I am new here! I didn’t see a introduction forum so I just thought I would post here! Me and my DH have been TTC for 9 months and nothing. I am a worry wart by nature so as soon as we didn’t get pregnant the first month I started worrying and thinking negatively. Now here we are 9 months later and I am officially bitter and upset.
Just to give you some background…I am surrounded by people who pop babies out like rabbits. I have four sisters and they all had babies at the most inconvenient times of their lives! None of them were married and none of them had finished their undergraduate degrees. None of them were financially stable! One of them told me she was considering trying HEROIN and then found out she was pregnant so she thinks her baby saved her life! Yes, I am heavily annoyed by that:af: !
Anyway, I have finished two degrees and I am married and I try for nine months and I don’t have a baby yet. By technical calculations had I had good luck the first month I would be close to term today.
I do not think I deserve a baby more than anyone else but it does bother me that the least structured most underprepared people seem to be blessed with kids! I feel like I am being punished…as though fertility is a blessing and infertility is a punishment. I ask myself why teenagers, prostitutes, druggies, and abusive moms pop babies out on a yearly basis but I try to have a baby and nope-its just not my time!
Yes, I am bitter, and I am angry! The other day a girl I know told me that her husband and her want to have a baby as soon as possible I immediately thought “She’ll be pregnant within a month or two”. I know negative thinking isn’t good.
Another thing is that my sister, I know she just wants to be helpful but she gives me unwanted advice. She once told me to smile at babies when I saw them, smell baby clothes, and think baby thoughts and then I would be pregnant! The stupid crap people say!
I am just wondering why me. I know it has only been 9 months and some people have been trying for years but I don’t think its fair that people who don’t even want babies have them. The other day I was watching a special on TV and this woman was pregnant and crying because she was so poor. She gave the baby up for adoption. It was her 5th child. Yes, 5th. She had also given the 4th up. Who am I to pass judgement anyway?
Also!!! No, I have not been to the doctor yet. I am 26. I get yeast infections every single month just before my period. I have no STDs and I have good hygiene habits. Most women have to endure the two week wait to see if they are pregnant but I know I am not pregnant sooner because of the yeast infections which are a painful precursor to every period since I stopped birth control 9 months ago. Additionally, I have very heavy periods so the yeast infections and the heavy periods are like a slap in the face saying “oh you certainly are not pregnany but you definately are a woman!”
Ok, well that was more of a vent than an introduction but I am glad to be on this forum now!