Not sure if this is the place to post,


#1

I’m not sure if this is the place to post, but i am really at a loss here. You can see my sig below, but here is a recap-We have been TTC for 2 years now. 4 failed IUIs, moved on to IVF In March. First one worked! I thought “well, that wasn’t so bad” until May 18, 2011. Routine check up showed my baby had died. I had seen her heart beat 4 times before, i’m grateful for that but so easily it was gone. The only thing that consoled me was that I could try again. It worked once, it will again. How wrong. I have just received the news that my 4th try didn’t work. I am devastated. I am angry. I cry all of the time. I have lost all hope. I look through this forum and it seems I see that so many have been through similar experiences, but end up with their baby after at 2-3 IVF cycles. My doctor doesn’t know what’s wrong. All of my cycles have basically been “perfect.” I am facing IVF #5. It seems unreal. I don’t know that I will ever get to see another heart beat of my own child. I feel like if it was going to work for me, it would have by now. All of my cycles have gone well…there is noting to fix. I have to get through my best friend’s baby shower next weekend (she decided to get pregnant after I told her I was. Got pregnant 2 weeks after my miscarriage, “tried” for 1 month, lucky her.) The following week I have not only what would be my due date, but also the 1st birthday party of my other friend’s DD (we started “trying” at the same time so we could have our babies together. :grr: ) Then comes christmas (one pregnant cousin- her 3rd child, and 6 kids under the age of 4). I really, honestly, do not know how I can do this.
I am just so lost and hopeless. Infertility has changed EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP that I have. I have no one to turn to (except DH, and he is just as upset and lost as I am, so it’s not much help). No one in my life understands how very awful, how very worthless, I am feeling. Their “suggestions” or words of comfort just infuriate me. I don’t think I will ever feel “better” again.
I’m sorry, I guess I am just venting. I just feel like if it was going to work by now, it would have. Not sure i can do #5, just to have it fail again, with no explanation.


#2

Not time to give up…

all you have is mild endo. If there’s no other diagnosis, then you just need to find the right cycle. At some point, you will be successful.


#3

Long Journey

Please don’t give up. My DH and I have been on a long journey as well. You can see by my signature. I have a forum in the pregnancy loss category. It’s pretty quiet there but we are always there for support.

We have taken some time off of trying (not naturally) and I am feeling much better lately. I can relate 100% to your relationship statement. Things are not the same with anyone I know but almost no one knows we did all of this infertility “stuff.” It’s a complicated life we are leading and my DH is great and we are not quite ready to give up because we want a family and we deserve one!

Hope that helps a bit. :grouphug: