first time on these boards
I want to start by saying that I am truly sorry for all of your losses. I never thought I would be on this thread, but have just gone through the most horrible experience any woman should. My DH and I had been trying to conceive for 6 yrs now, and we have 2 beautiful IVF children (see my sig below). Well, my baby girl is now going to be 2, and on Jan 6th I took a chance and got a preg test. I had felt strange the past 2 weeks and noticed that my breasts were very sore (not a pms sign for me) so I had a very strange feeling. Well, it was +. My DH and I cried in surprise, excitement, and nervousness all together. I didnt even think that was possible to happen for us…we couldnt believe it.
I went for my 6 wk appt with my OB and he did an ultrasound and we saw a gest sac in the uterus, but no fetal pole yet. Dr said his machine is so old that could be the reason, or that it is too early. Thats when the doubt started.
2 days later (sunday) I started to spot brown, then pink, very lightly but also felt a constant very mild cramp. Not bad, but I was aware of it. Well, called Dr and he told me to go to ER. In the ER had bloodwork done (beta was 3400) and had an ultrasound, we saw the baby and the heartbeat!! I cried because I couldnt believe it! We made a baby, naturally!! I was discharged from ER and was as happy as could be.
Well, then everything changed. Monday I started bleeding. I kept telling myself that it was from the pelvix exam and the ultrasound, but part of me knew. Then the cramps worsened. I stayed off my feet all day. That night I had actual contractions all night. I was in such pain I knew this was not normal and the bleeding worsened. I couldnt even call my Dr. I felt as though I dont want this process to happen in a hosp, if I’m going to lose a baby I want to do it at home alone.
Next day I wrote myself a script for a new beta (I’m a nurse). Beta dropped to 1000. I was devastated, as I had fooled myself into thinking a million other things could be happening, not miscarrying! I feel like a completely different person and my hurt and fellings of loss are so raw. I would never wish the emotional and physical pain on anybody!
I have the ultrasound report from the hospital where the heartbeat was seen and keep holding it to my chest, and crying. How does anyone deal with this?
Thanks for reading my experience, I feel like I need to tell someone who has also gone through this. I feel like I made and lost a miracle all in 3 days!