I just want to rant.
Today I am noticing that I am in a hell of a mood. I am grumpy and everything is just setting me off. My husband made me mad on the way to work. Work made me mad. Strangers, who didn’t interact with me at all, made me mad.
Then I realized that I think this is because I am almost at the end of my first week after IUI. That means that next week I get to take that stupid pregnancy test that is going to tell me I am not pregnant, and that everything I have done up until now is for nothing!
I am so tired of disappointment after disappointment. I am tired of wanting this so bad and just making no progress towards this! I mean, we aren’t making any progress. We can’t. I am either pregnant or I am not. If not, I have to try again. When I try again, the exact same thing happens. Then I am stuck with that dull pain inside and the feeling that everything I did was for nothing.
I know it will all be worth it when/if I get pregnant and have my little boy/girl.
You all know about this, I am sure.
I think what brought it up is that I am having side effects from the hormones I am taking. Mainly sore boobs, which is also a pregnancy symptom. I know I am not pregnant, but it brings up all the memories of times when I translated every slight tingle into a pregnancy symptom. If I smelled something and someone else didn’t, if I was particularly moody, if I was tired, if I had a headache……all of those things would make me hopeful.
I think that is all I have to say about it. Again, just wanted to vent.
I just want to rant.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way Mrs Garrett! I had to get in a little rant on a different thread myself after SIL made stupid remarks to me a bit ago. This whole situation is probably the most frustrating thing I have ever dealt with! you get your :bfp: very soon!! Hugs!!!
I feel for you.
I think venting is very helpful. I went through 3 IUI’s and 2 timed intercourse sessions with no success. I then did some research and found a clinic that was reasonably priced for IVF. My husband and I have tried that twice. We can fertilize eggs outside everytime, but as soon as we do implantation we fail. The first time my estrogen levels were to low and this last time I produced 31 eggs and experienced hyperstimulation. I would have gladly suffered the third spacing for 3 months if it ended with a child but it was not meant to be. I visited with my twin sister today and it made me so sad. She is happy with her 5 month old. I just wonder why not me. How do I get over this and regain a postive attitude?
It would make me crazy if I had a twin sister with a baby! Oh man! I am so sorry.
I have those thoughts, too. I wonder why people who try for 2 months end up pregnant and I can’t seem to get pregnant with medical help I can get. I also think about how people get pregnant by accident. People who can’t afford children or don’t want them get pregnant. My husband and I have a good home, I think we are good people, we can provide, and we have been through so much and want it so bad, but we can’t manage to just get pregnant.
In moments of despair I think, “But I am a good person! Why can’t I get pregnant?!”
Unfortunatly, that has nothing to do with it.
It just is what it is. My FSH levels don’t care that I have got my husband through dialysis and a kidney transplant. My eggs don’t care that I have helped to get my family through the loss of my father. My reproductive system doesn’t care that I am well educated and financially stable. They don’t care if I am a good person who deserves a family or not. And every month is a new egg that doesn’t even know about all that has gone before. So they don’t care how long I have tried.
But we just keep trying, right? We just grieve what didn’t happen and hope for what might.
And there is always adoption.
I know that isn’t very uplifting, but I am not feeling uplifted today.
Hang in there! I will.