’s also hard on our husbands/partners. Let your husband have a night for himself in which he can enjoy a bit with his friends and make some extra cash. God knows while we are on treatments we need the cash. I got to the point I don’t even open my credit card statements, I just pay them.

Right now you should focus on YOU don’t think about anyone else. Stress is a big enemy of the baby making. Sounds that you are busy with your school and everything else but try to find sometime in which you can relax.

I’m super busy between running my business, traveling, running two houses (hubby commutes for business and because of his son from a previous marriage-so we have two houses in different places). I go to acupuncture every other day and those 45 minutes is the only time I can forget about the world. To the point that I even turn off my phone. Believe, it has helped me a lot.

Anyways, you seem like a strong woman just don’t let anyone bring you down. Keep your chin up cut down on stress and you’ll see that you will get your miracle.

Sending you :grouphug: and :bsv:.

Alexis.


#100

Onlyneed1;

I love the “I Believe” thanks for sharing, I was crying my eyes out when I saw the video.

Don’t feel bad about being “jealous” because I’m sure you don’t wish them any harm you are just wishing that could be you. Totally normal, I feel the same. I just had my “miscarriage” and today I went out and saw like 4 pregnant women. I kept thinking I want to be them.

About your past leave it there and don’t torture yourself. Just think that since you were able to get pregnant once own your own your chances are higher of happening. It only takes 1 good egg.

Don’t give up yet “it always gets dark before the morning”.

Alexis.