Infertile after abortion. IVF didn't work. I'm lost


#1

Girls, really don’t know what to do, need your advice. My husband and I have got married 4 year ago. First year of our marriage we’ve been trying to conceive a baby, but unsuccessfully. And actually I knew the reason why. When I was 17 I had an abortion. Nobody knew about it, I had never told about it neither my parents nor friends. And I was very scared to tell about it to my husband. I was afraid he won’t understand and he’ll leave me. And I would never tell about it to my parents. They are very strict and spiritual people. Everyday I heard “We want grandchildren!”, “Why don’t you still have kids?”, “Don’t you want to become a mother?” Of course I wanted! I’ve been thinking about it every second of my life and still do! One day I made a decision to tell everything to my husband and I did. I was surprised by his reaction, because he actually supported me and he really didn’t understand why I was so afraid to tell him earlier. He gave me courage to tell my parents about the reason of my infertility. But their reaction surprised me even more and not in a good sense. In a word, we never talk after that “conversation”. Their words had almost broken me down, but thanks to my husband, I gathered my spirits and we started to think about solutions, because we still wanted to have kids. So we decided to try IVF. We had 5 cycles and all of them failed. Each failure was unbearable. Each following cycle was like a knife in the heart. I blame myself and I understand that all this is only my fault. This is so painful! I cry all night long, I just don’t know what to do. I want to stop this depression, want to start living, want to have a happy family and the most important – want to have children! We think about surrogacy. But where should we start our search? Maybe you could advice a good clinic? And also IVF procedures pulled a lot of money from us, so maybe you know clinics with affordable prices?

Cassandra


#2

Hi Cassandra, I’m sorry for your situation. I’m sure you have your own reasons to do the abortion. Anyway, you should stop blaming yourself . You can’t change your past, but you can make your future better, filling it with happiness. Surrogacy is a very good idea and it should work for you! I understand you better than anyone else. I want to have kids, but I can’t. The procedure of surrogacy costs much in our country. My husband and I have already decided that we’ll go to the clinic abroad. We’ve considered clinics in India, Russia and Ukraine. But recently we’ve decided to stop our search on the clinic in Ukraine. We’ve been thinking and searching for a long time. And finally we’ve founded a good clinic with professional doctors and suitable conditions for us.


#3

Hello Gloria! Thank you so much for your support and understanding! Congrats about successful search. Why did you choose Ukrainian clinic? Why did you exclude India and Russia? I think there are no difference between surrogacy in Russia and Ukraine. There are so many clinics and we want to find the good one. Also I’ve heard that there are a lot of fake agencies in Ukraine. This fact put us on guard… What is the name of that clinic you’ve chosen? Are you 100% sure they are not scammers?


#4

The clinic we’ve chosen is called BioTexCom. There are a lot of good reviews, you probably saw some comments here, at this forum. I met a couple of girls here, who had surrogacy there in Ukraine and asked them about this clinic. I’ve seen a lot of reviews in the internet, but it’s better to chat with people, who saw everything with their own eyes, who know the procedure and the most important, who have successful result! Speaking about India, there were stories of couples, who underwent surrogacy there and now they have healthy kids. But we’ve also read horrible stories about Indian clinics, that their SMs had no proper medical examination. Also the fact, that some of their clinics may demand extra payment in the end of procedure for services, which weren’t discussed in the beginning. We want transparency in the whole procedure and we were looking for honest and open to view clinic. Speaking about Russia, this country is also popular in surrogacy issue, but they have a law, which says that surrogate mom is an actual mom of the child. So SM can leave your baby to herself. This law scared us away! Actually the fact that there are a lot of fake agencies in Ukraine had also gave a fright, but talking to girls here gave us confidence in this clinic. Of course we are still nervous. My husband is not a young boy, he has problems with heart and I really try my best to comfort him. He wants kids so much and we need to be sure in clinic we’ll visit. We had already assigned our first meeting with doctor. I will tell you more info, when we’ll get back)


#5

Hello girls! Gloria, I’m so glad I helped you in your search) I can’t tell you how happy I am now! I have my son and my husband surrounds us with so much love and so much care! This clinic gave our family and a lot of other couples the second chance. I’m so grateful! I want to share my successful experience and I hope it will help a lot of people to find their happiness. We are planning to go for second baby in a half of the year or maybe less. Girls, I wish you strength, confidence and luck! Kids are treasure and it’s a big fortune, that there are clinics, which can help such women as we are to have their own wonderful treasures!


#6

Hello girls!Thank you for help and support! It means a lot for me, especially in my situation… Yesterday I told my husband about biotexcom, we discussed everything and visited their official site. Girls, I have just a few more questions for you! As you probably know, there is war in Ukraine and we don’t know if it is safe to go there. And what about language barrier? We don’t know Ukrainian at all… How to find clinic? How to find housing? And in what condition is this clinic? Because, you know, how they show Russia and Ukraine on tv, old buildings with old equipment… We saw picture of the clinic on their site, but my husband do not believe it’s real))


#7

As I know, the war is going on at the east side of Ukraine. I’m not sure if there are still holding meetings in Kiev… Reading reviews I’ve never met some concerns or complaints about the war. I didn’t even think about danger…but now I do. Dee, when did you visited clinic? Is it safe to be in Ukraine now? I was so deep involved into clinic, that I completely forgot about situation in their country. When we talked with their manager, she didn’t say a word that it’s dangerous or not safe. So I hope it is securely there…


#8

I visited Ukraine in November 2015. You’re right, Gloria, the war takes place at east. There were no meetings or strikes in Kiev, so you shouldn’t be worried about it) It is absolutely safe in Kiev! There were no problems with communication, because the clinic provided us with a manager, who translated everything for us. She was was with us all time, we asked her questions about everything we needed. Her knowledge was on the highest level so there were no misunderstandings. The clinic also provided us with a taxi and taxi driver met us in the airport. Housing is also provided by clinic. We lived in comfortable apartment with all needed facilities. All pictures on their website are real!) I had this stereotype too, I didn’t expect so modern and fancy style. The clinic has the newest equipment and modern design. I fall in love with Kiev! It’s very beautiful city with kind-hearted people)


#9

Thank you Dee! You’ve calmed me down. Because my husband was worrying about us and he even started to look for another clinic. I will talk with him today and explain the situation! He is such an alarmist! He always panics ahead of time)) We will consider all your advices. I think we’ll contact a couple of clinics tomorrow. I don’t want to wait anymore and torture myself and my husband. It’s time for action. Thank you girls for support!


#10

You’re welcome) I wish you good luck and stay always positive! If you have some questions, don’t be shy to ask) I’m always ready to help! And I will wait for good news! So keep me updated) We all will be waiting for your post with successful surrogacy story!)


#11

Hi girls! Nice to meet new people) I also was in biotexcom. Today they are popular among foreigners… When I was there clinic was full with foreigners, I also saw Indian couple) (if talking about famous Indian surrogacy treatment)) I don’t know maybe they work only for foreigners, I didn’t see any ukrainian client, only pregnant and new surrogates and donors, they were in rest room. Cannot say that it was easy for me to have treatment there. Many things and people irritated me. All the process was very nervous, I wasn’t positive)) But I am a mother and if you ask if it worth to visit biotex, I will tell yes)


#12

Hi Dee.R! I have some good news) We were in Ukraine and we signed contract with biotexcom! Everything was as you’ve told me. There were many people and lines were really huge, but anyway I’m thinking only about procedure and our future baby) I remember you told you’re going to have one more surrogacy in autumn. Have you already started the process? I hope to hear some news from you) And thank you very much for helpful advice) You’ve helped us a lot!


#13

Hello Bria! We’ve just started our surrogacy process with biotexcom. We also saw many foreigners. There were couples from all over the world. I think that’s a good sign. The lines were long and we were waiting for hours to meet with our doctor. Anyway I think the most important is positive result! I’m happy for you and for your baby) May I ask you what problems did you faced during your surrogacy? What things were irritating for you? I hope you’ll share your thoughts and experience with me) I want to know more about is so maybe I’ll be able to make my procedure smooth. I’m glad to hear that despite all inconveniences you faced, you still recommend this clinic. I hope they with help us to become parents too) It’s my biggest dream! I’ll update when I’ll have some good news)


#14

I’m so happy for you, dear! I wish you all the best in your surrogacy journey) Lines were long during our visits too, but this inconvenience was totally forgotten when our son was born! This waiting will pay off, I promise) Yes, we’re going to BioTexCom next month! We’ve already appointed date of our meeting with the doctor. We are very excited! I’ll keep you updated and I’ll wait for more news from you! I wish both of us good luck!


#15

Hi! If ivf doesn’t work then probably it’s time to look onto surrogacy options. There’s a helpful site surroparents.org. It offers free consultations with their intended patients. Also a friend of mine went through surrogacy in Ukraine. I’ve shared this story on threads about surrogacy. One thing is for sure - there’s always way out!! Just keep on moving and doing more research. Good luck X