First I want to say how sorry I am to those who have suffered losses and also those who are trying and have tried so hard for their babies.
Here is my recent story. In September I found out I was pregnant with a surprise, natural pregnancy. Both DH and I felt so blessed and kept saying that I was carrying a miracle baby. It was not a smooth pregnancy. At 6.5 weeks I started spotting but everything looked fine with the baby. I scrambled to find a reason, I asked my RE about baby aspirin because my former RE (in another city) had me on baby aspirin with my son. At 9.5 weeks, I passed a medium sized clot, again the baby looked fine and they could not find a problem. In early November, I went to my OB for a routine NT scan, I was 12w5d. I will never forget the experience, she could not find the baby’s heartbeat. She said the baby must have passed recently as there was still urine in the bladder and was measuring only a day behind. We were devastated; in fact, I think that is an understatement. The next day I had a D&C. I took it very hard that first week but DH and I talked a lot and decided we would try one more IVF because we both really wanted another baby.
I asked my RE for bloodwork to check for clotting disorders. He did the testing and one of the results were high. Today we found out that the baby we lost had a normal karyotype and they could find no reason for the miscarriage. I don’t know how I am supposed to feel but this has put me back into a tailspin. I cannot stop crying again. I cannot stop blaming myself that this little baby was fighting to live and grow and I somehow failed it and my DH. How do I get beyond this? I will forever blame myself.
I am going to see a hematologist on Thursday to find out if I do indeed have a clotting disorder. As badly as I want another baby, I don’t want to lose another one. How do I get beyond this? Also, if I don’t seem to have a clotting disorder, what else could have caused me to lose this baby?