Need hope. Tired of crying


Hi ladies. I am in my first IVF cycle. I’ve been diagnosed with unexplained IF. All numbers indicated that I would respond very well to IVF. I responded well to the stims. At retrieval my RE was expecting between 11 and 15 eggs. Imagine my shock when I woke up and all he got was six. The next day I got the call that only two fertilized. I have been crying for 2 days. I know that “it only takes one” so no need to tell me. I just don’t understand why my retrieval had such bad results. Neither does my RE apparently. I have one shot at transfer otherwise this entire cycle is a bust. And then I will have even less hope going into another cycle. I just don’t know how to be positive…all faith, hope and positivity has been drained out of me. I’ve cried myself dry. I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me. How many more times can I do this???


Hi, Lindsay, I thought I would just jump in here quickly.

I used donor eggs, but we donor mommies have to work with the numbers just as you do. And despite the fact it looked as though our donor was going to give us 16 eggs, on the day of retrieval… There were only seven.

Of the seven, only three were even mature.

Of the three, only two fertilized.

I thought, “We won’t be able to beat the odds on this one, because the numbers just aren’t there and there aren’t going to be any “back up” embryos to work with.”

A few days later the stick said :bfp:.

Right now YOUR numbers say that you have a couple of fertilized eggs, yes? Hang in there and remember what we have to keep telling ourselves to stay sane through all of this: It only takes ONE.

You have as good a chance as anyone right now. :wink: Good luck!


Thank you

That is refreshing to hear. I just always expect the worst now. Every time I’ve been positive or optimistic I get hit with more bad news. I was so excited going into my retrieval. Like yes, this is it, this is going to work. And then BOOM everyone is scratching their heads. I’m “only” 34. “You’re young! You have time!” They all say to me. When things like this happen I don’t feel that way at all :"(


With each failure, it certainly doesn’t feel like you’re young or have time, does it? I understand.

Before we finally had Lucas in 2010, we went through two brief pregnancies and miscarriages. I was devastated, just absolutely destroyed by what happened. But the RE’s nurse said something to me that turned out to be true: “No matter what you’re going through right now, when you finally have that pregnancy that works and you get that baby, you will understand this was all worth it.”

She was right.

You can only do this thing – try and try and try – one day at a time. One success or failure at a time. You don’t have to take on the whole mountain, you just have to approach it step by step. You’ll get there. I promise. Just don’t be fooled by the numbers. Ever.


Thank you.

You’re right. Thank you for understanding.


Our first IVF, we thought we’d get between 10 & 14 eggs. We got 6. Of those 6, only 2 were mature. We ended up with 3 embryos (1 more matured later and they were able to ICSI it), but only transferred the initial two. One of those two is getting ready to turn two!

I know the numbers are disheartening, but another way to look at it is you know they didn’t fry your eggs trying to maximize the numbers so the embryos you do have are probably terrific! Hope one of them is your take home baby. Chin up!!


hang in there

I just wanted to give u a few words of encouragement. This is my first post on here in quite a while. I have been where you are and while my IF story is a bit different I hope u will be able to relate. We were also diagnosed with unexplained IF. They said DH’s count was normal but after one failed IUI with a count of 12 million, imagine my disappointment when the second try yielded a paltry 4 million. That was one of the worst arguments we have ever had, let me tell you. I cried and refused to go, sure that there was no way it would work but God had a different plan I guess. We now have a wonderful, bright, very energetic 15 month old.

They said “it only takes one” to me too and I didn’t want to hear it at the time but its true. Best of luck to u and :babydust:


I’m sorry you’re going through this but hopefully those two will be the lucky ones! I also had a very disappointing ER. We were also diagnosed with unexplained infertility and I responded beautifully to the meds. At ER 18 eggs retrieved, 12 mature, I was so excited. My call the next day crushed me, of 12 only 4 fertilized with ICSI. I was very upset and the RE couldn’t give me a reason for the poor results. Well, we put two back in and BOTH stuck and I now have two crazy 19-month-olds.

Best of luck to you and try to remember those two you have are the strongest of the bunch.



I thought I would share my story and hopefully it would give you some hope. We did 2 rounds of IVF with my own eggs. Both times we didn’t get a high # of eggs but we had good fertilization. The first cycle I transferred 2 great looking embryos and was devastated when it was negative. The second cycle just didn’t go well at all, we transferred 2 but they weren’t good quality. It was also negative. We made the hard decision to move onto donor eggs. We did frozen donor eggs since my RE office offers a gurantee program. They defrosted 8 and 6 defrosted properly, they fertilized them and only 3 fertilized out of the 6 and one of those only halfway fertilized. We were so upset. We were using donor eggs and had the worst fertility report we have ever gotten. The update on day 3 was bad. One egg didn’t grow and the other 2 weren’t growing as well as they wanted. I cried all weekend. We had spent so much $ and put so many hopes in this cycle and it was going so badly. On day 5 we expected the worst so imagine my surprise when the slow growing embryo that initially only half fertilized was now a good quality blast! We were given 40% odds of success. Not as much as we wanted, but more then we expected. I took a digital prego test yesterday and another today and it is positive! I go for my beta on Wed. I still have a long way to go, but for today I am happy with my positive prego test. My overall point is sometimes there really are some surprises in this journey and when you think you are out for the cycle you can be surprised when things turn around. I wish you lots of good luck and baby dust!


Well!!, ladies let me tell u this!! My first ivf I had 37 eggs retrieved!! Yes 37!! I thought I would have embryos in the freezer until the next millennium!! But from these 37 eggs only 28 where matured and icsi fertilised, but from these I only had 2 good blastocyst and all the others did not mature enough to be transferred! My doctor wanted to cancel the cycle and do it again but I pushed for the best looking one to be transferred and now she is asleep on the sofa cuddling the dog!!
It only takes one!!
You have 2 embryos
That is a success


Just wanted to bump this thread for encouragement for myself and anyone else who’s dealing with cycle disappointment but trying to cling to hope!


Keep moving forward, ladies! Good luck… :cheer:



I am going through my first cycle of IVF and my blood test is this Sat. I have just been trying to keep it together the best that I can, but that’s easier said than done. My husband and I had two unsuccessful IUI procedures and because I am 35, we decided to move on to IVF. Up until this point, our infertility issues were unexplained, even though I had been diagnosed with endometriosis at 30. I had every test that needed to be done completed and the doctors said I looked fine. At my egg retrieval, they were able to get 14 eggs, and we were really pleased, as my RE said anything over 10 was pretty good. Imagine my shock when we went in for the transfer on day 3 and my RE told us I only had 3 embryos (2-4cell and 1-3cell) which are not high quality and that they were pretty sure that none of the rest would make it(which they didn’t), as my egg quality was poor, probably due to the endometriosis. I also got a pretty bad case of OHSS after my egg retrieval that really escalated after the transfer. However, my OHSS symptoms are pretty much gone and even though I was miserable, I heard from my RE and read that having OHSS is a good sign of pregnancy and that if it goes away, that usually means you are not pregnant. So, now I’m at this point where I am just feeling a bit hopeless. I am trying not to be negative about it, but it’s just so hard when we weren’t given that great of chance from the get go. I don’t want to talk to anyone or really be around anyone except for my husband until after our blood test, because no one really understands what we are going through. I guess I am just looking for some words of encouragment from people who actually do understand what I am going through because they have experienced it too. Thanks y’all :slight_smile:


My husband and I tried for 10 yrs and never once got pregnant, you can see in my signature more. We decided this last time to use DE, had high hopes, young eggs, healthy, should have lots of eggs, plenty to freeze for future tries or siblings. Day of retrieval we got ten eggs and only 5 were mature, my first thought was are you kidding I had better numbers with my own eggs. But my coordinator said to relax we only need one good one. So we waited, 4 of the 5 fertilized w/ICSI, so good there, but the morning of day 3 we get a call to come for transfer there were only 2 (8) cell. I was so disappointed, only 2 those weren’t great odds in my head and we paid so much more money with no better results. The morning of my beta I started spotting as usual for my cycle and thought great here we go again. So was completely surprise when the coordinator called and said we were pregnant, quite surprised. Then while waiting for first US we were nervous if the sac would be empty, surprise 2 sacs with embryos in each. So yes it only takes one and yes it can happen, even if we think things look bleak. Have hope things can work out!!!