New member intro and questions


#1

I’ll start off with my story that leads me here. Me and my wife was trying to conceive without any luck eventually lead us to fertility specialist. He began to look at her and started her in meds with still no luck. Come to find out it was me with the problem. Low everything on sperm analysis. So then the dr said ivf would be the only way. My wife wasn’t lookin forward to it but I pleaded for 1 shot at a biological child. She had a very hard time become hyper stimulated and sick. I felt terrible. It ended up working and 23 weeks 2 days later after a nightmare pregnancy she gave birth to a premature baby boy (Holden) he was only with us 22 days and just ripped our hearts out when he passed. we are currently looking at adoption. So that brings us today. I want to give my wife a healthy pregnancy and fertiliy treatments for her are out due to the bad experience. She blames ivf for the death of our son and in turns blames me for ivf.
A little history about me as mentioned low on everything for sperm analysis. Im only 25 and fairly healthy.I used to chew tobacco but quit. And up till recently drank wine/ beer every evening but have since cut back dratically.Very healthy diet I workout/ run 5-6 days a week. Kinda of coffee adict (about 1/2to full pot a day). no drug history. Recently I was told I might have underdevloped testicles.
So my main question is if our problem was male factor WHY did the RE jump straight to ivf without even considering treatment for me?
And how can I increase my fertility?
I’m cutting back on caffeine to 1 cup a day not wearing my boxer briefs at night and only drink on days off with friends and not to excess anymore and started taking zinc, folic acid, vitamins a, c, e on top of my multi vitiam. The worse part of this is the depression of not being able to give my wife her dreams and feeling like less of a man/husband. Sorry so lengthy just figured I would share everything upfront.


#2

Why not schedule an appt for yourself with a urologist? Even when RE’s discover male factor issues, if they can be corrected, it is a Urologist who they are referred to for treatment.


#3

That is my current plan… I guess I couldn’t believe I wasn’t referred to one before we started ivf. I was pretty shocked by the whole sitituation. The RE acted as if there wasn’t anything that could be done however after doing my own research and seeing so many successful stories I am definetly going to pursue it.


#4

I agree that you should find a new doctor. Jumping into IVF without doing all the diagnostic tests is reckless. Also, I can unequivocally tell you that IVF did not cause the miscarriage. Low sperm counts, morphology, motility, progression, will make conceiving harder but once the embryo is implanted and found to not have aneuploidies (like Down Syndrome) it is not the sperm that would cause a miscarriage in the second trimester. If your wife is blaming you for the miscarriage and not being able to give her children, then your marriage is in a bad place and you need to fix it before adopting a child. There are counselors that specialize in infertility. The IVF clinic we went to was able to give us a referral.


#5

Your story just breaks my heart. My own son’s name is Holden. I can’t imagine life without him :frowning:

I do think it’s strange that they jumped you right to IVF. I don’t know a lot about male factor, but I know that IUI is generally quite successful for mild to moderate male factor. Have they ruled out a varicole? My husband’s morph is “iffy” and they suggested he see a urologist, but he never went because we have a child and I definitely, definitely am most of the problem.

From what I hear, there are some supplements that can help with male factor. Not wearing briefs, no hot tubs, keeping caffeine in check are all helpful…but they should check your numbers periodically to make sure these things work.

Anyway, I agree that seeing a counselor would be a great idea, if you aren’t already. You are going through an incredibly difficult time with the loss of your son, and that grief shouldn’t be minimalized. I’m so sorry your wife had such a hard time with the IVF process, and that all of this happened to you. I hope you find the happiness you deserve and your baby makes it to you, however it happens.


#6

I agree with some of what was said. Our problem is a male factor as well. And the RE said ICSI on our first appt. He knew that was the only way. However, we didn’t start the process right away. We will do it in July. Our first appt when ICSI was mentioned was in August. During this time they have tested my DH only to find out we don’t have a chance without ICSI. So, yes the RE jumped to ICSI right away and was correct about that, but he didn’t start the process on us until he tested us.

I agree that IVF had nothing to do with the miscarriage. It happens in natural pregnancies too. And I agree that you may need couples therapy. Theres no good in holding ill feelings towards someone for something they had no control over. Consider counseling before bringing a child into the relationship.


#7

Thank you everyone for your responses. Soon of you mention miscarriage and it wasn’t our son was alive for 22 days. Me and my wife is in a much better place. Shortly after she blame me and had those negative thoughts she explained to me she was jut having a bad few days and some people she works with she says stupid things ( they probably mean well). After all me and her are still grieving and I forgave her. Most recently she said she was sorry and didnt know how she could do this without me so I’m confident that we are getting back where we were the loss if our son has just taken a toal in us. About ivf causing the pprom my wife is a nurse practitioner and she’s the kind of person that has to be able to have a reason/cause for everything.

Couple question is most urologist pretty familiar with male fertility or should I look more at a specialist. Can most cases be explain or is some just mysteries?
Thank you so much for your support so glad I found this forum.

And also I’m surprising my wife with a week long trip to Mexico here in a couple weeks. Hope that makes her feel a little better😊


#8

Ah yes, I misread…I can’t imagine how horrible losing a preemie baby is. I’m glad that you’re both starting to heal.
Hopefully the next time you’re pregnant the OB will monitor more closely and treat it as a high-risk pregnancy. I remember before my second IVF, my RE tested me for things like thalassemia, hypothyroidism, blood clotting factors, etc that can cause miscarriage. This might be something you might want look into. And yes, some urologist specialize in infertility. Generally they’ll check to see if there is a varicocele and they’ll do a hormone panel and check for testosterone, FSH, LH etc. Unfortunately for us there wasn’t anything we could fix so we had to do IVF. I think it’s great you guys got pregnant on the first try (most people don’t) so the odds are really good for you.
And I just want to put it out there that living a healthy lifestyle makes a huge difference. We were pretty healthy before, but we really cut back on alcohol, caffeine, did more regular moderate exercise (as opposed to infrequent high-impact exercise), and had sex more often.

Mexico sounds like a great idea. It’ll give you time to mentally and physically prepare for the next hurdles.


#9

Careen thanks for your response,
If me and my wife ever do fertility treatments I’d say it would be a long time from now we just didnt have a great experience and is kind of gun shy I guess. I guess my main reason for doing this is for myself. The limiting acohol and caffeine will be tough but I want to see if it makes a big difference. I make my own beer and wine at home so I might e stepping away from that hobby for awhile. Other than drinks I’m pretty strick on my diet I always it clean with no process carbs and stay away from artificial anything. What sort I supplements should I look into taking?
And you mentioned that ivf was your only option if you don’t mind me asking why wasn’t your husband able to get his numbers up? Just curious since I’m running through all my own scenarios of what could happen? Thanks


#10

I think he was taking Conception XR and CoQ10. You’re right, his numbers didn’t seem to go up, so maybe being healthy didn’t make a difference.


#11

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine going through that!!

I’m very familiar with male factor infertility as we have dealt with that for 10 years now. Whether or not doing ivf was the right thing or not really depends on the results of the semen analysis and the severity of the infertility.

Most doctors recommend having 3 semen analysis done (since counts can vary). After 3 tests they have a pretty good idea of a man’s fertility. If test results are slightly low, they may try to add medicine (like clomid) and vitamins to increase the count, morphology, and mobility. That may or may not work. Some people have suggested trying acupuncture. If the sperm does improve they may consider trying IUI.

However, in our situation, none of those things helped and IVF with icsi was the only solution. It is actually shocking to me that with all our medical technology that there isn’t a way to fix male infertility. My husband saw 3 different urologist and at the end of the day no one could really say why his count was low and no one could improve it. (we tried everything!) We felt that ivf was our way to a biological child.


#12

New member here

[SIZE=2][FONT=Trebuchet MS]Hello all,

[SIZE=2]I had undescen[SIZE=2]ded testicles and [SIZE=2]had surgery at 8 years. But seems like that itself was very late. Me and my [SIZE=2]wife tried for 4-5 months but I always knew somethings wrong with me. So went to a specialist and did SA. Sh[SIZE=2]ocked to know there was no sperm and so I might be looking at not [SIZE=2]a chance to father a child. Did another SA toda[SIZE=2]y and doc said no luck in it as well.
[SIZE=2][SIZE=2]Have taken u[SIZE=2]rology appointment. Im not sure if he [SIZE=2]specializes in MFI but my doc said [SIZE=2]I need a general eva[SIZE=2]luation by [SIZE=2]u[SIZE=2]rologist in order to [SIZE=2]ensure everything is alrite with me.
[SIZE=2]My wife is onl[SIZE=2]y concerned about whether I will have any health issues and she [SIZE=2]is [SIZE=2]cool about the issue that we mi[SIZE=2]ght not have biologic[SIZE=2]al kids. I guess she is acting cool in front of m[SIZE=2]e.
[SIZE=2]I cannot bear th[SIZE=2]is and am totally devastated.
[SIZE=2][SIZE=2]Will a normal urologist help me [SIZE=2]in this case? [SIZE=2]
Im [SIZE=2]32 years old and my wifes going to be [SIZE=2]29. Im so sorry for her…Poor she cannot have a baby cause of me.[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE]
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#13

[QUOTE=adhopes][SIZE=2][FONT=Trebuchet MS]Hello all,

[SIZE=2]I had undescen[SIZE=2]ded testicles and [SIZE=2]had surgery at 8 years. But seems like that itself was very late. Me and my [SIZE=2]wife tried for 4-5 months but I always knew somethings wrong with me. So went to a specialist and did SA. Sh[SIZE=2]ocked to know there was no sperm and so I might be looking at not [SIZE=2]a chance to father a child. Did another SA toda[SIZE=2]y and doc said no luck in it as well.
[SIZE=2][SIZE=2]Have taken u[SIZE=2]rology appointment. Im not sure if he [SIZE=2]specializes in MFI but my doc said [SIZE=2]I need a general eva[SIZE=2]luation by [SIZE=2]u[SIZE=2]rologist in order to [SIZE=2]ensure everything is alrite with me.
[SIZE=2]My wife is onl[SIZE=2]y concerned about whether I will have any health issues and she [SIZE=2]is [SIZE=2]cool about the issue that we mi[SIZE=2]ght not have biologic[SIZE=2]al kids. I guess she is acting cool in front of m[SIZE=2]e.
[SIZE=2]I cannot bear th[SIZE=2]is and am totally devastated.
[SIZE=2][SIZE=2]Will a normal urologist help me [SIZE=2]in this case? [SIZE=2]
Im [SIZE=2]32 years old and my wifes going to be [SIZE=2]29. Im so sorry for her…Poor she cannot have a baby cause of me.[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE]
[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/QUOTE]
Hi, I recommend Dr. Turek at SF, CA. My husband went there to get sperm retreived as he was born with what is called a “natural vasectomy.” So, he basically shot blanks. Dr. Turek and staff were amazing–really helped my husband feel more at ease and not embarressed. They coordinated with my Kaiser RE of when to retreive the sperm and get it to RE in time to do fresh sperm to egg fertilization. I am currently 30 weeks pregnant.

The mapping took an hour/hour and a half. Recovery 1day, hubby just felt some discomfort but that is about it. The tese/actual retreival of sperm took less than 30 minutes since they knew where to for most sperm from prev mapping. Recovery same as mapping. Grand total cost $11k.

Best of luck to all and hoping BFP for those TTC right now.

Chech out FNA mapping and Dr. Turek threads on here to learn more and mapping and tese to retrieve sperm.


#14

Hi, i am newbie. I want to join the site to learn and discuss about how to conceive a baby boy. Please to hear your kind comments. Thanks