A Similar Situation
I recently asked a cousin of mine to be a donor. I was very nervous because we live far from each other, and we aren’t close, although I have always admired her. She agreed with such grace that I admire her even more, and hope that my child inherits her generosity and maturity.
Sometimes I see posts saying things like, “I thought about using this donor, and I didn’t, and now I’m happy I didn’t do it.”. How can you know that you wouldn’t have been thrilled if you had done it? At one point people made similar comments about IVF; e.g., “I would feel weird having a child that was born in a test tube rather than during an act of love.”. But, I believe that for most of us, once you hold that baby in your arms, all of these things we’re intellectualizing become immaterial. Similar to another poster, you will feel like this is absolutely what was supposed to happen, and you wont be able to imagine it another way.
With my cousin, my dad first broached the subject with my aunt to see if she thought my cousin might consider it. She asked my cousin, who said she was happy to do it. This was relayed back to me, and then I called my cousin.
I can think of so many advantages of using a family member. It can be hard to find the endurance to go through this process, and intimidating to ask family members, but it also can be really rewarding.
Best of luck in your decision!