Not sure if "guilt" is the right word but


#1

My sister in law announced her pregnancy. I feel jealous, envious, etc. While I am happy for her, I’m disappointed for DH and myself. When friends announced they were expecting it always kind of hurt butI was able to move on quickly. I guess this had a bigger impact on my empty womb because it hit so close to home. I mean she’s family. She also gave me hope. She also struggled with infertility and underwent many treatments. So, while I felt all those other feelings I also felt like… “Hey, this could still happen for us”. I chose to order “Unsung Lullabies: Understanding & Coping with infertility” to possibly help myself with my inner envy. To get to the guilt I feel, that I stated in my title… well, today my sister in law was rushed to the ER because she was in pain and bleeding. She is considered a high risk pregnancy for other reasons and now knowing that she may lose this baby, her first baby I feel awful. As, she was soo excited and nothing could have changed their world. And, now today… this. I know it isn’t my fault. By any means, but I am feeling guilty for ever feeling jealous and envious. I never wanted anything bad to happen, I truly was happy for them and excited for DH and I to be Aunt & Uncle. I know this time is not about me… And, I should not be so selfish but I can’t help but feel so bad for how I feel. When she announced it, it was all I could think about, how jealous I was. I overcame most of it and then today this happens and I feel like everyone is going to think I am happy this happened… Which I am not and never could be. I want this for her as much as she does. I probably sound crazy for this rant. I know that no one will really think that and that it truly has nothing at all to do with me. I need to work on coping with my own infertility and controlling my feelings. Prayers for my sister in law please. She deserves to be a mom as much as the rest of us.


#2

Lots of positive thoughts for your SIL. I think the feelings that you were having when you heard are perfectly natural and things I felt when sister/SIL were pregnant.

You’re only human. I hope everything works out for both you and SIL.


#3

Thanks, I need that positive reinforcement that I am not crazy or “mean”. I want to be pregnant and have a baby but that doesn’t mean I don’t want anyone else to! I do… Just the initial announcement kind of tugs at my uterus and breaks my heart all at once, yet I still feel happy for those people, I can’t help but feel sad for myself.


#4

I think we all go through that initial feeling at first. I have had those exact same feelings. Both of my SIL’s gave birth last week and the week before. My sister is on baby #4 and I am sitting around pretending to be happy for all of them. My sister even calls and wants to invite me to the baby shower. I politely declined making up an excuse.

Needless to say it’s not healthy to feel guilty.It’s completely normal and a valid reaction. I send my :pray: to your SIL and I have me :cross: crossed that your will get :preg: soon.


#5

I love all my nieces and nephews, as well as the rest of my family, with all of my heart. That didn’t keep me from nearly vomiting the last couple of times I found out I would be an aunt again.


#6

Wow!!! I didn’t know it was that bad. I’m sending you a great big :grouphug:. I will pray for you and it you ever want to talk onoe on one please send me a PM. Trust me I know what yu are going through. Good luck.


#7

Thank you all. I appreciate the support which is exactly why I joined this community. I am hoping for the best for her- first and foremost!