I just got bad news about my IVF yesterday. I don’t think I can afford to do it again, and I’m absolutely devastated. I cried all day yesterday and then when I was on the phone with my older brother last night, something he said triggered the flood gate again. I finally explained to him what was going on (he knows I’ve been trying, but he doesn’t know for how long and how much trouble I had). Anyway, after several minutes of me sobbing uncontrollably, he finally said, “Listen, I was told to keep this quiet, but I think I need to tell you something.” And then he compassionately told me that my other brother and his wife are expecting and they’re planning on making the announcement at Thanksgiving dinner.
I’m not usually a bitter person, but I feel like this process had made me so. And honestly? I don’t want to go to Thanksgiving dinner now. I don’t mind showing up afterwards, but I don’t want to sit there throughout the entire dinner, waiting for the joyful news. And I don’t know how I’ll react. Someone can just look at me wrong right now, and I’ll burst into tears. I hope it will get better, but right now, I’m just a wreck.
What would you do? Is it absolutely awful to not go? Or should I buck up and quit being a baby? Does it make it more awful that I’m actually flying into town for Thanksgiving, and that they would all know that I’m choosing to sit in a hotel room over having dinner with them? This is just so hard! As it is, I’m having to watch another SIL grow. She and I got pregnant at the same time, and I miscarried. So I watch her belly get large, I see the plans they’re making, the baby room they’re decorating, and I can’t help but think “that is exactly where I would be.” I’m happy for her, of course!! But it hurts doubly bad that she is due exactly when I would have been due.
Ugh, I’m in a poor me mode and I need to stop.