I’m going to be completely honest… Hopefully, some of you can relate and offer advice, as well as answer some questions.
You can see in my signature below the journey DH and I have been on. We tried to conceive on our own for 1 1/2 years before seeking treatment. The breaks in treatment are when we were trying on our own as well, at the recommendation of our GYN. Smh. What a waste of time. Anyway… We made a decision…
We are going to start the process of IVF with ICED DE via an anonymous donor. Our state, nor any of the states around us, have any type of fertility coverage. Our insurance covers labs, US, and office visits with copays and/or reduced rate. Nevertheless, this procedure is going to cost us around $20,000 out of pocket with procedures and meds. I feel incredibly blessed that we have the money, though our life savings, to proceed with IVF with DE. However, if this doesn’t work, we won’t be able to fork out that kind of money again any time soon. We have also decided to freeze remaining embryos. My first question… Let’s say this doesn’t work. Will FET be any less expensive?
For whatever reason, maybe just the fact that I have nearly let go of the dream of ever conceiving, I feel like this isn’t going to work. I pray daily for the strength to believe that this will work. There’s always that voice in the back of my mind that says “You’re just throwing your money away.” and/or “It’s just not meant for you to have children.” DH is super excited and convinced we will conceive with our first round. I wish I could share in his joy. Idk why, but I just don’t have the optimism that he does. I think one of the things that holds me back is… What will my mental state be if I do become optimistic and then IVF fails? We are required through our clinic to meet with a psychologist for clearance before starting our procedure. I will be making the appointment this week, as soon as I get my work schedule. Is this a normal question people ask themselves before they begin or is it just me? Should I bring this question up during our session or just let it go? Maybe the psychologist will ask that question… If this doesn’t work, how will you handle the loss? Is “Idk. I’ll be devastated and likely cry a lot. I’ll read lots of scripture to look for strength and reasons why. I probably won’t go out of the house for a week or more, so I don’t have to be around any children… And I’ll definitely have to avoid Facebook.” a proper response?
On another note, DH doesn’t want anyone to know how we conceive if IVF with DE is successful. He thinks it would be harder for me if ignorant people were to say something like “You can’t even tell he/she is not yours.” Honestly, through this journey, I’ve learned that most people don’t understand infertility treatments at all. To the layman, there’s no difference between IUI and IVF, much less what it means to have DE. But… When/how will we tell our child/children? Will we tell them at all? What about their pediatrician? I guess we’ll just have to see if we’re successful or not first before we go into those questions further.
What are some of the thoughts that went through your mind when you were at this point in your journey? I could really use some advice and encouragement right now. Success stories with 1st round IVF with ICED DE would be awesome, too. Just saying… Thanks in advance.