IVF in November 2010 after a Loss


#1

We starting a new cycle after the loss of twin boys. Looking for support with similiar situation.


#2

Hi Willowtree
Wow, what a horrible loss. I am so sorry.
I just got my schedule today for a Thanksgiving ER. We just had our miscarriage at 9 weeks in September. I have been through the ringer with 3 miscarriages, this will be our last attempt with my eggs. I tend to hang out on the RPL thread, and thats where I plan to be this cycle. I was kind of shocked it was a November, I thought it would be January. But why not.

I am sure this will bring up a ton of emotions for you, that is natural. I am a little numb and neutral about it, as getting all “rainbows and kittens about it” is not in my nature.

The great news is you are young and your eggs are excellent quality!

Good Luck.


#3

Support

Hey Ladies

If anyone is interested in tracking our cycles together that would be great.

My boys Myles and Tyson give me strength everyday even though they were so tiny when they were born. I will not give up, for them!! I have a necklace with their initials around my neck hanging by my heart every day.

They would have been due any day now and I miss them terribly but I am trying to focus on the postive.
Our new cycle and the chance again for a family!!


#4

FET in Novemeber after loss

Hello Willowtree, I would love to have your support and support you for a November cycle. I am planning to do my 1st FET cycle in November after the pre-term birth of our son Sebastian in June.

I am worried about all the emotions that are going to arise, as we will probably end up doing the transfer around Sebastian’s expected due date (Nov 15). However, I just feel like I have to try again. Is this wrong of me?

How did you know you were ready?

I went and saw my RE today, and I will return on CD 1. I am actually excited to get going. After 3 years of cycle monitoring, it actually feels comfortable to be back in the REs office with supportive friendly faces. It feels nice to be back to the routine (I know that is weird for me to say).


#5

Glad your here

Hey lilrabbit
Wow we have almost the same story. I am so sorry about sebastian. I had a placental abruption on June 25th and then delivered my babies on the 27th. I’m just glad I lived. There was nothing they could do. I was reluctant to see and hold my babies. I was so in shock. The Nurse, bless her heart, asked me three times and after some relaxing I held my boys and I am so happy that I did. I miss them so much it hurts. They were due Nov 18th but Im sure they would have been early.

I also was relcutant to start the same month they were due but we so want a family and I feel they are watching over me. I am trying to use that as strength.

I got my meds in the mail today and I have been crying all evening because I have to start my shots while i’m traveling for work and all I think about is how I should be taking care of my babies and not traveling and not taking shots.

Well - I didn’t mean to blurt all that out but it feels good in a sort of weird way. I am looking forward to our little chat room. About the appointments I am looking forward to them too but I feel like it’s not a big deal. We did our first IVF almost a year ago to the day and I just remember how nervous I was and thought I was doing it wrong and now it’s like no big deal, well . . you know what I mean.

So many emotions. I really need to relax. I want this cycle to work so bad!!!


#6

I totally understand

I broke down last week because I am supposed to book a business trip for next January, I too thought, I should not be travelling in January I should be taking care of my baby. Plus I was hoping that i will be pregnant again by January, so I should not travel, but then realized hey, this cycle might not work, so I might not be pregnant. Then I worried that if this cycle does not work, how much of a wreck am I going to be. Man too many emotions.

Today has been very hard as well. I told my husband that we had to go out for dinner and not be home after dark, because I could not deal with answering the door to very cute children in costumes and realize I won’t be doing that with my Sebastian. Then I got the birth notice email for another friend I was to spend maternity leave with. I hate that every little thing bothers me now. It just seems so unfair to live with this while others glide through life so worry free!

I get the feeling this is going to be a blurt it out thread, but that makes be feel comforted.

I am still waiting for my :af: , but I am worried now that maybe I did not ovulate this month and I will have to go on the pill to bring on my period. That will extend my cycle and make me wait even longer for transfer day. I really hope my period comes naturally. I don’t think I have every prayed for my period to come, but I pray now.

How are you doing with the meds Willow? Did it bring back lots of emotions of doing this all again so soon?


#7

Here we go again!

So I went to the RE to start monitoring today for my FET. I was really excited to be starting again, waking up this morning with a real sense of hope and desire to move forward.

Then sitting on the examination table waiting for my ultrasound, I lost it. Maybe it was the ultrasound machine (my last ultrasound was the 18 week scan when we found out it was a boy). Maybe it was the office, maybe it was seeing all the same people again that I thought I would not have to see again for a long time. Whatever it was that triggered it, I as a mess. I cried throughout the ultrasound.

Now I have been in a bad mood all day, and I have been thinking lots about if I am really ready or not. Should I be doing this so soon? Am I putting too much pressure on myself for this one to work? What if it doesn’t work? If I can’t hold it together now, how am I going to hold it together during the 2WW?

Am I setting myself up for depression by continuing? I know that when Sebastian died I couldn’t get out of bed for 3 weeks, am I putting myself in that position again if I end up with a :bfn: ?

I am the only one who is feeling guilty and stressed about trying again so soon?


#8

Lilrabbit,

Don’t feel guilty or bad. Something in the clinic would bring old memory back. It is natural to feel this way because we have been hurt so deeply and we loved our babies so much. Today I am having a bad day too. Everytime I went to the clinic to get my hcg checked out, I felt really down that day.

You are brave to try again. You should be proud of yourself. Don’t feel guilty for trying so soon. That doesn’t mean you don’t love Sebastin. That doesn’t mean that you won’t mourn the loss of your baby. We will never be the same old self after this experience, but we will move on. Time will heal and having hopes will help you greatly.

You are in my prayers.

[quote=lilrabbit]So I went to the RE to start monitoring today for my FET. I was really excited to be starting again, waking up this morning with a real sense of hope and desire to move forward.

Then sitting on the examination table waiting for my ultrasound, I lost it. Maybe it was the ultrasound machine (my last ultrasound was the 18 week scan when we found out it was a boy). Maybe it was the office, maybe it was seeing all the same people again that I thought I would not have to see again for a long time. Whatever it was that triggered it, I as a mess. I cried throughout the ultrasound.

Now I have been in a bad mood all day, and I have been thinking lots about if I am really ready or not. Should I be doing this so soon? Am I putting too much pressure on myself for this one to work? What if it doesn’t work? If I can’t hold it together now, how am I going to hold it together during the 2WW?

Am I setting myself up for depression by continuing? I know that when Sebastian died I couldn’t get out of bed for 3 weeks, am I putting myself in that position again if I end up with a :bfn: ?

I am the only one who is feeling guilty and stressed about trying again so soon?[/quote]


#9

Back Home

Hey Lilrabbit

I am back home and so happy!! I am hoping that will be my last traveling for work. A whole week.

I started my meds while I was gone and it was so stressfull. Good or bad I had no time to worry about it because I was so busy. I had to excuse myself, go give my shot, then back to business. I checked my watch like every 30 minutes because I thought I would forget. I am supposed to do them between 4-7 pm. My first IVF there is no way I could have done that. I also took my last pill today so my AF should come soon. Which WILL BE my last one for like a year!!

My baby boys give me strength. I have my necklace on every minute with their initials and that gives me hope. They would have been with me sometime this week if I made it that far and that is all I think about when I lay in bed.

I am too still a little hesitant but I have so much love that I am ready to give and want my boys to see that. I know they are watching down on their mommy and daddy. Not a day, much less an hour goes by that I don’t think about them but I am trying to be positive.

I have my mock transfer and supression check this Wednesday so I am wishing all goes well.

Keep me posted!! We must remember to relax and take deep breaths. :flower:


#10

Tears

Well last night I was in tears about everything. They just kept flowing.

I got a letter in the mail from my insurance that as of January first my prescriptions will no longer be covered. They had a list of my meds and said they were related to assisted reproductive technology and will no longer be covered. (Thank you Obamacare)
I am thinking of asking my Dr. if I can order more drugs before the new year just in case. I feel that is making me a little negetaive like it won’t work but I would rather waste a few hundred dollars than have to pay a few thousand next time around. I’m hoping they will expire before I have to use them. Why is there always something . . .

Well my AF started this morning so I have a feeling this did not help the situation. It is football Sunday so that should take my mind off of “things” for awhile.


#11

Can I join?

Hi everybody!
Wondering if I can join your group! I tried to join the Nov. 2010 but feel I don’t really belong in that group. It’s somewhat different for some reason. I’m currently on my stims and like everybody here, feel excited, sad, happy and nervous.
It’s great to have the support from others!
Joyce:clap:


#12

Please join in!

I also read the other threads but some are too busy and others are at a different stage than me. Here is a little of my story that I posted on another thread and there is more below.

I lost my twin boys from our second IVF on 19weeks 2 days. It was Friday June 25th. I woke up not feeling very well which should have triggered something I guess. I went to work which is 45 minutes away and did office work because I mentioned I was not feeling well. I was home for about an hour that afternoon when I had what they called a “Plecental Abruption.” It was horrible. First fluids then blood, lots of blood. My husband called the ambulance. The first thing I said was I don’t want to die. Long story short. I ended giving birth to Myles and Tyson on Sunday. There was nothing they could do. Myles was stillborn and Tyson was still hanging on. The nurse finally convinced me to hold them because Tyson’s heart was still beating. It was 4am I was on morphine, didn’t know what was going on, my husband was very upset next to me but when they put my babies in my arms . . I can’t explain it. Now after months of crying and pain we are trynig again.

I was reluctant to start because they were due this week and that is when I started all my meds. So far so good. I go in for my mock and supression check on Wednesday. My boys give me strenth every day. We were able to bury them together because they were under 21 weeks. So they rest and play on clouds together and hopefully are watching over their mommy and daddy like we should have been doing for them. I want a family for them. . .


#13

Willowtree, lost my boys at 22 weeks on April 5th and it’s very hard. I still cry at least 1-2 times a week but does get better. I know the holidays will even be harder! Luckily we have each other for support during this trying time.
I’m starting IVF the same time this year as last year which is creeping me out.
Let’s hope we can give our angel babies siblings. I can’t imagine going through placental abruption! Very scary for you and your babies! I’m glad your fine. They can’t figure out why I had preterm labor. No infection, no incompetent cervix…nothing but my uterus couldn’t handle it.
How many embies do you plan on transferring? I transferred 2 but 1 took and then split (had identical twins). Not sure how many I should transfer.


#14

Sids

My perfectly healthy son died due to SIDS last year…:wings: We miss him terribly and praying GOD will bless us again soon:pray: Sergio was al natural first try and all now I’m doing iui and clomid this month…


#15

I’m so sorry about your lost of your baby boy Sergio… I can’t even imagine how you might feel right now. I know trying again can be difficult and brings many types of emotions. Remember, we are here for and with you!!:grouphug:


#16

Welcom Joyce & RIPmysonSergio, to the group no one wants to be a member of, but thank you for joining, because we all need a helping hand. I am terribly sorry for your losses. I have joined the Nov 2010 group also, but I find this group speak to my emotions more.

Joyce, my story is similar to yours, no one can tell me why I went into pre-term labour. But I met with a Specialty OB who will be taking care of me when I get my BFP. She was great, and it has eased alot of my concerns with this next pregnancy (if we can get there. :cross: )

[quote=Willowtree]My baby boys give me strength. I have my necklace on every minute with their initials and that gives me hope. They would have been with me sometime this week if I made it that far and that is all I think about when I lay in bed.

I am too still a little hesitant but I have so much love that I am ready to give and want my boys to see that. I know they are watching down on their mommy and daddy. Not a day, much less an hour goes by that I don’t think about them but I am trying to be positive.

We must remember to relax and take deep breaths. :flower:[/quote]

When I read your note Willow, I thought “Wow she is so strong, how can I be just as strong as her.”

Then I read your next note:

[quote=Willowtree] Well last night I was in tears about everything. They just kept flowing.
[/quote]

And I realized that we all have our ups and downs, and now it is my turn to be positive for you. I first thought, to tell you that “Think positive, you will not need your meds as of January, because this is all going to work out.” Then I thought if someone said that to me, I would think them crazy and not understanding of the stresses I am feeling every day. Then I switched to thinking “Speak to your doc, see what they say.” Then I thought wow, that is kinda negative.

So my advice is kinda inbetween, and it is my way of coping between being overly positive and overly negative.

Live in the day! Make the decisions based on the information you have on hand today. If your insurance tells you your meds won’t be covered and you know that you have not reached your goal as of today, nothing bad in hedging your bets with storing meds. This is not positive or negative, but based on how you feel today.

If you are angry today, be angry. If you are happy today be happy. We can’t predict the future, nor rely in the past to tell us what might happen, so do what you want to do now.

This life theory has come out of the many months of ups and downs. I have slowly realized that I am so up and down, that if I worry about how I am going to be tomorrow, or guilty about how I felt yesterday, then I am just going to extend my downs, and not savor my ups.

Hope that helps, even a little.


#17

Welcome

Welcome Joyce and Sergio!

[B]Sergio: [/B]I am so sorry about your baby. Keep us posted on your progress. We will always have a place in our hearts for our little babies. The hole started huge and painfull but we know it slowly gets better and a family will only help fill our hearts again.

AFM: I had a terrible day at work today. I am tired of all these emotions. I am just trying to look forward to my next appointment and hoping that my suppression check goes well. I am going to talk to my Dr. about my meds. The fact is, it is the smart thing to do. It is out of my control, so if that is what I must do, so be it.

I have been feeling alot of pinching in my ovaries and I have not started my Stims yet. I can’t remember if that happened before.

As for the other threads. They are so busy and I feel that they are not the same emotionally. I am very excited yet a little afraid only because my heart had been broken.

[B]Well time to be positive.[/B] We have painters coming this week and we had to pick out some colors. The next time I think about paint it WILL be for the baby’s room. Which is sadly empty and white right now, just waiting for a bundle of joy.

Well I hope that you all have and had a great day.:flower:


#18

So excited!!

Had my Mock transfer and suppression check this morning. [I]Everything went great!![/I] I have 10+ follicles on each side and he said my uterus got better with age. Not really sure what that meant but he said it was good. Met with the nurse, who is wonderful, for a review of the meds we start this weekend. The lab nurse was excited to see me and take my blood. Sounds weird but the clinic I go to, they are all so great and friendly and truly care about you.

Finally, we had to meet with the finance lady and that is always painfull. Whip out the plastic!! My husband is dealing with the payments this time. Less stress for me!! Whatever it takes!!

I am feeling so much better today! Oh and I also talked with my nurse about switching Dr’s when I’m BFP and she suggeted I do so for my own sake. She reeled my in though and said lets get you pregnant first.

This is the most postive I have felt in a long time. Can’t wait for Tuesday and my first BW.

I have the rest of the day and tomorrow off so I am glad to have some time to bum around the house and yard in a happy mood. Oh and deal with my painters tomorrow!!

I hope you are all having a good day!!
The sun is out, the sky is blue and birds are chirping. :clap:


#19

Thanks for the warm welcome!
Willowtree: How exciting! Starting again brings back mix emotions but mostly excitement! IT seems like you have many follicles! Are you going to transfer one or two?

lilrabbit: I hate not knowing what happened to lose the babies and hope it doesn’t happen again! I have a high risk OB who will also keep a close eye on our next pregnancy. She did say I can get out of work at 4 months, which is early but will do anything to keep my baby (ies)!

I had my ultrasound yesterday and we may be doing our retrieval on Monday! Prelim. date was Wed so somewhat scary it may be early! I had approx 15 follies. I hope I have a few eggs! My husband and I don’t know how many to transfer. My OB and high risk OB said to only transfer one but my RE said two. I think it just depends how many get fertilized.

Baby dust to all!!!


#20

We are transfering 2. My OB said that twins definitly increases the risk of miscarriage or pre-term labour, but since the cause was not a weak cervix, the increased risk was something she would deal with when we get there. Since with my fresh IVF we transfered 2, and I ended up with a singleton, I think it is better if I transfer 2 this time.

I looks like we will be transfering around the same time. Are you doing 3 day or 5 day blasts? My transfer is scheduled for November 17th, exactly around when my little Sebastian was supposed to be due. As Willowtree has shared, I know my little boy is looking down on his little brother or sister and making sure they have a safe and comfortable journey into mom and dads arms.