It's finally over


#1

After waiting for a month, I finally began miscarrying naturally 2 weeks ago. The worst part was that my Dr never told me that I was going to have contractions.

2 days I was in bed with the feeling that someone was crushing my tummy and back. I was alone, in pain and had to take pain killers every 4 hours.

And finally on day 2 something plopped out… Didnt even look.

My anguish, frustration, and sadness began to gush all out again. Why isn’t that when I cope with a loss it seems like baby season for everyone else? While I was grieving, I know at least 2 who were giving birth. The irony was I was asked why I didn’t visit them?!

I’m still trying to figure out what my next steps should be. Not sure anymore… That’s 2 losses in 6 months…


#2

I am sorry you had to go through that. I went through that in May of this year ( I took cytotec, but was at home). It was painful and alot of blood! We kept the baby and buried it. Also I had two good friends due around the time that I would have been due. The day came and past and the baby pics came in the mail and facebook. It was painful and I am just going now to meet one of the little ones. With time I got over it and moved forward and tried for 6 months untill I got pregnant again. Each :bfn: was terrible. I am now pregnant, but I am so worried that something will happen. My point is that with time things get better because they have to. As long as I have a goal and DH to cry too I seem to be able to move forward. I hope you can find the same strength and hope.

With two losses I hope that you can get some answers. Have they been in a row? Are they checking your progesterone? Did you have chromosomal testing done? Have you had blood clotting factors ruled out?

All stuff to think about and to ask about. Take Care and I hope that 2012 brings a happy healthy baby to you.


#3

I am so sorry for your loss. We had almost the exact same dates… I got my BFP on 10/31/11, and we found out on 11/21/11 that there was not HB and the baby was measuring 5 weeks and 6 days. We opted after a week for a D/C because I just couldn’t deal with the emotional pain. Over the past 4 weeks I have definitely come a long way, although I am still grieving and will always remember our baby that we lost. I just started promethium so I am waiting for AF and then going to try again this month hopefully with Femara and Ovidrel. This is a long, hard road, but I have changed my thoughts to positive ones about what is to come instead of what I have lost. I will be thinking and praying for you!


#4

Thank you both for your comments, and apologies for my late response.

To answer both of your questions, I was told that my hormones need to go back to 0 before I can do any testings, and finally it has. It was a 3 month roller coaster, but thankful its over.

In fact, I’ll get to do all the chromosomal testings, etc… soon.

I’m going to try again this time but with a natural cycle, Dr. will monitor me and ensure that I get all the help needed.

Lots of baby dust to all of us :babydust:


#5

I had and IUI on 12/30/11 and took a HPT 1/14/11 and got my :bfp: went in for Beta on 1/16/11 and the numbers were good at 210 noticed some pain and pressure when I woke up Tuesday morning to go to the bathroom and got to work and saw some blood. Called the RE and was told by the nurse that I was probably not drinking enough water and the fact that the blood was dark brownish that it was old and normal. Went in Wednesday 1/18/11 for another HCG test and the numbers dropped down to 120 and I was told that I would have to return on Sunday for another test to see if the levels changed any and that it may not be a viable pregnancy. Needless to say Wednesday night I started hurting even worse and had to return to the doctor on Thursday 1/19/11 and at that time I was told that I would experience a miscarriage and had to have labs done. The HCG test ran that day showed that my levels had dropped down to 60 and it should happen within a week.

I have never felt so emotionally hurt and spiritually drained. The pain and cramps that I am feeling are horrible and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. DH has yet to tell me how he feels about it but I can see the hurt in his eyes. It makes me feel alone in this because he will not share with me his thoughts and feelings. But he did make it a point to tell me he loves me and he does not want to give up on having a child together. PCOS has left me feeling like less than a woman, broken, defeated, and discouraged wondering will this ever happen for me.


#6

I’m sorry for your loss. I really don’t know what to say to make you feel better. This is a pain that no one with you can experience.

We’ve been through it and understand, but the people around us will never know how much it hurts emotionally and physically.

All I can tell you is to be patient, and take some painkillers until its over… Your turn will come, you’re still young. You just need to be patient and have the strength to keep going…

We’re all here with you, so don’t worry.


#7

I only had severe pain Sunday and Monday and took the pain meds those two days and wend in for a CD3 appointment today and I am considering my second round of IUI sooner rather than later at the urging of DH to proceed.

Thank you for your kind words. While I may be young PCOS is a huge factor in the quality of my eggs and if I will get the right one to get my :bfp: and it stick this time around. Saying tons of :pray: not only for myself but you ladies as well.


#8

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#9

first time on these boards

I want to start by saying that I am truly sorry for all of your losses. I never thought I would be on this thread, but have just gone through the most horrible experience any woman should. My DH and I had been trying to conceive for 6 yrs now, and we have 2 beautiful IVF children (see my sig below). Well, my baby girl is now going to be 2, and on Jan 6th I took a chance and got a preg test. I had felt strange the past 2 weeks and noticed that my breasts were very sore (not a pms sign for me) so I had a very strange feeling. Well, it was +. My DH and I cried in surprise, excitement, and nervousness all together. I didnt even think that was possible to happen for us…we couldnt believe it.
I went for my 6 wk appt with my OB and he did an ultrasound and we saw a gest sac in the uterus, but no fetal pole yet. Dr said his machine is so old that could be the reason, or that it is too early. Thats when the doubt started.
2 days later (sunday) I started to spot brown, then pink, very lightly but also felt a constant very mild cramp. Not bad, but I was aware of it. Well, called Dr and he told me to go to ER. In the ER had bloodwork done (beta was 3400) and had an ultrasound, we saw the baby and the heartbeat!! I cried because I couldnt believe it! We made a baby, naturally!! I was discharged from ER and was as happy as could be.
Well, then everything changed. Monday I started bleeding. I kept telling myself that it was from the pelvix exam and the ultrasound, but part of me knew. Then the cramps worsened. I stayed off my feet all day. That night I had actual contractions all night. I was in such pain I knew this was not normal and the bleeding worsened. I couldnt even call my Dr. I felt as though I dont want this process to happen in a hosp, if I’m going to lose a baby I want to do it at home alone.
Next day I wrote myself a script for a new beta (I’m a nurse). Beta dropped to 1000. I was devastated, as I had fooled myself into thinking a million other things could be happening, not miscarrying! I feel like a completely different person and my hurt and fellings of loss are so raw. I would never wish the emotional and physical pain on anybody!
I have the ultrasound report from the hospital where the heartbeat was seen and keep holding it to my chest, and crying. How does anyone deal with this?
Thanks for reading my experience, I feel like I need to tell someone who has also gone through this. I feel like I made and lost a miracle all in 3 days!


#10

I am so sorry for you loss I know these words do not make you feel any better. My heart was broken after this miscarriage this was the first time I have been pregnant and I was starting to get excited. My DH children from previous relationships and I love them like they are my own but for me I want to experience it myself and have a child that is part of me and DH. I will be praying for healing both physical and mental for you and your DH to get through this.


#11

Again, I’m sorry for what you had to go through. It’s a killer to get good and bad news in the same week…

I remember I was 5 weeks 5 days when Dr. told me everything looked great then the week after I was all happy and excited that I would hear the heart, but instead was sadly told that my baby didn’t grow.

It was heartbreaking. No one can experience it.

What you went through is not easy, and I can’t say it will get easier. We just have to be patient and take things one step at a time.

I know he next time we’re all pregnant, the fear of what might happen will always haunt us therefore will make each day, week seem longer.

Hope all the best for us, and lots of baby dusts.


#12

Thank you for your words. It is truly baffling to me why some of us who struggle with fertility in the first place, have to go through such traumatic events on top of that.


#13

[QUOTE=jennrn]Thank you for your words. It is truly baffling to me why some of us who struggle with fertility in the first place, have to go through such traumatic events on top of that.[/QUOTE]

Tell me about it, but it’s what’s written for us so we have to take it one step at a time.


#14

Hi ladies, thank you for all sharing your experiences. I am currently in the process of miscarrying. I woke up this morning to some cramping and blood. The cramps got pretty bad but have since slowed down. And I’m not bleeding as much, so it’s very confusing. I know the worst is to come, and I’m nervous as to what is ahead for me. I know every woman has a different experience, so it’s hard to know what to expect. But it does feel good to know I’m not alone in this experience.


#15

So sorry. It is a heart-wrenching experience.