If only my parents/friends/etc knew


#101

okay…seriously…?

It never ends. No, really, it doesn’t. You know how people say, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”, and “just have patience”? Surely He has to have reached His maximum credit on the “have patience card” and the “here, handle this account” with me.

Yesterday, we went to my parents’ house for early Thanksgiving with them, my older bro and SIL, the nephews, and my grandma. To start, we took two separate cars so my husband could leave earlier to meet a friend to go to a concert in StL. On the way there, his car decided to start giving him trouble. Nothing major that he can’t fix himself, but I turned around while he tried to decide his game plan and we were late to dinner. I’d called, so they’d already started eating. My parents live in a house built in the 50’s, so it’s pretty small, rather basic. The kitchen table was full, so my husband and I sat in the living room with my dad to eat. The boys had finished, and were running around (not literally), waiting for everyone else to finish. As my dh and I are sitting in the living room, the little one (our constant reminder of what we should have had) comes out and says “We have baby” kind all smushed together. I said, “What?” and my SIL immediately calls the little one back into the kitchen. I don’t know what she said to him, but my dh says to me “are they pregnant?”. I belive my response was, “why, does that bother you?”!

We were only there maybe 2 hours after eating, but I didn’t bring it up again, and neither did she. She sat all slouched on the couch, and wasn’t nearly as talkative (not that she’s really all that talkative, but she definitely didn’t talk to me at all), but everytime she walked by, I was eying her belly…she’s a size 4 (on a good day), and she already has a friggin’ pooch. After they left, and thankfully had taken our lovingly nosy, (and too stressful to try and explain all of our IF issues to) grandma with them, I asked my mom to confirm. I’m sure you can guess what she said. Yep, “I thought she told you.” I said, “Why would she?”. “Oh, she’s due in June.”

You have got to be kidding me. My SIL tries to be sympathetic and used to ask how things were going. She was even “sympathetic” at my couin’s “Welcome Home”/Let’s get engaged party in front of everyone (which was 100% staged, no joke) when his older sis (the pg cousin) was talking to someone about being sick, and taking time off for maternity leave and taking care of two little ones. SIL asked me, “are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I said yes, but apparently not. While I was thinking, “stop complaining about having 2 babies 25 months apart, be glad you got pregnant so easily, I’d give anything for the morning sickness your suffering through, and if you can’t handle two little ones, I’ll take the new baby next spring”, my SIL was thinking “oh, I can’t wait to have another baby!! I’m so excited!!!” Yeah, real sympathetic. Even if SIL was due June 30th, she KNEW she was pregnant in October. I, unfortunately, know enough to know, she KNEW.

I feel totally blindsided. She couldn’t have had the courtesy to tell me they were ready to try again, especially knowing they wouldn’t have any problems? She couldn’t have given me a heads up? She’s always given the impression that she wasn’t sure she wanted three. Let me guess, it was an “accident”? That would just be the icing on the cake. They didn’t have the intelligence to know their 3yo would let the cat out of the bag before they were ready to man up and tell me? You know how you hear/read people saying, “I don’t know whether to be more upset that you are pregnant or that you didn’t tell me.”? I’m just upset about both. She knows how long we’ve been trying. She didn’t say anything. Now, what am I supposed to do? Wait for her to fess up, or just pretend I don’t know?

I don’t know if I can do this a fourth time. 1st, the nephew born around our due date, 2nd the cousin who’s baby was born the same day as our failed IUI, 3rd the same cousin who got pregnant twice in two years, and now 4th the SIL who isn’t woman enough to tell me herself she’s pregnant. I guess those family portraits you want to buy for my mom for Christmas should really wait until next summer, huh, sis?


#102

…that while they were celebrating and watching the excitement in their children’s eyes yesterday, I was forcing myself to not think about what we’re missing out on.

But, I survived another Christmas. And with only two insensitive comments! My pg cousin, who sits down next to me at the table saying, “I’ve got to get away from my kid!” And my SIL who says, “I’m so glad the youngest is potty trained. I don’t know what I would do with two in diapers.” Really ladies?

Hope you’ve all survived thus far as well!! Merry Christmas!


#103

If only my MIL knew…

…that we aren’t going to get pregnant without a LOT of money, and that isn’t going to just fall into our laps, so she may not ever have the “grandkids” she’s been hoarding crap for for the last 6 years…ever!

Love her to death, very sweet lady, but DH has yet to explain the entire issue to her, so she just flat out doesn’t get it. I don’t know why he won’t talk to her, which makes it even more frustrating. But, she’s also the kind of person that worries over everything, so telling her he has a varicocele and will more than likely be having surgery to repair it will not go over well. She will literally call every day leading up to it, just to voice her crazy (and I truly mean ridiculous) concerns. DH said today, as we were working on the hoard in her garage that $20,000 didn’t fix anything, and it’s like she totally didn’t even register what he said. HE SAID $20,000 HASN’T GOTTEN US ANYWHERE!!! “You know, there are pills to fix that”. Really? Not anywhere that I’ve found. BLAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


#104

…that I’m one of those people…again

a friend of ours from HS just told me yesterday that they’re pregnant. They had IF issues, stopped trying, and a few months later…yep…Now I know someone that stopped trying and got pregnant, didn’t know she was pregnant, and got pregnant after stopping trying while spending a trip in FL smashed. Seriously, people?


#105

Wow. Sometimes I think we live in the Twilight Zone.


#106

…that their 36 week pregnancy “surprise, I didn’t know I was pregnant, and I’ve been partying like I always do” announcement makes me want to SCREAM!!! Sometimes the Universe just sucks!!!


#107

…2 years later

…that here I am, 2 years later and not much has changed from when I started this on spring break then.

I was humorous then, but I’m not so sure I can make today’s funny! I’m probably as tired of venting about my SIL as you all are about reading it, but she’s struck again. We live in the STL area, which just received 10+ inches of snow. Our driveway is HUGE, we’re talking like probably 6-8 car, just on the concrete portion, and a small parking lot on the gravel part. DH and I shoveled the concrete yesterday once, with about 7 inches on the ground. I’m on break, so didn’t have to go anywhere today, and he took our truck. (…wait, his dad’s, but that’s a super depressing story you don’t want to hear. Though, this may be the first time I’ve said “our”, rather than “the” in 10 years). I decided to get up and shovel the extra 3 inches or so off, so he can easily get back in when he gets home. Let’s see if I can make it funny…

If only my SIL knew… when I said on FB that I’d be super sore after shoveling twice in two days, and she basically bragged about my brother shoveling 3 times, that what I’d like to say in return, dear SIL, is “Well, my husband had a double varicocelectomy 18 days ago, so he wins the ‘Husband of the Year Award’, sis”. Oh, did I mention she’s preggo, too? How about, “Well, it must be nice to be pregnant and not have to shovel your 4 car driveway.”

When the reality of it is, “I shoveled because I love my husband. He had to work today, and I didn’t. I shoveled [I]our [/I]driveway so that he could get back up the hill without sliding into either my car or his. In fact, I love my husband so much, that my car, who’s never seen that much snow on it in 7 years because it is ALWAYS garaged, is sitting at the end of [I]our[/I] driveway, blocked in and covered, so I could park the truck in the garage so he wouldn’t have to clean it off this morning. His car is now easily accessible, rather than snowed in, like I could have left it. Your husband may be “perfect”, but I’ll be sore all over for a couple of days for mine. He had surgery, and is still recovering, it’s the least I can do.”

And, the icing on the cake: her due date IS my husband’s birthday. Happy 30th, dear, you’re an uncle again, still not a dad.


#108

If only my husband knew…

…how I started today…his 30th birthday. I knew 15-16 days ago to expect AF yesterday or today. When she didn’t show yesterday, I waited her out, thinking “she’ll show up in the morning.” So, I went to bed last night, fully expecting her this morning. When I got up, I snuck into our bathroom to find she was a no show. So, I snuck an hpt into the other bath, thinking, “maybe I can give him good news for his birthday…[I]maybe.[/I]” I double checked, looking for that dreaded woman, but she was still a no show…for about 10 seconds…the same length of time it took me to waste yet another hpt. I did my business, wiped, and guess who…yeah. Seriously, God? You really like screwing with me, don’t You? This was worse than the time I literally started on the way to the RX to get my scrip that was supposed to make me start.

Aunt Flo…you fickle woman…please take a hike for at least 9 months, and at least leave me with a baby in my arms at the end of that vacation!


#109

[QUOTE=OnlyNeed1]…how I started today…his 30th birthday. I knew 15-16 days ago to expect AF yesterday or today. When she didn’t show yesterday, I waited her out, thinking “she’ll show up in the morning.” So, I went to bed last night, fully expecting her this morning. When I got up, I snuck into our bathroom to find she was a no show. So, I snuck an hpt into the other bath, thinking, “maybe I can give him good news for his birthday…[I]maybe.[/I]” I double checked, looking for that dreaded woman, but she was still a no show…for about 10 seconds…the same length of time it took me to waste yet another hpt. I did my business, wiped, and guess who…yeah. Seriously, God? You really like screwing with me, don’t You? This was worse than the time I literally started on the way to the RX to get my scrip that was supposed to make me start.

Aunt Flo…you fickle woman…please take a hike for at least 9 months, and at least leave me with a baby in my arms at the end of that vacation![/QUOTE]

Of all months, I needed AF to show so we could start our protocol for Ivf in June. She decided to be a you know what and be late almost 3 weeks! Talk about that small bit of hope, that small voice that says maybe this month, yelling in your ear. I had finally learned to silence that voice and this happened…


#110

She is evil, I tell ya!!


#111

People can be so insensitive. I have a friend who just got married and then got pregnant the first month out and have other friends who got pregnant without event trying… well good for them. I totally get the anger and frustration with your family. My mother in law started asking me when i was going to give her grandchildren literally 2 hours after I met her. I was 19 at the time and now I am 32. Stay strong. I know you want to help everyone and keep the peace but you have to breathe and tell them no. It is the hardest thing in the world to do when it comes to family but for your own sake you need to.


#112

…twins…really?

…that I’ve gone from that person who thought twins were rare, and totally cool to the person that is jealous of anyone who has twins, especially if it happens naturally!

It seems that I just keep having friend after friend after friend saying “it’s twins!”…and it’s totally a natural conception. What’s up with that? It’s one thing to be jealous of pregnant women, as we most all will admit we are, but I am sooooo envious of these pregnant-with-twin mama’s. I can’t get pregnant with one, but they can pop out two in one shot?! Without drugs, and needles, and dr’s appts?! In the last 2 years: 1 co-worker, 1 acquaintance from HS, 2 college classmates, and a girl that was in one of my classes when I was student teaching. If you lost count, that’s 5. Can’t an IF girl catch a break!!!


#113

… add 1 to that twins list, one of my best guy friends from high school. :stuck_out_tongue:


#114

if only my MIL knew…

that while we’re prepping for an upcoming IVF, and I’m crossing every appendage possible, hoping it happens, I’ve convinced myself to start bringing home little kid things as we’re cleaning out her hoard the last two days. I’ve gone from “I’m not taking any little kid related item home because we have no where to store it and I don’t want to see it because it will remind me that we don’t have little kids” (all in one breath) 6 months ago to, “maybe if this works…maybe we’ll want this soon. Maybe this (actually nice thing, rather than a DG toy/book/puzzle) would be nice to have for a toddler.” If only she knew that this weekend, it has really starting sinking in that she has bought enough junk in the last 11 years to cover at least two rounds of IVF for us. If only she knew, and truly understood, that we do want to give her grandchildren, but it just isn’t as easy as going to the store and just picking one up. And it isn’t as easy as just taking a pill to fix it.

We’re going in for round 2…if only they all knew. I literally haven’t told anyone because I know what happened the last time. If only my parents/family knew that I will once again be hiding injections from them, anytime they come over for dinner. If only my co-workers knew that I’ll be racing from class to an U/S back to class in about an hours time. If only they knew that I truly took the semester off from my part time job so that my free days can be spent running to acupuncture an hour away, and appointments an hour away without having to explain why I really need about 2 weeks off from all of my jobs.

If only they all knew…how lonely this journey truly is. Of course I want to tell you we’re going to try again. Of course I want to share my crazy busy schedule, including all of the appts and medications. Of course I don’t want it to just be the two of us that really know what’s going on. But…if only they knew how badly I want to be able to “surprise” them with “We’re having a baby” news! I can’t stop thinking about how to announce it. If only they knew I just want it to be Halloween already!!


#115

If only they knew…

That on this gorgeous fall day, after multiple rainy days, when I have absolutely no plans, and would normally be up and outside working on fall yard clean-up, here I sit, willing the spotting that started yesterday to just go away.

That 2 weeks ago, we were told we only had one embryo to transfer, and my hopes were dashed. Then, when we walked past the RE on the way to my little exam room, she said “another popped!”, and my hopes were revived. Then, she told us the grade…the same grade as our last failed IVF attempt, and my hopes came crashing down again.

That last week, on Halloween, when I hoped it would be the best Halloween ever, my hopes very crushed when the call came that Beta #1 was a BFN. I refused to let my hopes rise at all over the weekend, knowing that both betas the last time were below 5. So I convinced myself that there was no way we would get a positive. Then, Monday, the call came, saying my number had actually risen. Talk about being shocked! But, that was quickly followed with the comment that it might just be a chemical pregnancy, and we needed another beta.

That yesterday, heading in for beta #3, I was trying desperately to not get my hopes up…at all…especially since I started spotting before I left the house. Had pretty much convinced myself that even though she hadn’t been invited, AF was showing up, nearly perfectly timed to my trigger date. Hopes = very low. Then, the call came saying I had a beta of 77! It more than doubled in 50 hours, so that’s great, right?

If only they knew…
…the true roller coaster of emotions, hopes, and dreams this entire IF journey is.
…that if I were a “normal” person, I wouldn’t even be questioning the spotting, and would know that it was AF, and no question of whether or not I’m pregnant.
…that if I were a “normal” person, I wouldn’t even have the opportunity to see my babies before they were actually put back into my body. Or see them once that had been put back into what will/has become a good home for one of them.
…that if I were a “normal” person, I wouldn’t be waiting on pins and needles for the next week, awaiting the results of my first ultrasound. I’ve been down this road before. The road of thinking you’re miscarrying, but not be able to do a thing about it.
…how badly I want to be excited like a “normal” person, and how hard it is to not let myself say the words out loud just yet.
…how I wish I could go back in time 5 years, to when I was a “normal” person, joyous over a surprise pregnancy for about 3 weeks. I should be shouting for joy right now, but I’m fearful where this road leads.


#116

“Normal” people just don’t get it! Some of them are kind enough, considerate enough, to try and protect your feelings by watching what they say or do. But even they, just don’t get it. We aren’t normal and I am sorry to say we will never be. Although I have my miracle babies now, I can complete relate to what you are saying, and I can tell you that once you have your little ones in your arms, you will appreciate them more than you ever could have if you were “normal”. We suffered through 5 years worth of IVF (along with three miscarriages) before having our little miracle boys (not twins) - 3 years apart. I still come to these boards because I want people like you to know that there is still hope for you. I know every situation is different, but I can’t imagine our families not knowing what we were going through at that time. They knew everything and they were very supportive… yes it was hard to tell them bad news time and time again, but I can’t imagine bottling all that up and having to hear comments (that I know we would have heard if they didn’t know). If I were in your shoes I would ask my husband to please talk to his mother in law and make sure she tries to understand how emotional of a time y’all are going through. I hope your journey is complete soon and you get your time soon!!! If you would like to read about my story you can visit my blog (link is in my signature).


#117

I LOVE this thread! I feel the same way! My husband and I have been TTC for about 4 years unofficially and “officially” (with meds and a ob/gyn and stuff) for a little over a year. No one in my family knows because my mom wants me to finish school first (which at this point will be about 2 years) which I do not want to do because, well, I have my reasons that are far too detailed to get into on here but I JUST DONT WANT TO WAIT, DARNIT! On top of that, my husband wants children but doesn’t seem to care if its right now or in 15 years. And when the few friends that know we are trying and the treatments we are going through say “just wait, it’ll happen” or “maybe it isn’t meant to be right now” or anything of the like I just want to scream!! I DO NOT want to hear that and if you can’t say anything else or something helpful I would just prefer you say nothing about it all. I know they think they are being helpful but it makes me want to scream and cry and rip my hair out all at the same time. DH and I were supposed to go through a private adoption recently where the mom didn’t want her baby boy, but it fell through last minute. My husband kept telling me “patience is a virtue” “it will happen eventually” “maybe this wasn’t meant to be” and I just wanted to bawl and yell at him and tell him he didn’t understand how this made me feel that I feel like there is a piece of me missing inside. ugh, it is just so hard keeping it from everyone, but at the same time I do not want anyone to know because I don’t want to argue about it or hear any of the supposed to be encouraging, but not phrases. :frowning: