New to the forum. My story


#1

I am a 34 y/o mother of one child, a daughter ( age 4 ) and a step mother to two boys ( ages 16 and 19 ).

So here’s my story: My husband and I were married in 2000. In 2003 , my husband had a right inguinal hernia repair. He also had his left testicle descended at the age of 2. After six long years of trying to conceive, without fertility assistance ( because our insurance wouldn’t cover it and we simply did not have the money ), we became pregnant. It was a really happy time in our lives. I gave birth to a very healthy 8 pound little girl. She is now 4 and is a healthy and smart little girl who is mature beyond her years. At the beginning of the year, after trying on our own for several months, we started fertility testing. Two semen analysis that showed no sperm, a testiculating biopsy that showed sperm in the left testicle has poor motility and sperm in the right testicle with good motility that is being blocked by the hernia repair. Our fertility urologist has informed us that the only way we will get pregnant is via IVF. My husband says he doesn’t want anymore children unless they are conceived naturally. I know that I am blessed to have my daughter. I thank God for her everyday. But… I feel like my husband is denying me the right to have another child. I struggle every day with the decision he has made for himself. We have fought, not in front of our daughter. I have a lot of anger and resentment towards my husband. I cry all the time. I’m angry. I’m depressed. I don’t know how to explain to my daughter that she will never have a baby sister or brother. She asks all the time when she can have a baby sibling. Our intimate life in non-existent because I am so angry and I don’t want to go through the emotional pain every month when my cycle comes.

So I guess the reason why I am joining this support group is to be able to talk to those who have gone or are going through the same thing that I am going through and who has felt or is feeling what I am.

Is there any hope to conceive naturally? If so, what is the success rate of doing so? Where do I go from here? Should I seek professional help to sort through everything before I end up in a divorce (which I don’t want because I do love my husband)?

Any comments, suggestions or words of wisdom and support are appreciated.


#2

JLarsen: Thanks for sharing your story. It is strange how much it helps me to read about someone else with a situation that is similar to mine–I guess because it all feels so isolating. You’ve inspired me to share my story, too–but not yet. I’ll work up the courage, soon!


#3

JLarsen-Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. There is a great book that can help you. It’s called The Fertile Heart. I read it and it completely changed the way I feel about my infertility. The approach is from a mind/body and spirit perspective, so absolutly a pregnancy is possible for you. Were do you live? If possible there is a Workshop in Woodstock, NY that would be incredibly helpful to you. I went and it completely changed my outlook on my infertility. Here is a link that may give you hope.

All the best to you.
The Fertile Heart Approach to Baby Making and Natural Fertility Treatments


#4

@Kate724 - I am glad that my story has inspired you to share your story in the future. If I have learned anything worth learning through this is that I can’t do it alone. It is hard for me to convey my feeling to my husband when he himself said that he is the cause of my emotional pain. I hope that you find the comfort you need in your situation.

@Pinkpeanut - Thank you for the information and the link. This is why I joined this forum, so I could be helped by other women who are going through what I am going through.