In need of you and your support


#1

Hello, everybody!

well I don’t know even how to start this post but i want to. I feel i need your support and advices as well, I’m so devastated and it seems I lost the faith already. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for a long time with no positive outcomes. My husband and me tried a lot, starting from the icsi to the ivf with donor’s eggs, to say truth I don’t know what should be next. My body is rejecting everything and I don’t want to believe we have no choice to be parents! Of course my husband is a good man and we are happy family but not so happy as I wanted to be! Now I look into mirror and see that empty eyes, with no joy. A little fire is almost died inside me and that scares, because my imagination of a happy family was a bit different. I wanted to hear noises of my children and not that empty noise of a key!

I don’t want what to say, i just want to be happy and satisfied with my life. Is it too much of a woman who is tired? I don’t think so! That’s why I came here to find a support and some good words. I do believe a lot of wonderful women will help me, or if I don’t get help i just will have a support! So it would be really nice to read anything from you all. Who knows, maybe my solution is next to me?

Thank you for reading


#2

Oh, honey, i know how it feels, I’m so sorry for this…
Yrs ago when we just started ttc, we both felt emotional wrecks after the first unsuccessful months. My DH was on an antidepressant and sometimes struggled with a sex drive. He was trying hard as really wanted a baby too. But sometimes didn’t have it in him. Particularly if we had sex a few times close together. We tried every other day around my fertile window. That was hard for me too. I so desperately wanted a baby and felt if we didn’t BD enough we wouldn’t be able to conceive. I had been taking prenatal vitamins for a long time. My last cycle of ttc started taking chasteberry, B complex, and evening primrose oil. At the beginning my doctor didn’t want to do anything with my known low progesterone. She said she would refer me to a fertility specialist given some more time. So we had to wait for longer. Was just getting very frustrated with all this! and waiting to see a fertility specialist when I clearly had problems. Started to feel very down about this process. I needed some support on what to do next. Actually this led me to this and some other fertility forums. I believe you did right turning all your worries to threads here. Lovelies here are awsome, I even found some friends here. From what I got from your post, is that you’ve suffered pretty much lately. And you’ve probably tried all the possible options except surrogacy. Have you ever considered it?? We’ve been through treatments twice, both times with ukrainian clinic, passed donor egg cycles. So I’ve got pretty much info concerning surrogacy there as, you know, if no luck, we’d have gone this path too. Since now I’m keeping you in my paryers and hope you’ll get more peace in your heart soon. Stay well. I’m here if you want some steam off or just for a good talk.


#3

‘’…my imagination of a happy family was a bit different. I wanted to hear noises of my children and not that empty noise of a key!’’ –
The level of love for a child cannot be compared. But yes, those who wait 10 years for a child will likely cherish each moment in a different way than someone who got pregnant right away. It’s one of the few gifts of infertility. And I don’t think that needs to be stolen away from those who have walked the path. After my first loss ever, I was encouraged to go through grief counseling. At that time the practice had someone on staff who was available to meet with patients. She essentially reminded me to live in the moment with any pregnancy. And to know that protecting my feelings and not getting truly engaged because of the risk of loss wouldn’t reduce my pain if I ‘‘were’’ to lose it. There is simply no way to protect your heart. That helped me, and somehow, I knew when I got that last positive test, I finally allowed myself to experience joy. That’s why I wish you peace in your further experience so much!!


#4

All of our 4 IVF cycles failed to make me pregnant. Here’s the kicker. My infertility technically isn’t that bad. Low progesterone, one blocked tube, and a couple of benign congenial defects. Ovulation was happening naturally but weakly. In fact we had the doctor tell us that we should have been able to get pregnant naturally at least once in the three years we had been trying.
I’d like to say I held out hope until after the 4th IVF, but I didn’t. I gave up hope after it. and simply did the 5th so I wouldn’t suffer the “what if’s” later on. We could do more IVF. but even doing a single one more would have stretched our finances to the absolute limit. I already feel bad enough about what we’ve spent on (what I feel is) my defective uterus already. Like someone in a casino I’ve lost enough money on this gamble. My husband wanted to use donor eggs with IVF but he had concede in the face of overwhelming cost and quite frankly didn’t want to pressure me into a stressful situation (unless we started to investigate overseas option – Bio texcom clinic).
Adoption was always part of the game plan. We always planned step one of expanding our family would be bio kids. then step two would be adopting from foster care. All that’s changed is step two is now step one. I can’t say I’m not bummed, because I am, but this won’t be the first time my life plans have been upended and at least this one is a slight alteration rather than having everything turned upside down. I guess in general I’m just relieved it’s over!! And that I’m finally prego with my baby#1 ever!! My entire lifestyle has revolved around this for almost four years!! From the food and beverages I consumed, to the exercises I did. And even the deoderant I wore…Now it’s all over! A new life starts for both of us…