[quote=G&PMom]CareyPoppins, I am so sorry for everything you are going through but as all the other posters mentioned, you can’t beat yourself up over this, it really isn’t anything that you did or didn’t do, I have many stories (including my own) of following diets, cutting out or adding things and none of them seem related to success or failure.
In specific response to some of your questions, here are my measly thoughts:
- I am trying acupuncture. Any one have any other tips on things they have done and it has helped conceive?
You’ll see a lot of mixed results about acupuncture, for me personally, I felt it made a difference, if only in that it helped me stay relaxed and feel like I was actively doing something to help in the process. It is important I think to choose an experienced fertility acupuncturists and also one that you can relate to and that understands you. I loved mine because while they truly sat down with you and took your history and symptoms and offered you a series of dietary suggestions and health activities/herbal supplements, they also really emphasized that at no point should following all these guidelines make me incredibly stressed out or miserable…and it makes sense to me that if you are not happy while doing the whole IVF process, it IS very feasible it will influence your overall health and success chances. I’m very pessimistic but doing acupuncture and meeting with my very friendly and supportive acupuncturists really helped keep me a lot calmer. I also tried to be prepared for all the weirdness with the meds and such associated with IVF and I think that attitude helped make them easier to bear. So, I guess I would recommend acupuncture IF you can find someone that is comforting and a good “fit” for you. IF you go to acupuncture gritting your teeth or dreading seeing the person or the cost, then don’t put yourself through it. If cost is a factor, find out what clinics are willing to do the most “critical” sessions only (before and after transfer), some won’t and some will.
- how do you move forward when you have no answers and no explanation of why this is happening?
Golly, I wish I knew, I knew what my problems were but I know two couples right now who had babies naturally and now are suffering from secondary infertility and plowing through ART and adoption processes. You might search in your area for therapists or groups that deal with fertility issues, I saw a therapist on my first IVF pregnancy, primarily because of losing a twin in first trimester, but she did counseling for couples dealing with infertility and I found her really helpful. On the other hand, I didn’t really find it comforting to go to a group setting and I even avoided message boards (except to spy) because I was so superstitious and strange…I wish I would have joined in some discussions though, aspects of the whole process probably would have been easier having wonderful folks like the women here to chat with.
- I am trying to cut out all artificial sweetener, caffeine, moderate work out and do yoga and eat only whole foods that are organic.
Limit what you can to not make yourself totally miserable. If it is a huge struggle to give up caffeine and you can’t switch to decaf (cold processed) or green tea options (“good” caffeine), then allow yourself a moderate amount. My first IVF cycle when I was producing eggs, my clinic was super strict on the no alcohol/caffeine-not even chocolate!/sweetners, etc. But on the FET, you may find that it isn’t as critical. I drank caffeine and was way more relaxed on my FET (for one thing, the whole process is easier and less meds, yay!), I know I even had some sips of wine and definitely ate chocolate…and I got pregnant…so the first time, I was super strict and pregnant and the second time, not so strict and pregnant…go figure! I would say that artificial sweetners are definitely probably good to avoid, but maybe that is just because I don’t like them myself!!! :^)
Just make sure that when you start on your next stage, whether FET or a new IVF, that you and your partner are in a good place (with exception of worrying about the infertility because we all know it is hard to shake that) in every other way possible. Do what feels most right for you in terms of your health and lifestyle choices during process, we all know that we are going to avoid the biggest dangers during the procedures so giving into temptation like a latte or chocolate bar or soda aren’t going to “do it in”. I emphasize staying relaxed and filling your soul with laughter as much as possible because I have friends that were so stressed out trying to get pregnant or got so freaked and uncomfortable with meds that they were miserable during process and didn’t succeed in getting pregnant. There have been some studies that show that clinics that had comedians or clowns perform had higher success rates, very preliminary studies and tentative, but I do believe “laughter is the best medicine”. I made sure to watch all my favorite funny movies and tried to avoid anything that would make me cry or remind me of the fact that I didn’t have family. I knew I was going to not be completely relaxed and optimistic, it goes against my nature, so I focused on just finding some things that could temporarily direct my attention away from that, and for me that was laughter and mindless entertainment :^)
But in all reality, despite all the amazing things medical technology can do to assist us, there are a lot of things that are just up to chance. I know a woman who ONLY did IVF because she didn’t want to use her own eggs because of potential for manic depression. I didn’t really understand that but to each their own. She and her husband had NO other reason for doing IVF …and yet it took THREE IVFS with THREE different donor eggs before they finally conceived their twins. But it did happen, as others pointed out, sometimes it takes a bit longer and the road is rougher and may lead in directions you didn’t expect (I ache when I read some of the stories here).
I hope some others can give you guidance on clinics and acupuncturists in area (I’m in TX so can’t help you there)! But I wish you well in whatever you decide and it sounds like you have some really good chances ahead of you with 3 Frozen Embies! I know there are a lot of stories about women who had no success with IVF but were successful with FET. Sometimes I think some women react too strongly to the IVF meds and perhaps that impacts things, but that is a totally unscientific and unsubstantiated claim, just a guess! FET is so much easier and has become so much successful than in the past thanks to techniques and technology! Best of luck to you and your partner![/quote]
Thank you so much for all the information. I am looking forward to doing the acupuncture. I’m hopeful that they will be able to help me and if nothing else, help me relax. I also have a spa day planned in a week so that I can try and relax - again, nothing I have ever done for myself. I think over all its not a bad thing to cut out excess caffeine and artificial sweeteners and over processed foods. So i’m okay with switching that up. I have to stop being so hard on myself but I have no one else to blame so I blame myself. I know its just poison in my system and isn’t going to do anyone any good, but I can’t seem to help myself. I’m just so sad. We aren’t going to do anything until at least March so I have some time to feel better emotionally and physically. Thank you again for the wonderful post.