Long ttc, I'm tired(


#1

Hello girls! I never thought I will ask for help in such question as surrogacy. I never thought I’ll face infertility because there was never such problem in my family. All women in our family have many children. My grandmother gave birth to 5 kids. My mom gave birth to 3 kids. Both of my sisters have children.

My husband and I were ttc for 3 years and nothing. I thought that he had some problems with health. I didn’t even think that this is me who have problems with fertility! We tried literally everything. In last 6 years we had 5 cycles of ivf and 3 cycles of de ivf. Nothing gave result. All cycles failed. I’m so tired of all this.

I feel like I’m black sheep of my family. My parents and sisters tell me we are doing something wrong that’s why we don’t have kids. What the hell can be done wrong in this process?! My older sister keeps telling me I should try with another man. She thinks my husband and I are incompatible and that’s why we can’t conceive. But I love my husband! I want to create family with him and nobody else! Her words really hurt me.

Also my family keeps telling me that surrogacy is such a folly. They say it’s dangerous because surrogate mothers are poor women. They all have bad genetic and it influence babies they carry. Also they say that surrogate mothers can leave babies. That they do it only to get as much money as they can and in result we will remain penniless and childless.

I don’t think they’re fully right, because their reasons to declaim surrogacy are so stupid. The only fact that disturbs me is that surrogate mother can leave baby. What if she really did that? What then? It bothers me and because of this I can’t decide if this is a good idea. Girls, please help!


#2

Thank you for support. I love my family, but I also don’t understand them. I thought they will support me in such situation. But they just don’t understand. You are absolutely right! It’s only business of surrogate mothers why they decided to carry babies for other women. I tried to explain this to my family. I tried to explain them that doctors check these women, their health and ability to carry a baby. They don’t want to listen(

I thank you so much for information about legislation of different countries. I’ll look more into this. That is really horrible that strange woman have all rights to live a baby which is not genetically related with her. I understand that she carried that baby and pregnancy influence her somehow. But when those women becoming surrogacy they should understand that child they carry is not belong to them and they will have to give baby to intended parents.

Did you have experience in surrogacy? You know a lot about this procedure. I will be very grateful if you share your experience!


#3

I appreciate your support. You have the point here. I should stop take to heart what my family says. It’s their opinion and I can do nothing about that. I should take my own decisions. I should think what’s better for me and my own family. I have serious intention to go through surrogacy with my beloved hubby. I need nobody, but him.

May I ask which clinic did you used? It seems really popular if it had so long lines. I think waiting is not a big problem. Looking at the ‘result’ of your procedure I think that’s not a big deal to wait for a couple of hours.

Thank you so much for tips and advices. I’ll use them in my search. Could you tell more about this Ukrainian clinic? What services do they offer? Did you have problems with documents for your baby girl? I’ve read some info on the other forum. There was a comment that even if we have surrogacy abroad, our baby won’t be able to get back home with us without some special documents. That lady said that many couples who had surrogacy abroad faced such problem and it caused a lot of troubles. Some of them even had to go to court. That’s really scary information…


#4

I’m happy I could help! You have the right thoughts. I’m sure together with your dh you’ll make it!

We had surrogacy in Ukrainian clinic biotexcom. It’s well-known clinic nowadays. It’s becoming popular with each year. This clinic has high rates of successful treatments. That’s why people go there from all over the world. I should say that neither our program coordinator, nor our doctor made us to wait for too long. When we contacted the clinic for the first time, response was fast, answers to our questions were clear and we got all info we needed. In 2,5 months after our first visit our program coordinator contacted us and told us that they found surrogate mother for us.

The service was on a good level. Even some small details were considered. Despite we were in foreign and unknown country, we felt comfortable and didn’t worry that we’ll be lost or couldn’t find what we need. We were met by taxi driver. Then taxi was carrying us across the city. We didn’t have to find the clinic by ourselves! We also had a translator so there were no misunderstandings at all. That girl translated everything for us and also answered all our questions. We stayed at nice apartment with all needed facilities. Btw, there are photos of housing, which the clinic proposes on its website. We had no problems with food supply or communication.

Speaking about documents you have nothing to worry about. The clinic helped us with them too. I also had no idea where to go and how to organize everything right. They provided us with assistance in the Ukrainian civil registry office. We’ve got the child’s birth certificate there. And of course they helped us in getting a travel passes for our daughter. Idk maybe those couples had troubles only because their agencies/clinics didn’t manage all documents in a right way. We had no problems with taking our baby girl home.


#5

I have to say I’m surprised! I’ve never thought that any clinic in the world could find surrogate mother in just 2-3 months. I was fully sure we’ll have to wait at least a year or even more. How it’s even possible to find woman for surrogacy program for such short period of time? Especially considering the fact that there is more than one couple who crave for surrogate mother. Is there a possibility that this clinic doesn’t make medical tests so they accept all women who submit an application? I’m sorry for all these doubting questions… Maybe it’s just popular among Ukrainian women to be surrogate mothers.

How did you find that taxi driver and translator? Is there some kind of websites? I’ll be grateful for any info or contact details of those people. I really have no idea how and where can I find “helpers” for easier stay in Ukraine. I thought to use some translating apps on phone. But I think they won’t help much… How much did you pay for services of taxi and translator? How much your apartment costed? Don’t you think it would be cheaper to stay in hotel e.g. I think the clinic may inflate price a bit.

I’m relieved to hear that the clinic helps with organizing all paper work. How much did you pay for this help? You probably think I’m crazy about prices and think only about costs. I’m asking not because I want to find the cheapest variants. I’m not trying to save as much money as possible. The only thing I want to do is to count all prices so we’ll know how much money we’ll need. I hope for your understanding)


#6

I understand your astonishment. We were also in great shock when our coordinator informed us that they’ve found sm for us. I really have no idea why there are so many women in Ukraine who are ready to be sm. I think that’s not my business. I believe that there are a lot of girls who want to give happiness to such couples as ours. I’m sure this clinic checks all women before allowing them to participate in such program. Otherwise this clinic doesn’t have such high success rates) Actually all requirements to potential surrogate mothers we found on the official page. The clinic makes psychological diagnostic and also medical examination to confirm that woman is physically available for fertilization, pregnancy and delivery of a healthy child.

Actually the clinic provided us with taxi, translator and apartment. We didn’t pay for these services. They’ve been already included into packages. Food supply and help with documents have been included there as well. The only amount we paid was €49 900. Those services are included in all packages which the clinic has. So whatever variant you choose, you’ll have those services.


#7

I appreciate your support! Thank you for help and kind words. I hope we’ll make it. I’m afraid to think about future. I don’t want to flush out our luck. But I can do nothing with my mind! Thoughts about baby and parenting don’t left me even for a second. I imagine my baby, how I hold them and feed them… It scares me to death when thoughts about failure come to my mind! I understand we are not insured from some inconveniences and falls. But I really want to believe the process will go calm and smooth. I want our journey to fly by fast and resulted in creation of happy family we dream about.

Thank you so much for details and explanations. What you’ve told about health of surrogate mothers make sense. You’ve calmed me down. I’m relieved to know the clinic checks women. You’re right! That’s not our business why surrogates are surrogates. I don’t think that it’s bad even if they do what they do for money. The most important is appropriate medical examination of them. Price seems pretty reasonable. I’m glad to know the clinic allows all that services. I was so nervous we will get lost in foreign country and we might have problems. I’m sorry for bothering you. I appreciate you spent your time to explain me everything. You’ve helped a lot! We’ve already contacted biotexcom and a couple more Ukrainian clinics. I hope we made the right choice. I will keep updating you with news. We’ll go to Ukraine on 7th of December. Seven is my lucky number. Maybe it’s a sign haha I’m soooo nervous. I hope I won’t spoil our luck by telling such details. I know what you think! I’m too superstitious. My husband tells me this all the time! Sorry I can do nothing with myself. I’m always scared to tell/do something wrong and cause a failure. I should stop be so negative!!! Especially in our situation. I will do my best to stay positive! Thanks again girls! Wish us good luck! I will post as soon as there will be some news!


#8

No problem hun) You didn’t bother me at all! I’m really happy I could help. I know what you are talking about! Sometimes I’m also superstitious too much. But honey, don’t think about failures! You should open up your mind and your heart for good vibes and thoughts. More you think about positive result, less you nervous and torture yourself with bad thoughts.

Yep, price is not that high like in the other countries. The clinic planned our stay in Ukraine from the very beginning and till the end. That was really comfortable. We could concentrate on our surrogacy. We were not bothered with other staff and nothing was distracting us. So we were satisfied with that. I wish you good luck, hun! I’ll be waiting for your updates)


#9

Hello, Franny. I’m sorry for this…but you mustn’t be mad at your family. It’s natural when people judge someone when they don’t understand something. I’m sure they want you to be happy and wish you the best, but they do it in their own way. I think that the best way to act in such situation is to agree with them, I mean to pretend you do agree, and then just act the way you need. It’s great you’ve already scheduled the first consultation, so you got the ball rolling. but, you’ve written Dec 7, maybe you meant March?
Anyway, wish you all the best! Stay positive, hun! Keep posting x


#10

I’m so sorry for you, dear. 8 failed ivf cycles is really a lot and I know how it hurts. just wasted time and money, and all your hopes crashed. but this is good that you are not giving up and still pace straight to your dream.
Surrogacy will always be a controversial question, so please don’t get abused if someone tells you bad things. Not every person understands what a woman may feel after years of infertility and fruitless treatment. I didn’t care what others thought and I still don’t care. My family is all that matters. Family, health and relationships.

In you need advice or support, I’m here for you. We are currently awaiting our twin baby boys to come via surrogacy so I can be a good counselor. Be free to contact me just in case

xxx


#11

I feel for you; I know it hurts. Every woman in this world wants to be special and loved. No one wants to feel the misery of her or his life. The infertility is the hardest challenge in this world and I know it’s difficult to overcome it without losses.

We have faced it many years ago, probably it was just my mistake. I was so young and stupid; I didn’t listen to other people around me. I was living in my own world. Any way, it’s not about my life it’s about the way I chose. The man who I loved wasn’t so perfect. he cared only about himself. He didn’t love and respect me. He forced me to do an abortion. During the operation I felt prick and passed out from it. When I woke up the doctor was sitting near me. His bad face suggested bad news. He told me that while he was doing the operation he eventually perforated the wall of the uterus with the sharp curette. As the escape of blood was huge as well as the walls of uterus, the best and the right solution was to remove the uterus. He explained this by saying that he was working blindly and it happen by accident. many years of devastation have been passed and now I stand to gain a new life, I met a man, who loves me with all his heart, who is always with me and who cares about me and our future family. Now, I gain my happiness, my best half who made a vow, who would never leave me. That’s why I want to gift him a baby, I know it’s impossible for me and the surrogacy is our last chance. So, I clearly understand you and your feelings.


#12

ladybird345, good luck with anything you’re up to right now. your words are very touching and I think that you deserve being happy more than anybody else.
I am sending you fertility vibes hun!


#13

[QUOTE=“Gwineth, post: 1870436, member: 87471”]ladybird345, good luck with anything you’re up to right now. your words are very touching and I think that you deserve being happy more than anybody else.
I am sending you fertility vibes hun![/QUOTE]
Thank you very much dear! We have already opted for a surrogacy in Ukraine. To my mind it was the best decision for us at that moment. I don’t know if I find strength to come with my emotions but my husband is positive about ukraine and its services for a surrogacy.
I know not every woman could accept the fact a stranger woman will carry a baby for her, including me. I know lots of surrogates want to help infertile couples and I suppose it too be poor goal but still I have doubts


#14

@ladybird345

It is a very serious decision, after all, you cannot expect yourself to be for one hundred percent fine with it and to not feel anything at all, we are women and unlike our husbands and our men we are always experiencing some emotional tantrums and may even be very indecisive when it comes to such huge decisions as of surrogacy.

and no wonder some people choose the path of doubts and somehow of neglecting of other people’s choices.

hm… I think that we should not forget that some surrogate mothers are here for the money. but isn’t it normal? to pay those women for what they do and if this girl still participates in the program and helps another couple, it’s fine by me.


#15

[QUOTE=“Gwineth, post: 1870474, member: 87471”]@ladybird345

It is a very serious decision, after all, you cannot expect yourself to be for one hundred percent fine with it and to not feel anything at all, we are women and unlike our husbands and our men we are always experiencing some emotional tantrums and may even be very indecisive when it comes to such huge decisions as of surrogacy.

and no wonder some people choose the path of doubts and somehow of neglecting of other people’s choices.

hm… I think that we should not forget that some surrogate mothers are here for the money. but isn’t it normal? to pay those women for what they do and if this girl still participates in the program and helps another couple, it’s fine by me.[/QUOTE]
My hubby also feels emotionally stunted, he worries about me and this important step in our life. I know, it’s hard but we were dreaming about big family and peaceful atmosphere in our house. I don’t want him to lose it, I won’t let myself to act in such selfish way, that’s why we decided to opt for a surrogacy.
it’s a coin with 2 sides. From one side, a surrogacy is immoral issue, where women are ‘reproductive boxes’ for carrying babies. there is no such thing as a free lunch, every work should be rewarded, so money for surrogate is a common thing. In this case, you’ll be sure that she will never take this baby, because she has signed a contract with you which says she has no right for a baby.
But from other side, in case of a surrogacy with no payments you won’t be sure this baby will stay with you. One day she will come and take his/her away.
I don’t know how to explain everything. We just decided to be a part of the surrogacy process and that’s it. To my mind, every person should decide what is better.
What do you think about it?


#16

Hello, girls! How are you all? What news do you have?
I was a little depressed in these latter days. I don’t even know why…Maybe that’s because of waiting…Our surrogate mother is on 31 week from today. Soon she will have her next ultrasound scan.
I don’t know why but I feel so lost. Have you ever feel like you are waiting for something for so long and you want it so much and when the time is nearly over and soon you will finally get it, you starting to feel fear. I’m afraid…I don’t know whant to do, soon I’ll become a mother and when I think about it…my emotions are overhelmed me…how to get rid of this fear?


#17

[QUOTE=“ladybird345, post: 1870483, member: 87389”]My hubby also feels emotionally stunted, he worries about me and this important step in our life. I know, it’s hard but we were dreaming about big family and peaceful atmosphere in our house. I don’t want him to lose it, I won’t let myself to act in such selfish way, that’s why we decided to opt for a surrogacy.
it’s a coin with 2 sides. From one side, a surrogacy is immoral issue, where women are ‘reproductive boxes’ for carrying babies. there is no such thing as a free lunch, every work should be rewarded, so money for surrogate is a common thing. In this case, you’ll be sure that she will never take this baby, because she has signed a contract with you which says she has no right for a baby.
But from other side, in case of a surrogacy with no payments you won’t be sure this baby will stay with you. One day she will come and take his/her away.
I don’t know how to explain everything. We just decided to be a part of the surrogacy process and that’s it. To my mind, every person should decide what is better.
What do you think about it?[/QUOTE]
This is so sad actually

I think that life is not all about black and white it has a lot more sides than you would think. It is all colors of the spectrum and we cannot allow ourselves judge it by this. We cannot just say that this is immoral and this is fine. Surrogacy is a very complicated thing and no one should be labeling it as if it is something unambiguous.

Plus I myself think that surrogate mothers are human beings that just decided to rent their body to help others. The same goes for donors. They are saints. But this is not everything about surrogacy there’s also the other side that concerns IPs and kids born via surrogates.


#18

[QUOTE=“Am_elia, post: 1870521, member: 87506”]Hello, girls! How are you all? What news do you have?
I was a little depressed in these latter days. I don’t even know why…Maybe that’s because of waiting…Our surrogate mother is on 31 week from today. Soon she will have her next ultrasound scan.
I don’t know why but I feel so lost. Have you ever feel like you are waiting for something for so long and you want it so much and when the time is nearly over and soon you will finally get it, you starting to feel fear. I’m afraid…I don’t know whant to do, soon I’ll become a mother and when I think about it…my emotions are overhelmed me…how to get rid of this fear?[/QUOTE]
you are soon to see her again right? it’s 31 week that means that your precious baby is almost here with us. :slight_smile:
I am due to the end of the summer so there’s some time to wait still but I guess I am almost there too.
Have you been to your clinic? when is your SM going to the maternity hospital?


#19

[QUOTE=“Gwineth, post: 1870524, member: 87471”]This is so sad actually

I think that life is not all about black and white it has a lot more sides than you would think. It is all colors of the spectrum and we cannot allow ourselves judge it by this. We cannot just say that this is immoral and this is fine. Surrogacy is a very complicated thing and no one should be labeling it as if it is something unambiguous.

Plus I myself think that surrogate mothers are human beings that just decided to rent their body to help others. The same goes for donors. They are saints. But this is not everything about surrogacy there’s also the other side that concerns IPs and kids born via surrogates.[/QUOTE]
Before I didn’t think that reproductive medicine will be my last chance to gain a piece of happiness but not I can say it was my fortune.
I couldn’t imagine I would be so happy knowing that other woman will carry a baby for me. And I suppose this is amazing, thanks my clinic we got a chance to move on, to leave all bad behind.
the surrogates are great women, they relly help other. And I’m so happy we are on our way of achieving our goal. I wish all infertile couples will be happy soon!!!


#20

I understand you very well! Like these are my thoughts exactly. I have been thinking about surrogacy and egg donation as of the last frontiers of the humanity as if not for them there wouldn’t be a lot of human beings I tell you. Look at those statistics at all those people that decide to go for surrogacy or egg donation and have kids. those women who basically gift those precious little peas they are indeed saints as I have previously said.