New member looking for hope / support!


#1

Hi all! I’m looking for hope today. I tested this morning, and it looks like my third round of IVF has failed. Though my insides are a mess (as you can tell from my signature), I thought IVF would work for me since I’m still somewhat young and feel healthy. My RE always says I’m young and healthy too!

I am fortunate to be in an IVF share program, so I still have 2-3 rounds of IVF left, but I almost don’t want to go forward with them using my body! At this point, I feel like it’s too riddled with endo and hormonal issues to support a pregnancy, so I’m thinking about looking into surrogacy. I also plan to start the adoption process now. I want to have more than one child, so even if the IVF works later on, I’ll be thrilled to have an adopted child and a biological child.

So, here are my two questions:

  1. Can anyone share a success story about someone like me? Has anyone had success after 3 failed IVFs and horrible endo?
  2. I constantly go back and forth between trying to be hopeful and accepting that I can’t have children of my own. I believe in the power of the mind, so sometimes I pep talk myself and tell myself that it will happen for me. But then on other days, I feel like it’s dangerous for me emotionally to get my hopes up like that and that the best thing I can do is focus on adoption / moving on. Does anyone else feel this constant swing between the two emotions? I suppose I should “expect the worst and hope for the best,” but I don’t think I’m wired that way, haha! I have to do one or the other and I don’t know which way is best!! Help me new online lady friends :slight_smile:

#2

You sound so much like me! I had horrible endo!! It spread to other organs and used to “squeeze” them and I’d be in terrible pain. I’m a teacher and I missed the second day of school two years ago due to taking 2 pain pills of a friend because I was desperate!!! They made me sick and I had to leave school after vomiting. It was so terrible :frowning: I had lapo surgery in 2010 and it came back right away. Each time I’d go to the Dr. he’d say, “whoa that’s a lot of cysts!” and I knew how hard it would be to conceive.
I started IVF in 2011. I did two fresh cycles and 1 frozen. All failed. The transfers were a mess do to being in so much pain from the speculum. The doctors would need to have alcoholic shots before doing them…I’m being sarcastic but I’d always joke with them because they NEVER had a patient like me before. They stayed positive and were wonderful dealing with me freaking out and crying on 3 valium just from them inserting the speculum!
After 3 failed painful IVFs and bad endo, I tried one more time back in January 2012 and I got a :bfp:. I had my baby girl this October. Thank God I did not give up after three failed ones and low hopes with bad cysts and endo.
I too would become depressed, then accept it, then hopeful, back to depressed etc. It’s normal…but as long as you still have hope that’s what matters. I feel as though you sound like me and because I was able to conceive, I strongly feel you can too. And if you can’t, you’re right, adoption and surrogacy are great options so you will one day get to be a great mommy! That’s all that matters <3


#3

Thank you, thank you, thank you for that response! We do sound so much alike and you really give me hope that I’ll be successful like you some day!! I teared up right here at my desk at work reading your story. Thanks again and congrats on your baby girl. I love that you’re an animal love too BTW! I am as well :slight_smile:


#4

I’m glad I could help. I had given up so many times and after each failed one my heart hurt a little more. It took all I had to do it a 4th time and thank God I did. Wishing you lots of luck and strength as you continue on your journey.
And yes I lovveeee animals :slight_smile: Even after cleaning up throw-up and hair balls today, they’re still my babies and I love them all :paw: