New here

#1

I’ve been with my husband for 7 years and married for over a year. He has 2 wonderful boys from his first marriage, I’ve been a big part of their lives for the past 7 years and I love them so much. But I’d like to have a child with me husband, he had a vasectomy while he was married to his first wife. I guess I feel some jealousy to her because she has children with the man I love and would love to have a child with him.

A few years ago I had surgery to remove cysts on my ovaries, during the surgery the doctors found endometriosis. Since then I’ve lived with moderate to severe pain in my right ovary. My doctor has told me that this may make it difficult to conceive I was also told that I will need a hysterectomy one day but I can’t bring myself to do it. It’s too final right now. I want a baby, I want to be pregnant, but some days I can’t get out of bed the pain is so bad. My husband wishes I’d get a hysterectomy because it kills him to see me in so much pain.

He and I have talked about our options and he does not want to have his vasectomy revised, because of cost and pain. I’d adopted if I had to get a hysterectomy but I want to have the experience of pregnancy. We’ve been thinking about a sperm donor. But that’s still a new thought and I think I need to get used to the idea that the baby wouldn’t be my husbands. I know he’ll raise this baby the same as his boys but I want him to be in our kid also.

I know I shouldn’t but I feel so much jealousy to women that find out their pregnant and didn’t even want to be or parents that have kids they don’t appreciate how wonderful they are. I guess I’m just bitter.

I feel like I get punched in the heart every time someone asks, “when you two going to have a baby?” No one this trying to be mean but it almost brings me to tears every time I’m asked.

I’m sure people think, well if she wanted a baby why did she marry a guy that’s had a vasectomy. Truth is I didn’t think I wanted kids when we started dating. But as I got older I changed my mind. And there is no one else I want to spend my life with. My husband is wonderful, he’s my best friend.

I guess I just needed to get that out. :frowning:

#2

i think a lot of people change their minds or secretly want babies but fight it. before we got married, my wife would say she didn’t want kids or she wanted to travel more before having kids - later on she confessed that she always wanted kids but deep down knew she had problems so it was easier for her to come up with a reason to not have them rather than to face the truth.

my mother also told my wife the other night that a year ago she thought about it and didn’t want to have grandchildren but now she’s at a place where she wants them and can’t wait to have grandchildren.

#3

Hello Ray!:welcome:By the way! I am in a very similar boat with you as far as the situations with DH.I personally never had that “burning” desire to become a mom and I felt extremely guilty for feeling this way for years. My DH and I have also been together for 7 years married for 6 and he has 2 boys from a previous marriage.However,he wanted children once he met me and got his reversed 4 years ago.BUT on a bright note,your DH does not have to get a VR to have children with you.:clap:My RE said there is a procedure where they remove the semen straight from the testes. (By the time our RE told us about this method,my DH had already had the VR). My friend had SEVERE endometriosis and she has 4 children.She was in a lot of pain too so she ended up having the hysterectomy. I truly hope you and DH get pregnant because I understand that feeling of “the ex has a piece of him you may not ever have”. From time to time I go through that feeling too.

#4

hello

I know what you mean about getting together with someone and kids not being a part of the initial plan. I met my now fiance and we had NO plan on having a child, since we are older (I’m 44, and he’s 46). Over time, we discussed it in passing, and then he came to me in earnest last December and told me that he really wanted to try to have a child. With nothing in our way except my Mirena IUD, we started the journey. As you can tell by my signature, our lives have now changed a bit.

Don’t give up. If this is something you both really want, take steps to make it happen. :slight_smile:

#5

Thank you everyone for your stories and kind words. It really helps to know that there are other people in similar situations.

#6

[QUOTE=IVFKen]i think a lot of people change their minds or secretly want babies but fight it. before we got married, my wife would say she didn’t want kids or she wanted to travel more before having kids - later on she confessed that she always wanted kids but deep down knew she had problems so it was easier for her to come up with a reason to not have them rather than to face the truth.

my mother also told my wife the other night that a year ago she thought about it and didn’t want to have grandchildren but now she’s at a place where she wants them and can’t wait to have grandchildren.[/QUOTE]

I know how you wife feels or felt. I think I’ve always wanted kids but was just not ready to admit it to myself or my husband. For a long while it was easier to ignore but now I have this overwhelming feeling that I want this.
Thank you for sharing.