Non supportive partner


#1

It will be 3 weeks on Wednesday since my D&C. I was 10 weeks and found out at the u/s the baby’s heart stopped beating and stopped growing at 8 weeks. Today the doctor called me with the results from the chromosomal test and told me my little angel baby was a girl.

My boyfriend was supportive for the first week after the D&C but after the first week he has become so cold and distant. He doesn’t say I love you to me anymore on his own unless I say it first. He doesn’t look at me, touch me, or talk to me in the same way. He used to write sweet texts to me and now I feel as if he hates me. We started fighting all the time. I tried sitting him down and explaining to him how I feel but it didn’t change anything and it just seems like he doesn’t care. I moved in with him in his home town right before I got pregnant and I still don’t know anyone here, I have no friends or family near. I feel so alone and I can’t stand the thought of losing him too right now. I love him more than ever.

He is always gone and when he is home he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I know men grieve differently than women and he represses his feelings which he has told me but I really need support from him right now. When the doctor called today to let us know the results, he had nothing to say. We plan on naming the baby tomorrow night because he has some tournament at a bar tonight but he doesn’t seem as if he cares like he did before when we discussed to still name our baby. I just really need to feel loved right now.

I went through infertility for a couple of years with my ex husband and was never able to get pregnant which ended up destroying our marriage. This is much harder losing my miracle baby, and now I’m afraid of losing my boyfriend too.

Is anyone in a similar situation and if so how did you handle it??? Please Help!


#2

[quote=Krissy27]It will be 3 weeks on Wednesday since my D&C. I was 10 weeks and found out at the u/s the baby’s heart stopped beating and stopped growing at 8 weeks. Today the doctor called me with the results from the chromosomal test and told me my little angel baby was a girl.

My boyfriend was supportive for the first week after the D&C but after the first week he has become so cold and distant. He doesn’t say I love you to me anymore on his own unless I say it first. He doesn’t look at me, touch me, or talk to me in the same way. He used to write sweet texts to me and now I feel as if he hates me. We started fighting all the time. I tried sitting him down and explaining to him how I feel but it didn’t change anything and it just seems like he doesn’t care. I moved in with him in his home town right before I got pregnant and I still don’t know anyone here, I have no friends or family near. I feel so alone and I can’t stand the thought of losing him too right now. I love him more than ever.

He is always gone and when he is home he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I know men grieve differently than women and he represses his feelings which he has told me but I really need support from him right now. When the doctor called today to let us know the results, he had nothing to say. We plan on naming the baby tomorrow night because he has some tournament at a bar tonight but he doesn’t seem as if he cares like he did before when we discussed to still name our baby. I just really need to feel loved right now.

I went through infertility for a couple of years with my ex husband and was never able to get pregnant which ended up destroying our marriage. This is much harder losing my miracle baby, and now I’m afraid of losing my boyfriend too.

Is anyone in a similar situation and if so how did you handle it??? Please Help![/quote]
I have not been in a similar situation but I was heartbroken to read your post. It is so hard to go through a m/c and to have problems with your partner at the same time must be unbearable. One thing I remember from my m/c is that my hormones were all over the place, I was a mess. So before you make any big decisions take some time to get back in balance. Maybe when that happens you can see things more clearly. I know it is way easier said than done but try to take good care of yourself and not focus on the guy. Look for your inner peace and look for things in your life to be grateful for and when you are ready you can address these issues with BF. It is too much to take on all at once. Mourn your loss right now and be good to yourself. And always remember men are SOOO different from us, and a lot of them have no idea what you are going through… but we do. :grouphug::grouphug:


#3

Thank you so much! I cried reading your response but in a good way. I will try to focus on grieving right now, the nurse did say I should put myself first. Thank you again, your words have made me feel better. I don’t feel so alone as I did. I’m grateful to find support on these forums.