It is so hard some times


#1

I have not been on here for quite a while. I am having a really hard time right now. Here is my back story. My DH and I have been TTC since July of 07’. We were told in 08’ that Dh had NOA and the only chance of having a child would be to do IVF. The first RE we went to was horrendous, and told us we did not have any chance. We went for a 2nd opinion that same year and were told we had at least a 60% chance. We were set to do IVf with the Second doctor in March of 09’. In Jan of 09’ I was told I was getting laid off in April of 09’ and my husband lost his job 2 weeks later. So we had to cancel since we both lost our jobs. At this point I have been at a temp to hire position for 15 months and have yet to be hired on. My husband just started a new job in the past month. I am so depressed as we have not been able to do anything. It has been almost 4 years and we have nothing to show for it. I have been a part of a support group but even that is sometimes hard as they are going through cycles and I am never doing anything. I am so sick of hearing pregnancy and birth announcements. I hate it that when I do hear them I go home at night and just cry. It does not help that I work with a pregnant woman right now and another coworker is talking about her daughters pregnancy. I feel like I will never get a chance to even try to have a baby. I am so tired of having my arms ache to hold my own child. I am so tired of being in this position. I am tired of hearing my family and friends tell me just to be patient. I have been patient for almost 4 years. I feel like it will never happen. We don’t even have medical insurance so I can’t even go talk to a psychiatrist. There are days that I am perfectly fine and can handle it. There are then days where it is so hard to get through. I would welcome any advise you could give. Thanks in advance.


#2

I wish I had real advice for you. I really feel for your situation. I’m sorry your family tells you to be patient. I find it so surprising how little people understand about infertility if they haven’t been there. I have such well-meaning family, but I mostly try to avoid talking to them about this because they never make me feel any better - usually make me feel worse. It is so much more than being patient. I could EASILY be patient if I knew when we would have children, hell, it would be easy if I only knew [I]that[/I] we would have children. I have found that the only thing that really makes me feel better is concentrating on my love for husband and his love for me. I try to enjoy time with him - even try to do things I don’t think we’d get to do if we have children. Try to forgive yourself for your feelings and the things they keep you from doing. I really wish I could give you better advice. I hope someone who knows your experience better can give you good advice. I wish you all the best of luck!