Hi all. My name’s S. I’m 43 years old. We’re a happy couple from Canada. But probably only a couple but not a full family. We don’t have children and this is our most horrifying pain. Before marriage I happened to have a severe heart disease. But that time it wasn’t fully clear that I wouldn’t be able to give a birth to a child by myself. We hoped from the very beginning that something would turn for better and we would get rid off the disease. We tried to find the way out in several clinics abroad. My husband and I tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant with a variety of assisted-reproduction techniques, including IVF. But the fact was established forever – my health condition makes pregnancy impossible and medically risky. That seems we both – my baby and me – have no chances to stay alive together. Now I’m writing all this and can’t stop crying. I wish it could be different! We cannot think of adoption, because my husband insists on having a biologically related child. But using surrogacy is still somewhat controversial for us.
If you want to have a biologically related baby through new reproductive technologies and if surrogacy remains the only possible variant, try to get used to it. It is a pretty good option. Besides you can choose from two kinds of surrogate mothers. It goes like following. ~A traditional surrogate is a woman who is artificially inseminated with the father’s sperm. Then she carries the baby up to term. She delivers a baby for the parents to raise. But the most confusing thing here is that a traditional surrogate becomes the baby’s biological mother. Because it was her egg that was fertilized by the father’s sperm. Another possible variant for this type of surrogacy is using donor sperm. Yet another kind is a gestational surrogate. Successful result here may be achieved due to IVF. It makes it possible to harvest eggs from the mother. Then fertilize them with sperm from the father and place the embryo into the uterus of a gestational surrogate. The surrogate then carries the baby until birth. And the great plus here is that a gestational surrogate has no genetic ties to the child. She is usually called the ‘birth mother’. The biological mother is still the woman whose egg was fertilized; this is you!.
Seems every infertility story starts the same - heartbreak, confusion, anger…whatever once you hear the verdict - “You’re not going to conceive with own eggs. Let it be 5% not more…” From that very moment your life changes forever. You seek every other option to be done just to keep on moving and look desperately for success. And hope, hope, hope…and when it looks like you’re exhausted and crawl to your aim it finally works out! This was the story flow for us. I’m 49 yo, years of struggling behind. DX - endo, egg aging. Dh was super ok though he’s 52! Our last try home ended with early miscarriage, so we were finally told to move onto donor eggs. And we followed the advice coming to Ukrainian clinic. We booked 5 shots program there with the guaranteed result but didn’t believe any guarantees at all as no one can be sure in infertility game. At least we were assured to get our money back if it didn’t work after 5 shots. Actually it took us 4tries. 1st one was a failure, AF came 3 days earlier the testing day. We took a break to heal emotionally mainly and went on. May OTD brought us BFP we still cannot believe our luck!! I believe God rewards us for waiting. Whatever the situation is just keep on moving and don’t give up! Wish you all the best of luck with your treatments and lots and loads of baby dust to you, lovelies X
I’m Melissa, 37 from Israel. I’ve been trying to have another for five years already and have two failed IVF attempts so far. This really ruined me mentally but I just believed God has a plan so I never gave up. I’m off have my 3rd attempt later this month and am really anxious about. Im flying to Cyprus just for it so I really hope it will be worth it. Has anyone gotten IVF in Cyprus already?
I’m afraid I cannot be of much help with IVF Cyorus experiences. But I definitely can help with some ‘‘tips’’ on how to survive the tough moments.
So here are things that helped. Figuring out the people who could sit and be a great ear when I needed it, not just dismiss or want to avoid the reality of IF and how I was feeling in this new pursuit. Avoiding people who made me feel worse. Finding special things to do when otherwise my mind would run - movie, series, book, day trip, walk on a beauty day, etc. Connecting with an IF counsellor who could help me reframe my thinking and plan in advance how to better get through events and situations that gave me anxiety. And ultimately remind myself that giving myself my best and healthiest shot at this does not involve negative self-talk or torturing myself emotionally - finding key statements to repeat helped. Things like “I am doing the best I can and giving myself my very best shot.” “I will get through this and be kind to myself in the process.” “I believe in my body and even if it takes time, I know I will become a mother.”
BTW, we’ve passed OE surrogacy treatment plan in Ukraine. And you know it involves IVF too. Feel free to ask, whenever you need. Wishing you the best.
I totally agree. Whilst going through fertility treatments it’s important to have one another for support. me then - 40 yo, dh - 42 yo. ttc since 2014. Our struggle history includes 2 failed ivf shots with OE. 1 failed ivf with DE. 1 successful DE ivf cycle. All this time dh was rock of support for me. Furthermore at the very start of the treatments I had him for doing injectables for a week or two to get adjusted to them. Working together is precious!
How are the things going currently? Are you satisfied with the outcome? Please, drop a line - lol. As for me, we’re planning our next visit to biotex. Trying to evaluate our chances for a sibling…
I was in the case of using donor eggs. So I so badly wanted to be ok with this option. But I was struggling and was wondering how to reconcile my feelings. There was no hope for me to ever have my own genetic child, to ever have a child that will be a mix of myself and my husband. The pain was like something I was unable to describe. Despite my emotional distress with this option, rationally, I knew DE seemed like our best option. But the thought of seeing a child that is half my husband and half another woman made me feel physically ill. I couldn’t get myself there for a period of time. But once I accepted this very option with inner part of me and got curious on how the process starts and lasts, I surprisingly felt strong to move onto. I don’t know how much time is needed to pull oneself together. We are too different.
Try to give yourself as much as needed. Hoping for your luck and huge hugs xx
I’d been struggling so much before getting there!! My dh was a rock of support, he seemed to agree to any way offered including adoption. But for me it was even worse…I know I shouldn’t say like this as people find it purely egoistic when opting for surrogacy treatments when there are so many youngies left without parents…And there is some point about that undoubtedly. But I felt this was not my game. I needed to participate in the process my dh’s and my baby was created. I wanted to be one of those who’d see our baby arriving into this world. I wanted to be the one holding her with the first deep breathe. I couldn’t get there when seeing a strange kid and telling him 'ok, now I’m your mom. And here’s your dad. Love us as we are here to adopt you…'omg!! I feel I never could do this!!
With surrogacy things were more vivid. You know you’ll have a baby, a beautiful mix of dh’s and my own DNA. Yes, we need a woman to carry a baby for us, so what? We need help and surrogate is willing to help us. Should we resisit?! Of course no, because this is the chance for lots of couples to be happy with their kids. So why not to use it…