Miscarriage after ivf at 9 weeks angry and discouraged


#1

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year (we are both 38). We had 4 medicated IUI cycles with no luck and finally moved on to ivf. After a month of shots they were only able to retrieve 6 eggs, 4 fertilized and 3 survived. We used two this last/first cycle and froze 1.

We were so excited to find out after the 5 day transfer, 2ww, and continued hormones into my body that we were pregnant. We went for all our ultra sounds and had a great little heart beat at all of them last one at 8 weeks 155. My ivf specialist actually gave me my walking papers and said, I’ll see you for baby 2. At 9 weeks we went to my gynecology appt and they told us the heart beat was gone.

I was/am so devastated. We went back to the fertility specialist and he confirmed that it was no longer a viable pregnancy. I had a d&c on Friday (4/26) and cried through the whole day. I couldn’t wait to be knocked out just so I could stop feeling. The doctors said they we’re able to get a good sample of the poc to test and that it was probably a chromosomal issue. Physically, I’m feeling ok but mentally I can’t even get out of bed.

I’m so mad and scared that I’ll never get to be a mom- I just don’t understand and I don’t really know what to do next. I know everyone says heal but serious how? I feel like time is running out as is our money and my ability to stay positive. I’m also worried about the 1 little frozen bean we have - how do we know that it’s ok?

I’d appreciate any thoughts you all have and it does help to read about all of you. It helps to know I’m not alone.


#2

I just wanted to stop by and say I am so sorry you are going through this. There is quite a bit of support on these forums and we are here to hear you.

Hopefully, you will have some answers and can go forward.

/hugs rach


#3

[quote=Waiting124]My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year (we are both 38). We had 4 medicated IUI cycles with no luck and finally moved on to ivf. After a month of shots they were only able to retrieve 6 eggs, 4 fertilized and 3 survived. We used two this last/first cycle and froze 1.

We were so excited to find out after the 5 day transfer, 2ww, and continued hormones into my body that we were pregnant. We went for all our ultra sounds and had a great little heart beat at all of them last one at 8 weeks 155. My ivf specialist actually gave me my walking papers and said, I’ll see you for baby 2. At 9 weeks we went to my gynecology appt and they told us the heart beat was gone.

I was/am so devastated. We went back to the fertility specialist and he confirmed that it was no longer a viable pregnancy. I had a d&c on Friday (4/26) and cried through the whole day. I couldn’t wait to be knocked out just so I could stop feeling. The doctors said they we’re able to get a good sample of the poc to test and that it was probably a chromosomal issue. Physically, I’m feeling ok but mentally I can’t even get out of bed.

I’m so mad and scared that I’ll never get to be a mom- I just don’t understand and I don’t really know what to do next. I know everyone says heal but serious how? I feel like time is running out as is our money and my ability to stay positive. I’m also worried about the 1 little frozen bean we have - how do we know that it’s ok?

I’d appreciate any thoughts you all have and it does help to read about all of you. It helps to know I’m not alone.[/quote]

I’m very sorry.:grouphug:


#4

When I read your post my heart went out to you. I understand and know exactly what you are going through because I am in your shoes. I just did my transfer on April 5 and the 2ww felt like forever. When I did test, it was positive . I was so EXCITED!
My HCG levels were high and continued to go up and double accordingly.
On May 3 I was due to go to my RE for my 6 week check up to hear the heart beat. I dreamed of that day and counted down each until May 3, but my count down was interrupted.
On April 25th was the worst day of my life…I went to school and after my final I felt a gush of blood.
I was so scared and called my husband to inform him of the bad news and we were both on our way to the hospital. As I waited in the ER which seemed like forever I searched on my phone different blogs of stories where women had bleed and went on to have healthy babies.
I prayed to God that I could also be one of those women.
As the nurse came in to take me down to get and ultra sound I prayed that I would see and here some positive information.

As the lady probed around my belly and did not see anything she said that she would try the vaginal. so she said I see two sacs but because you are early it could be too early to see anything.

I hoped so. The answer that he emergency ER doctor gave me that I was either too early or miscarrying.

So when I spoke to my RE (which this was on Thursday)
they made me an appointment for that upcoming Monday. I could not wait that long so I requested an HCG test which was the day after the ER visit so I could see if the numbers were going up or down. They were 4,900 at the ER and they next day they went down drastically to 3300. So I knew then.

I was hurt and I knew I miscarried .

I was ready to give up just like you. I did not understand I was healthy , I did everything correct and transferred two blast that were bragged on how well they were.

If we give up we will never get what we want so don’t give up just try again. The last one will be the best one. Just know you are not alone but I strongly encourage you to continue and not give up.

I wish you all the luck and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


#5

I am so sorry! I have not gone through this, yet, but it is something I am terrified of. To go through all of this, get pregnant, and then lose your baby. I am so, so sorry!

My husband and I are both 38 and we have been trying for over a year now. We were supposed to go through a cycle of IVF this month, butI didn’t produce enough follicles for it, so we did another IUI. I am terrified that, if I finally do get pregnant, I will have the same thing that has happene to you, happen to me. It has got to be the biggest kick in the teeth that we can get!

For me, I try to remember that if this doesn’t work, there other options. We want a family. If that means we have to adopt, then that is what we will do. I am doing everything I can to have one of our own, but that might not be in the cards.

It always helps me to have a plan. To know what to do next. Maybe that could help you? Maybe you just need to grieve, and then figure out what your next steps are and focus on that.

Again, I have not gone through what you are going through, so please forgive me if this doesn’t help at all.

My heart and thoughts are with you!

:grouphug:


#6

I am new to this forum and your’s was the first post I have read. It immediately struck a chord with me.
I am about to embark on my 2nd IVF in June, Our 1st IVF resulted in a pregnancy that we also lost at 9 weeks.
I have 3 children from a previous marriage, and my husband has none. IVF is the most practical solution for us since I had my tubes tied after the birth of my last daughter 12 years ago.
We went in knowing the odds. We paid for a fresh cycle, and a frozen cycle. They retrieved only 3 eggs, 2 of which fertilzed. They transferred both in, and we had nothing left to freeze. I was so thankful to get pregnant, and see such a strong heartbeat. I never dreamed we would lose our precious baby.
It made me question everything. We weren’t sure we would try again. We had basically paid for 2 cycles because we couldn’t get a refund for the prepayed frozen cycle. We really felt like we couldn’t afford to try again. That coupled with the fear of facing another painful loss made us feel like we were done. I have a good deal of medication left from the 1st IVF and we had to make a decsion. Donate it or try again?
We spoke to friends, family and our RE. WE decided to try one more time. I feel like that even if we don’t succeed, at least I will know we did everything we could.
June begins our 2nd IVF. I know that even if we get pregnant I won’t forget our first Angel. I am just focusing on the present, and hoping for the best.
My thoughts are with you. I have never experienced grief like that before. My family was so concerned about me. I cried, I wailed, I screamed, and I survived. Your pain will get easier to bear. You will get through this. As for those fears you have about the frozen embryo, try to think positive thoughts. The fear is understandable, and I don’t know how I will handle it myself until June comes.
Best of luck to you!


#7

Appreciating your thoughts

Thanks to everyone who has posted I really do appreciate your thoughts. I’m sending you all :bsv: for your next steps.

I’m going to head back to work tomorrow and dreading it. Right now :pray: for strength. I guess the only job worse than being a teacher after a loss like this would be to be a pediatric nurse.


#8

Hello,
i am really sorry about your story. I am writing to you to send you some hope. At 38, i was pregnant, naturally after only 4 months of TTC. At 6 weeks, I started to bleed and eventually miscarried. The 7 following months were extremely difficult and got worst around what should have been my due date. I was living with this " and what if" in my head. After that day, I could breathe again and that is when we decided to go to see an ER. At 40 , I had my first IVF, it worked and at 41, I gave birth to my daughter. So, go through the emotions you have to go through, but, do not give up. It might take time, but you still have some time.
I hope I gave you a little bit fo confort.
A lot of prayers for you.


#9

Hi Waiting 124,

Its been nearly two weeks since you posted this and went through your awful experience and I am wondering how you are feeling now? Does this ever get any easier. I recently had a very similar experience and I need/want to speak with someone who has gone through the same thing. My family and friends are supportive, but they have no clue how I really feel.
I was going in for a routine u/s and checkup and was set to be released from my RE. I was 10w6d and feeling great. I never had any awful pregnancy symptoms the whole time, so how would I have known the baby wasnt doing well. At the scan, my doctor told me there was no heartbeat and my baby stopped growing about two weeks prior…thisw happened on 5/6. My d&c was scheduled for 5/10, but on 5/9 I started heavy bleeding and cramping, so they actually performed the procedure that day.
This has been the most horrific experience Ive ever dealt with. I was nearly complete with my first trimester and had started telling all of my family and friends. I am so devastated and just want to self medicate myself so I can sleep. When im asleep I feel no pain. When im awake I cannot stop crying. Im due to go back to work in a few days and I just dont know how. Will I ever smile again?


#10

Waiting124 and BlessedGal,

I’m so sorry for your losses. I just went through a miscarriage at almost 10 weeks. I feel empty and numb. I also am 38 (my DH is 35) and we did donor egg because in our 2 previous IVF cycles they were only able to retrieve a few eggs and they didn’t develop into very pretty embryos.

So we thought with a donor’s young, proven eggs, we would get pregnant. And we were right! But then the fetus never developed. All we ever saw on the u/s was an empty sac. By the last ultrasound, I had pretty much accepted that this would end in a miscarriage.

But I never expected the pain and bleeding that I experienced yesterday. Now it’s over and I feel better, physically. And I have to say that I feel pretty even-keel emotionally. But maybe I’m just numb. I do know that I can be fine one minute and sobbing the next.

I don’t know if I can go through another cycle with the knowledge that it could end up the same way. We have one frozen embryo (I can’t believe we only have 1 frozen when we started with 10 fertilized eggs!) but the thought of going through another miscarriage gives me pause.

We also are reaching the end of our financial, emotional and physical ropes. I hope that in the past 2 months you’ve recovered your strength and have figured out how to move forward. I would love to hear how you’re doing.

Keep hope.


#11

Hi SparkofHope,

Im very sorry you had to experience the agonizing pain of a miscarriage. It a horrific thing to go through. Please know, however, that time does heal the pain. Today, Im feeling much better. It still kills me to see pregnant women and think about how that should have been me, but Im peparing for an FET in July and the hope is occupying my thoughts. Similar to you, I had 19 fertilized embryos. I transferred just one in March and only have one that made it to freezing. I was crushed. Our tests came back after hey tested our unborn after the miscarriage and it came back as a chromosomal abnormality. That relieved some anxiety as I racked my brain thinking the miscarriage may have been caused by something that I did. I was under a lot of stress at work during those months, so I initially blamed everyone in my office for causing all my stress. I just was so angry I wanted someone to be responsible for my loss. My RE asked me if I wanted to know the sex of he baby last week, and I said absolutely NO! I just don’t see what benefit that would give me and it would be heartbreaking to hear.
All in all, I know you are completely devastated right now, but please do not believe that the same thing will happen when you decide to transfer your frostie. What happened this cycle could have been just one of those misfortunate things, but please continue to be optimistic for the future. God bless…:grouphug:

[quote=SparkOfHope]Waiting124 and BlessedGal,

I’m so sorry for your losses. I just went through a miscarriage at almost 10 weeks. I feel empty and numb. I also am 38 (my DH is 35) and we did donor egg because in our 2 previous IVF cycles they were only able to retrieve a few eggs and they didn’t develop into very pretty embryos.

So we thought with a donor’s young, proven eggs, we would get pregnant. And we were right! But then the fetus never developed. All we ever saw on the u/s was an empty sac. By the last ultrasound, I had pretty much accepted that this would end in a miscarriage.

But I never expected the pain and bleeding that I experienced yesterday. Now it’s over and I feel better, physically. And I have to say that I feel pretty even-keel emotionally. But maybe I’m just numb. I do know that I can be fine one minute and sobbing the next.

I don’t know if I can go through another cycle with the knowledge that it could end up the same way. We have one frozen embryo (I can’t believe we only have 1 frozen when we started with 10 fertilized eggs!) but the thought of going through another miscarriage gives me pause.

We also are reaching the end of our financial, emotional and physical ropes. I hope that in the past 2 months you’ve recovered your strength and have figured out how to move forward. I would love to hear how you’re doing.

Keep hope.[/quote]


#12

Blessedgal,

Thank you for the encouragement. It helps to know that the pain lessens over time. I’m finding it hard to focus on work, which is stressful because I’m very behind and worried about losing clients (I’m self-employed, as is my husband).

I understand wanting someone to be responsible. Because we didn’t do a D&C we couldn’t do any testing, but I don’t think I could have caused this, since the fetus never even developed at all. That does give me comfort, since I was so paranoid during those 8 weeks.

Thanks again, and I will be thinking of you and sending you good vibes for your July cycle.


#13

Hi blessedgal, you could better change the doctor. Now a days all the advanced infertility clinics are providing world class treatments for all kind of infertility problems with high success rates.