It never ends. No, really, it doesn’t. You know how people say, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”, and “just have patience”? Surely He has to have reached His maximum credit on the “have patience card” and the “here, handle this account” with me.
Yesterday, we went to my parents’ house for early Thanksgiving with them, my older bro and SIL, the nephews, and my grandma. To start, we took two separate cars so my husband could leave earlier to meet a friend to go to a concert in StL. On the way there, his car decided to start giving him trouble. Nothing major that he can’t fix himself, but I turned around while he tried to decide his game plan and we were late to dinner. I’d called, so they’d already started eating. My parents live in a house built in the 50’s, so it’s pretty small, rather basic. The kitchen table was full, so my husband and I sat in the living room with my dad to eat. The boys had finished, and were running around (not literally), waiting for everyone else to finish. As my dh and I are sitting in the living room, the little one (our constant reminder of what we should have had) comes out and says “We have baby” kind all smushed together. I said, “What?” and my SIL immediately calls the little one back into the kitchen. I don’t know what she said to him, but my dh says to me “are they pregnant?”. I belive my response was, “why, does that bother you?”!
We were only there maybe 2 hours after eating, but I didn’t bring it up again, and neither did she. She sat all slouched on the couch, and wasn’t nearly as talkative (not that she’s really all that talkative, but she definitely didn’t talk to me at all), but everytime she walked by, I was eying her belly…she’s a size 4 (on a good day), and she already has a friggin’ pooch. After they left, and thankfully had taken our lovingly nosy, (and too stressful to try and explain all of our IF issues to) grandma with them, I asked my mom to confirm. I’m sure you can guess what she said. Yep, “I thought she told you.” I said, “Why would she?”. “Oh, she’s due in June.”
You have got to be kidding me. My SIL tries to be sympathetic and used to ask how things were going. She was even “sympathetic” at my couin’s “Welcome Home”/Let’s get engaged party in front of everyone (which was 100% staged, no joke) when his older sis (the pg cousin) was talking to someone about being sick, and taking time off for maternity leave and taking care of two little ones. SIL asked me, “are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I said yes, but apparently not. While I was thinking, “stop complaining about having 2 babies 25 months apart, be glad you got pregnant so easily, I’d give anything for the morning sickness your suffering through, and if you can’t handle two little ones, I’ll take the new baby next spring”, my SIL was thinking “oh, I can’t wait to have another baby!! I’m so excited!!!” Yeah, real sympathetic. Even if SIL was due June 30th, she KNEW she was pregnant in October. I, unfortunately, know enough to know, she KNEW.
I feel totally blindsided. She couldn’t have had the courtesy to tell me they were ready to try again, especially knowing they wouldn’t have any problems? She couldn’t have given me a heads up? She’s always given the impression that she wasn’t sure she wanted three. Let me guess, it was an “accident”? That would just be the icing on the cake. They didn’t have the intelligence to know their 3yo would let the cat out of the bag before they were ready to man up and tell me? You know how you hear/read people saying, “I don’t know whether to be more upset that you are pregnant or that you didn’t tell me.”? I’m just upset about both. She knows how long we’ve been trying. She didn’t say anything. Now, what am I supposed to do? Wait for her to fess up, or just pretend I don’t know?
I don’t know if I can do this a fourth time. 1st, the nephew born around our due date, 2nd the cousin who’s baby was born the same day as our failed IUI, 3rd the same cousin who got pregnant twice in two years, and now 4th the SIL who isn’t woman enough to tell me herself she’s pregnant. I guess those family portraits you want to buy for my mom for Christmas should really wait until next summer, huh, sis?