IVF Cycle with DE II


#37861

I would also question a sperm issue, though it sounds like your husband wouldn’t be very interested in considering donor sperm. Your fertilization rates are not great (bad eggs), but you are also not getting good blasts (bad sperm…especially if the numbers decline between days 3-5). We did a DE cycle and fertilized half of the eggs with DH’s sperm and half with donor sperm. It was a blessing that we did, because DH’s embryos did terribly! Our DE/DS blasts did wonderfully and we are now parents of twins. One of our babies could be DH’s (transferred 2 DE/DS and 1 DE/DH blast), but we’ll never know! Best wishes! As parents of double donor babies (most-likely), I can tell you with confidence that you WILL be their parents and you will be 100% in love!

As for coming on board…it was simple. Once I was forced to use donor eggs, my husband understood that there was a chance that he was part of the problem too. I’m sure he hoped we would never need the donor sperm blasts, but when our fresh DE transfer failed and I ended up seeing a therapist for depression…he really understood the emotional toll the process had taken. And…the writing was on the wall! I basically refused to go through anything else without using donor sperm and if the yearning to have babies had persisted with his refusal…I would have likely ended my marriage. I realize that’s extreme, but just being honest.


#37862

My thoughts are with you that Baby A will keep on growing.


#37863

Thanks girls.

Your comments motivated me to buy the SCSA test yesterday afternoon. You are correct that my DH would likely not be open to DS (without a lot more time, prayer and self reflection) however, IF we could pinpoint sperm as part of the problem then perhaps we could come up with better solutions then just repeating the pattern of our failed cycles. It will be a week before it comes in end then another week before results. Are there and other sperm tests that we should do? Lucy - Why did you suspect something could be wrong with your DH’s sperm? Were his SA normal?

We did have low fertilization rates both cycles but also had a dramatic decline in embryos from day 3 to day 5. For example in this latest cycle we had 18 to biopsy for cgh testing on day 3 (so level 1 or 2 and between 6 and 9 cell). Of the 18, only 2 made it to blast. The other 16 arrested between day 3 or 5 or were deteriorating on day 5. Even blasts that had tested “normal” deteriorated. I questioned my RE about sperm but he pointed out the normal SA parameters and clearly continued to blame my eggs.


#37864

Waiting on feedback about the Donor’s follicle development, on her day 10 scan her follicles were still small, today is day 13 and I am hoping to get good news from the clinic…


#37865

Hi josie-skye,

I am using my sisters eggs. When discussing it with my husband he said that he would rather use my sisters eggs than someone we did not know because then at least it is still a part of me. Although it is inconvenient for my sister with all the doctor appointments, the weight gain, and so on she said that it will all be worth it in the end. If your sister is offering, make sure she has done the research and then talk about it, and if she is still offering then maybe take her up on it. My sister and I talked about it after she offered and she said that she would not have offered if she did not mean it. However, it also seems like your husband is not on board with using your sister. That I didn’t have an issue with. If anything I was the one that was questioning it, and he wanted it because, like I said, it would still be a part of me.


#37866

Thank you so much for commenting Tania. You hit it on the nail. I’m on board with it. And my sister should know what she is getting into because she has been there every step of the way with me and I haven’t spared her any complaining. My husband just…isn’t. We believe in God, were raised in the church, but we are not overly religious. He still pulls the spiritual card and says he doesn’t know if its “right”. I tried to get him to meet with the preacher with me but he wasn’t ready for that yet. Sigh. I’m sitting in the RE’s office waiting for my wtf appointment now. Really curious how this will go. Also the sperm fragmentation test is in the mail. If it comes back normal, then I am ready to make the switch to my sisters eggs. We have already spent $40,000+ on my eggs in 2013. I want a baby. I want a sibling for my 3 year old. I would love that baby the same as if it came from my egg.


#37867

I’ll be honest, if we had a baby already my husband would most likely be like your husband. Except he just would have said that we have spent too much money. We believe in God, but we are not overly religious in any way. We had to borrow money from my mom and my husbands mom for this. So it’s pretty much our one and only shot. If it works, we will probably not do it again, if it doesn’t work then we might be able to next year if we are able to freeze embryos. Otherwise we can not afford the whole cycle again. I would probably still be like you though. Even if I already had one, I would want another one. I never only wanted one child. Is it that your husband doesn’t want to use a donor egg at all, or just not your sisters donor egg?


#37868

I do think it makes a difference that we have a DD already. It actually helps me know that I would be ok with it though. My DD is the light of my life AND so much more like my DH and my sister than she is like me! My DH and my sister are the oldest child of larger families and they have a lot in common. My sisters daughter actually reminds my mom of me when I was little. It would be easy for me to accept a baby with my sisters egg as my own and never look back. I always felt sorry for my friends that were only children. I would never have wished that for my DD. She is in a stage right now where she loves babies and a lot of her friends have siblings now. It’s just really hard on me. I feel like she’s missing out on something special. I actually feel like it would be selfish of me to deprive her of a sibling if I could have one with my sisters egg! My DH just can’t put his mind around it. He says he married me, not my sister and that it would be weird. He has said that it wouldn’t be MY baby (which even at this stage I thought was a hurtful thing to say).


#37869

Good luck!


#37870

I wish I had something different to say, or that would make a difference for you now… but it is pretty much along the lines of others here.
My sister is older than me by 2 years. She offered but it would NOT be more helpful, or else, I would take upon her offer without questioning. My DH would as well.

My DH had a vasectomy done almost 2 decades ago… and we tried to revert it, in fact he went through the procedure… but it still didn’t work… meanwhile my eggs reserve started to lower and lower and I could not get a good result.
We moved on to DE but I was more on the cautious side than DH was/is. Because my particular ‘features’… I am not one that blends in the crowd, hair color among other “not from here” kind of features… my children look like me and my exDh. Also, I have 2 nieces who look like exactly their Moms, xerox!! So I had to overcome these fears of being different than my baby… had to do a great deal of DE search to get to the one we wanted and most matched me. First DE let me down, so we had a back up option that worked beautifully.

DH is being very supportive but also because HE KNOWS I could have had babies earlier if it wasn’t for his V (first marriage).

Regarding how God will or has been viewing this… it varies from couple to couple as our values/principles differ. You must try to reach a common ground with your DH. Maybe it helps if we share how some of us view this…

The way I see - and this may differ from anyone out there…

  1. If God doesn’t want me to be a Mom again, the heart desire would have died a long time ago when the finances and other challenges we faced, to keep up with this routine/treatment, started to become more than just a huge mountain to climb.
  2. Another thing is that my DH and I would have both a change of hearts. Looking at one direction and not just at each other or opposite ends. But at one goal. There has to be a great deal of harmony between the parents-to-be… IVF is a very stressful process, if you both are not into this together it makes a tough journey, turn into a tougher and rougher life.
  3. And my last thought on this, for now :slight_smile: – it just doesn’t take “an egg” and “an sperm”… to make it work. We ALL know this. These 2 elements form a cell that has a POTENTIAL to turn into a human life, but for it to happen, the egg must be fertilized, implanted… any signs of growth, or of a “life itself” will result only after THESE THINGS happen first - or else it is just like any other period, AF… down the toilet it goes…

I know God works in mysterious and amazing ways. I pray every day that whatever baby I bring home, God willing, that becomes a blessing to many lives this baby may touch :slight_smile:

WISHING YOU THE BEST!!


#37871

Wishing you the best… my DE only started to come up with a good number of eggs about 3-4 days prior to retrieval…


#37872

I have to agree with desiree. If God did not want you to have another baby then your heart would not be longing for it.
I would not want to have an only child either, that won’t be our choice if my chance this works and it’s a singleton. I have always wanted to have at least 5 children.
My other sister has two kids. One looks like her husband, and the other one looks just like me, which I think is funny. So if I wind up with an only child, at least it will have cousins to play with. I love my nieces as if they were my own, that is why I know that it does not matter if the baby is biologically mine. I will love it no matter what, and so will my husband. I asked him once if he would be ok if we had to use donor sperm, and he said yes. Now, since we do not have to I can’t tell you if he really would be ok with it or not.
On a side note I have a bit of a funny story that I hope puts a smile to your face. I just started my estrogen patches, and my sister got all of her meds the other day (she lives me with mom) my one niece wanted to go through the box of meds and my mom said “no, no, that’s your cousin in there” and it was so funny. We all just started laughing.
I do wish you the best, and hope that you and your husband can come to a decision. A decision that you are both happy with.


#37873

Well the time has FINALLY come for me! It has sure been a long summer! I started my estrogen patches yesterday, and believe that my sister will start meds on Friday the 4th. This is the farthest we have gotten without things getting cancelled for some reason or another. I am so excited and nervous at the same time. I saw the size of the needles for the progesterone and almost fainted right then. I’m so excited though!


#37874

Josie, our situation was more obvious in that my husband’s SA was horrible! His total counts were around 7 million at most and the normal morphology (strict) was less than 1%. Our embryos were always gorgeous at 3 days and stopped around 4 days, which is another sign.

As for religion… My husband and I are religious. He’s Catholic (though not very active) and I’m Protestant. Our RE and I share the same religious beliefs. I honestly feel that if God doesn’t want someone to become a parent, he won’t let it happen. I asked God to remove the desire of having children from my heart if he didn’t want me to be a mother, and my desires grew stronger. For me, there was a lot of control I had to give up…which was VERY hard. I wanted my eggs and husband’s sperm, a 39 week pregnancy, etc. In the end, we used 2 donors, had very sick babies in the NICU for prolonged amounts of time, never had the ideal delivery/going home/maternity photos, etc. As much as I grieved the loss of my eggs, I also grieved all of the issues we faced once pregnant and when the babies were born. In many ways, I felt cheated by God. Now though, I see my two smiling babies and realize that God had a big plan that was just right for us! And honestly, I probably treasure everything even more because of the hardships we faced. The one thing I’ve learned in this process was that somehow, some way, things always work to what’s best. God provides…if we are willing to go in the direction that he leads us.

I’ve also learned that time changes our hearts. If you had asked my husband and I in 2010 is we would considered undergoing IVF, we would have assertively said “No.” Donors would have been completely out of the question and were…until we failed our first IVF and the second cycle didn’t even progress to retrieval. Give yourself and your husband time to digest everything. The beauty of donor eggs is that the clock stops ticking!

Flygirl555 sent me some words of encouragement after our donor cycle failed and I was devastated. I saved her email and read it often. It has held so true for us and ultimately will for you too! Here goes:

  1. As hard and heartbreaking the failures were, I always tried to look at my setbacks as one step closer to success.

  2. After my fourth miscarriage, a friend of my parents who councils women who are “fertility challenged” told me that in all of her years of practice (over 20), she’s never seen a couple who really long to become parents never become parents. They all do…some day, somehow, some way. This gave me some comfort, and I hope it does to you too.

  3. Once you come out on the other side (and I know you and [DH] will), you will know that the children that were meant to be in your life were worth every hardship and tear.

Hugs!


#37875

Wow. I am overwhelmed and so appreciative of the nice comments you ladies shared today. I had my ivf follow-up appointment with my local RE this morning and have been feeling so discouraged. Thank you so much for lifting me back up.

Desiree – Thank you for sharing your views. There are so many times in this process that I question right from wrong. I completely agree with it taking an egg, sperm and God to make a baby. Thus far, I am missing the dash of life that only God can provide which is why I question his purpose for me in this process. That said, I also have only grown more determined and stronger in my belief that my family is not yet complete.

TaniaR – That is a funny story!  My DD has cousins too, unfortunately they all live 3+ hours away but we are still a close nit family that gets together whenever we can. We are also a social couple and have family friends with small children that we play and travel with BUT my heart aches for another child. When my DH and I married, I wanted 4 children and he wanted 2. We agreed to compromise with 3. I never questioned that I would be able to have 2.

Lucy – Did you do the SCSA test on your DH’s sperm? I’m only curious since with ICSI, I would have expected your DH to have enough to do the job. You mentioned that the ones that fertilized with his sperm stopped on around day 4. That is pretty much what ours did. We had a low fertilization rate with ICSI anyway but we still had 18 on day 3 that looked good…only 2 of those made it to day 5. Sometimes I wonder if my DH and I are just the perfect storm when combined. I’m going to do the SCSA test. I love that I could order it on my own since my RE’s don’t seem interested in finding out WHY. I love this: “the beauty of donor eggs is that the clock stops ticking”. Very true and very peaceful…with the exception of the fact that my sister is 32 BUT I’m not going to worry about that right now I guess! Thanks for sharing the uplifting words as well. I need to tape it to my fridge!


#37876

Josie,

My 2 cents I share with Lucy! After 2 OE and 1 DE cycles that failed and all followed suit, we knew we had a male issue. All of our embryo’s arrested by day 5. It took those 3 cycles for an RE to finally say " I think we have a male factor issue". Difference is that my DH looked great on SA. Plus he has children from prior relationships. So nothing was suspected. After learning that he was the issue as well, it was nothing for him to agree to use DS. He knows what having my own child means to me and would do anything for me. Sometimes I wonder now if we had known a few years back if we could have still used my eggs. Saddens me a little but I’m good to go. So this time we used both DE and DS and I’m 8 weeks today. It worked and we said how weird it is we don’t think of the baby being not ours, cause no matter what, it is ours! 100% ours. I hope when you get DH’s test done and if it does show issues, he takes time to think about it and make a good decision for both. And God is good, he does not punish or keep you from your dreams, he just makes achieving it worth the wait!


#37877

Hoping you get great news of wonderful follies!!


#37878

Yes those needles are a bit scary. I have 18g for drawing up the progesterone and my DH get nauseous every time he sees that one. Thank god I don’t have to inject with that one!!! I have drawn blood before with a 18g needle, felt sorry for the patient cause it was Dr. order due to the patient having crazy lipid issues and lab kept rejecting the blood.


#37879

Want to give a shout out to Shalli!! I am hoping and praying all is well with Baby A. I’m so sorry for B & C. Hang in there little one… please!!! Thinking of you Shalli, please keep us posted.

I may not post much but I’m in same boat with Desiree, I’m mostly tired these evenings and just have no stamina after work. I prefer to sleep. Please take no offense if I don’t reply. I am reading and following. Just little Bugger is taxing me these days, which I’m very grateful for!

Best wishes Ladies!!!


#37880

HI everyone!

Josie! It’s so nice to meet you! Like you, I am young, at 30, and have an amazing 2 year old DD, who now seems like a miracle to me too! And I know EXACTLY how you feel when you say you do not feel whole yet…I really want my DD to have a sibling, or two…I never wanted an only child…Unlike you, I have almost no eggs…we have tried IVF twice…but both times never made it to retrieval because the one or two follicles I had on max stims ovulated prior to retrieval. My RE also thinks the little bit of eggs in there are bad quality…hence the reason we are now moving on to DE. With regards to your husband, I think you really need to sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling…it could be male factor that is your problem considering all the eggs you had. My assumption is that your Dh wouldnt consider Donor sperm right? As for the sister thing…it’s a tough call. We too were going to use a close friend of mine who was very eager to help us…but then…she got doubts, and got scared, and we cancelled it. Now we are using anonymous donor through a frozen bank. It’s hard to say whether things will work out with a known donor or not. It just depends on the relationship. And if your husband thinks it “wouldnt” be yours, then I’m thinking that is not the right path…but only you know that.
Please keep us posted on your journey.
I have a question out there for the donor moms: Did you, did you not, or are you going to tell close family, and the child/children about the fact that they were from a donor egg? My husband DOES NOT want to tell anyone. He doesnt even think the child should know for fear of them feeling hurt and not feeling like a whole part of our family. We even chose a donor with ZERO personal or family health issues so there would be nothing that they need to know for their own health reasons. I feel very mixed. A part of me thinks I should tell our child when they are old enough to fully understand, such as when they are a young adult, and another part of me doesnt want to say anything…I hate stressing about this because the hardest part of this journey was the concept of donor eggs, and I am more than ok with that now…but yet, this is stressing me out. I would love to hear everyone’s stories/opinions about this. Thanks

Angela