Its often said " There's a reason for everything" I just wonder what is my reason


#1

I have often heard and even made the statement before
that , " Everything happens for a reason"

as I sit here and ponder on my last Beta …when I called into my RE office and heard those words from my nurse beginning with" I’m sorry" I sit here and I wonder what my reason is in receiving the results that I received.
I came up with a few reason:
maybe I am not eating healthy enough
maybe I am not drinking enough water
maybe I need to increase my green veggies
maybe the 3 sodas I drank in 1 month I should not have
maybe I stress over the issue to much

What if this and what if that

Then I reconsider everything I just said maybe to because I am a healthy eater, I drink water, I am not over weight I don’t smoke, I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs…
however I have seen those that have done every drug from marijuana to meth to crack drink alcohol smoke
packs of cigarettes and go on to have a healthy baby !
Not married have kids when they didn’t even want to have a kid and complain the entire time when they are pregnant

about being pregnant .They go on to have kids by multiple men like 5 different dads …I could go on and on but I think you get the picture.

So my reason is : guess because my husband and I have been together for 8 years and we are in love. Oh might I add I would be a great mother and we are married. Or maybe because the baby would have stability and Parents that want he or she. We didn’t just have sex and surprise your pregnant and were not planning on it and now I’m upset. Maybe I am eating too healthy … Or maybe cause I have so much money I can just continue to spend it on IVF cycles!!! ******sarcastic

I am just so hurt and I know that I am not the only one that has been through this and unfortunately I want be the last…but I do not have money for multiple cycles , and the medicine its so expensive !

My RE’s have told me so many good things I have blastocyst , perfect lining and age is on my side. What Is the problem…I do not understand. why did I have a miscarriage and why with such perfect blastocyst and a perfect lining it didn’t work this time!!!

Should I switch and get another RE?

So I have decided to eat a bit more healthier no white bread, increase my veggies and fruits more protein…

sometimes I feel like it want work especially when I see crack and meth heads get pregnant…

so I am just venting and looking for encouragement on what I should do next should I take a break ?

I was thinking about starting up again in January by then I would have saved up more money and a new year maybe will bring new hope with a new healthy baby.

So everything happens for a reason…I just wonder what is mine???


#2

Let me start off by saying I am so sorry. I too believe everything happens for a reason. It took over ten years of trying to finally get pregnant for the first time. At the time I could not figure out why we did not get pregnant and looking at hindsight I know the reasons why. So to this day I still believe everything happens for a reason and when it is meant to happen. It just gets so frustrating I know! Has your RE done testing for your thyroid? It was nine months after I had my daughter that I developed thyroid issues. Some say it is due to IVF meds. Now I am on synthroid to regulate my thyroid. Hopefully it will work.

Stress is also a big obstacle. I tried my very best to keep my calm in many ways. I did massages and I even dropped my full time work schedule to part time. Doing both if those really helped and I believe contributed to enabling me to conceive. I also made sure that my coworkers knew about what I was doing to have a baby and they were so helpful.

I will be thinking of you… Remember keep your eyes on the prize! Much baby dust to you! :babydust:


#3

I’ve been following your case, Kay, since you first started. I really wanted it to work for you…

And I know exactly how you feel. Like you, my wife and I did everything right. Never did any drugs, never drank alcohol, never broke the law, have a rock solid marriage with plentiful affection and sex every day, never even dated other people before or after we came into each other’s lives… the plan, since we were 15, was always to have a family. But fate would have none of it. It can be utterly maddening when we see people who regret having started a family. The only thing that ever seems to comfort me, strangely, is that I don’t think there is any bigger “plan” for why some people endure misfortune while others have it easy. It’s just the way the atoms are arranged, I suppose.

I do think, however, that “everything has a cause,” like you say. Fortunately, for you, we [I]know[/I] what the likely cause is for your misfortune. I seem to recall you have endometriosis issues? And PCOS? By all accounts, your embryos are just about the best that we’ve seen on these boards. That’s an undeniable asset. The only problem is gestational mechanisms. Given the high quality of your embryos, it might actually be more cost effective to do 1 cycle with a surrogate than do 2-3 cycles without one. If your eggs are perfect, which they very nearly are, and you teamed up with someone that had an able uterus, you could possibly get success rates as high as 80-90 percent per cycle.

You see, my wife and I have the exact opposite problem as you. Her uterus is working just fine and she can probably carry a pregnancy without issue, but her egg quality and quantity are very poor. What’s crazy, too, is that my twin sister, my wife’s cousin, and her best friend are all willing to be surrogates… but that’s not our problem! They all just offered without us asking. Is there anyone in your life, perhaps, that would volunteer for such a thing? I know its such a huge thing to ask, but for some people, it doesn’t seem so huge at all.

Well, I don’t know if any of this helped, Kay… personally, I’m always comforted by having some kind of attack plan, rather than vague platitudes about hope and such. You are still young. I think you still have time.


#4

[QUOTE=kaydreambaby]I have often heard and even made the statement before
that , " Everything happens for a reason"

as I sit here and ponder on my last Beta …when I called into my RE office and heard those words from my nurse beginning with" I’m sorry" I sit here and I wonder what my reason is in receiving the results that I received.
I came up with a few reason:
maybe I am not eating healthy enough
maybe I am not drinking enough water
maybe I need to increase my green veggies
maybe the 3 sodas I drank in 1 month I should not have
maybe I stress over the issue to much

What if this and what if that

Then I reconsider everything I just said maybe to because I am a healthy eater, I drink water, I am not over weight I don’t smoke, I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs…
however I have seen those that have done every drug from marijuana to meth to crack drink alcohol smoke
packs of cigarettes and go on to have a healthy baby !
Not married have kids when they didn’t even want to have a kid and complain the entire time when they are pregnant

about being pregnant .They go on to have kids by multiple men like 5 different dads …I could go on and on but I think you get the picture.

So my reason is : guess because my husband and I have been together for 8 years and we are in love. Oh might I add I would be a great mother and we are married. Or maybe because the baby would have stability and Parents that want he or she. We didn’t just have sex and surprise your pregnant and were not planning on it and now I’m upset. Maybe I am eating too healthy … Or maybe cause I have so much money I can just continue to spend it on IVF cycles!!! ******sarcastic

I am just so hurt and I know that I am not the only one that has been through this and unfortunately I want be the last…but I do not have money for multiple cycles , and the medicine its so expensive !

My RE’s have told me so many good things I have blastocyst , perfect lining and age is on my side. What Is the problem…I do not understand. why did I have a miscarriage and why with such perfect blastocyst and a perfect lining it didn’t work this time!!!

Should I switch and get another RE?

So I have decided to eat a bit more healthier no white bread, increase my veggies and fruits more protein…

sometimes I feel like it want work especially when I see crack and meth heads get pregnant…

so I am just venting and looking for encouragement on what I should do next should I take a break ?

I was thinking about starting up again in January by then I would have saved up more money and a new year maybe will bring new hope with a new healthy baby.

So everything happens for a reason…I just wonder what is mine???[/QUOTE]

From the personal experience, I would never go to a new cycle without testing reasons for the previous failure. D3mian mentioned yoyr endo and pcos. You should see if you have endo tissues abstravting your implantation. Then, check about your insuline redistance. Then, as a complete approach to the isdue, I would have bladts genetically tested. You are young, but you never know. Plus, we shouldn’t forget that even hormones we take damage eggs and embryos. Finally, hla matches. I’m telling you this because of my experience. However, if you want to avoid all of this, as Demian said, go for gest.surrogate.
I also believe there are readons for everything that will reveal themselves later (unless they are already obvious).
Don’t lose faith. Your time will come.


#5

I apologize for typing mistakes. Im sending this from the mobile.


#6

I can’t answer that

:grr: I have had a few losses and I HATED when people told me that “everything happens for a reason” to try to make me feel better. I don’t believe that the reason is pre-determined. However, maybe the way we deal with the setbacks and losses ends up making us better and appreciate what we WILL have more?!? That is the hope I hang on to.

I will be thinking of you and I hope positive, good things start coming your way! :babydust:

I have no explanation of why irresponsible people can reproduce like rabbits! :confused:


#7

[QUOTE=AliceJP]:grr: I have had a few losses and I HATED when people told me that “everything happens for a reason” to try to make me feel better. I don’t believe that the reason is pre-determined. However, maybe the way we deal with the setbacks and losses ends up making us better and appreciate what we WILL have more?!? That is the hope I hang on to.

I will be thinking of you and I hope positive, good things start coming your way! :babydust:

I have no explanation of why irresponsible people can reproduce like rabbits! :confused:[/QUOTE]
It’s the matter of faith. Some people believe in God, some don’t.


#8

[QUOTE=AliceJP]:grr: I have had a few losses and I HATED when people told me that “everything happens for a reason” to try to make me feel better. I don’t believe that the reason is pre-determined. However, maybe the way we deal with the setbacks and losses ends up making us better and appreciate what we WILL have more?!? That is the hope I hang on to.

I will be thinking of you and I hope positive, good things start coming your way! :babydust:

I have no explanation of why irresponsible people can reproduce like rabbits! :confused:[/QUOTE]

Hearing that phrase can certainly be a kick in the mouth, for sure. It implies that you should remain inactive in solving your own problems (which, for people with severe fertility issues, means you will basically never succeed). My brother has a habit of saying those kinds of things and it drives me crazy. “If it was meant to happen, it will happen…”

But I think there are two ways one can see the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” One way looks at the physical “proximate causes:” things like PCOS, egg quality, aneuploidy, male factor etc. The other one looks at the mystical “ultimate causes:” God is upset or has a other plans for you, malevolent spirits have rendered you infertile, a person is cosmically ill-fated, etc.

I would insist that there is always a “proximate cause” for infertility, and would never be satisfied with an RE just shrugging his/her shoulders after a failed cycle. But I’d be hesitant to prescribe an “ultimate cause” to a person’s infertility, especially if you think that God might be punishing you. I don’t think the God of Abraham would be in the business of punishing people for unbelief or unfaithfulness by rendering them infertile. If he was, China and India wouldn’t be the most heavily populated places on Earth.


#9

When I was struggling to conceive our first child, one of my best friends took me aside, wiped my tears, and said something along the lines of:

“Your time will come. It doesn’t matter how or where that child comes to you, you will love it with all your heart and THAT will be the right time and the right child.”

I don’t know if that will help you, but I clung to those words like crazy during that time, and TTC #2. If I had gotten pregnant all those other times, I wouldn’t have my amazing son. This phrase also made me feel like doing donor eggs or adopting or whatnot were all REAL options that would offer REAL results. They may not be the plan I chose for myself, but things don’t always happen as we want them to…and sometimes there are reasons things happen and we can’t possibly understand why!!

Anyway, best wishes to you. I know how hard those BFNs can be, and I hope you get some concrete answers to explain WHY this isn’t your time just yet. Have you tried acupuncture? I have no idea if it really works as far as helping with lining or implantation or whatnot, but we did get pregnant using that on our first IVF cycle. And, if nothing else, it really did help with the stress level. I was so relaxed during those appointments and felt like a new person every time I left…and it was something productive that really made me feel like I was DOING something! Does that make sense?

Hugs and hope to read about your BFP soon!


#10

Did you stay on metformin? I saw it in your sig. It was my wonder drug. After 4 chemical pregnancies (with every iui), one child through a donor embryo, one through ivf I was diagnosed with pcos by my OB. After two months of metformin 1500mg daily extended release I was pregnant naturally. I had never even gotten pregnant on my own. So I am a big metformin pusher. It even lowers early loss rates if you keep taking it while preggo by 60% in pcos patients per research articles I have read.


#11

I’m very sorry for what you are going through and I completely understand how you are feeling. When we had our failed IVF cycle I was a giant disaster…for months. I blamed my husband, myself, the doctor, my uterus…pretty much anything I could blame. I was sad and angry and I was CERTAIN I would NEVER get pregnant, much less have my own biological child to hold.

I’m a labor & delivery nurse…so going to work made me angry. I would see first hand all these women who I didn’t think “deserved” to have a baby (drug users, etc) and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t me having a baby. I was healthy, my DH was healthy, I was a healthy weight, I didn’t drink caffeine, do drugs, or smoke…

But then I realized things do happen for a reason (which I never could have seen in that moment). We moved back to our home state near family and friends…and what was supposed to be my due date after the failed IVF instead was the exact day of my LMP when we conceived my DD. That to me was a sign…a complete bit of irony for myself. What was to be the final day of my pregnancy that never happened was actually the first day of the pregnancy that produced my amazing, beautiful, daughter that I cherish every day.

It WILL happen, one way or another for YOU as well. Just keep the faith and realize you DESERVE it!


#12

Quite often the reason is random chance. But we often don’t like to hear that. As humans, we want to believe it’s something we can control, even through prayer.

Your OHSS flags a problem with stimming at that clinic. However, if you have any frozen embryos remaining, I would stick with that clinic for more FET cycles. You did achieve pregnancy with your FET, but it was probably a non-viable embryo that stuck. No reliable way to tell an embryo is bad just by looking at it under a microscope. If you run out of frozen embryos and need to stim again to get more, then I would consider switching to another center. Look for one with good success rates on SART, and ask them how they handle OHSS risk. If it’s like what you had before, keep looking.

If you continue to have miscarriages, you might seek genetic testing. Or if you just want to make sure the next embryo has the proper number of chromosomes, you might want PGS.


#13

[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Hello All,[/FONT][/SIZE]
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[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]let me start off by stating I greatly appreciate all theresponses and overwhelming support . To hear each of your stories brings me somuch hope, it gives me more motivation, and a strong feeling of comfort throughall of my virtual pals and it makes me want to continue on with my fertilitystruggle with the hopes of one day having my baby.[/FONT][/SIZE]
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[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]@kalika You give me so much hope thank you so much forsharing your story. Sometimes I feel like I am being a bit impatient whichleads to toms of stress and anxiety and this is something I must work on. Youknow its quite ironic that you mentioned the thyroid issue you had. Both mymother and brother have thyroid issues and both have had theirs removed. I willmention that to my RE on the 14th When I speak with him. My brother is on thesame medication you are on and he has to take it for the remaining of his life.[/FONT][/SIZE]
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[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Congratulations onyour Birth!!!0 [/FONT][/SIZE]
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[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]@Demian I know that you and your wife both can understandthe pain and struggle that both my husband and my self endure. It is a verydifficult process…not only does it hurt me but my husband hurts as wellbecause he wants us to have a child and it also hurts him to see me hurt. Sometimes I fall into a deep depression not wanting to talk or sometimes even bearound kids.[/FONT][/SIZE]
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