Now surrogacy only :-(


#1

Hey guys. almost 2 weeks have passed since I found out about my miscarriage. Too painful memories. It’s twice as tough to cope with it after my first bfp ever. but the higher you are the farther you fall… although I have one more IVF attempt included in a package i chose, I can’t do it anymore. I’m going to start surrogacy… i can’t take it now, I can’t tell my manager I agree to switch to surrogacy. I can’t imagine how much time I need for recovery. Maybe there is any perfect remedy to make me feel better? I need your support only. Praying for all of you xxx


#2

Dear, dear, sweetheart! We all are with you. Only God can know how it’s hard to be in your shoes right now! I’m sending you my concerns, my pain for your loses! Remain being a brave and strong woman, the perfect everything is waiting for you in the nearest future. As you know I’m going through the surro, few days ago I was mailed about our surrogate’s acceptation, long two months were left behind, and we are ready to make the next step.
Try to shift your focus away from a problem. Try to read or watch something. I was engaged in evening running. It helped me not to think about our problems all the time.
Receive my love and care. Write about your news!


#3

Petricker, I’m so sorry for that…but you must be kind to yourself. it’s not your fault and there is no one to blame actually. You should take as much time as you need to heal up. Maybe come to a church, clear your mind and pray for your future. Positive thinking is what you need, of course you’re sad and hollow, it’s natural but don’t let yourself be possessed by negative thoughts. Your grief must be replaced by readiness to continue your journey. I’m thinking of you and sending you love xxx


#4

2 weeks is too little to recover. time will heal. it won’t be a wound, but it will be a scar. not painful any longer, but it will never disappear. we all have our ups and downs in our lives, but you know: what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. when you feel it’s time, think of your options and of alternative ways. Surrogacy may be tough to handle emotionally, but the joy it brings is comparable to natural pregnancy (believe me, I’ve experienced both).
as far as I understood, you can shift from ivf to surrogacy within your clinic? is this within same contract or you need to sign a new one?


#5

Dear Petricker, my prayers are with you.
All of us have challenges in different areas of life and we just need to learn to deal with them. There is no point fighting the things we have no control over. I’m sure there are things in your life can be grateful for. I know it’s hard that this part of your life is not as perfect as you’d like it to be, but there is something imperfect in all our lives.
May you focus on the happiness that still remains for now, and find the right options when you’re ready. xx


#6

[QUOTE=“Mydreammore, post: 1870086, member: 87459”]Dear, dear, sweetheart! We all are with you. Only God can know how it’s hard to be in your shoes right now! I’m sending you my concerns, my pain for your loses! Remain being a brave and strong woman, the perfect everything is waiting for you in the nearest future. As you know I’m going through the surro, few days ago I was mailed about our surrogate’s acceptation, long two months were left behind, and we are ready to make the next step.
Try to shift your focus away from a problem. Try to read or watch something. I was engaged in evening running. It helped me not to think about our problems all the time.
Receive my love and care. Write about your news![/QUOTE]

Thank you Mydreammore! I couldn’t imagine this would be so hard. There is a great difference between to have bfn and to have a mc after bfp. But no matter how painful it is, life doesn’t stand still. I decided to make a decision in a month. I guess it’s enough to clarify my thoughts regarding future of our family. Of course the pain won’t go, but it must be easier to cope with it I believe. Thank you for advice, maybe I’ll try different things to forget that nightmare.
You’ve got so lovely news! I’m really happy about it from the botton of my heart. Please remind me it’s OE or DE surrogacy? When will she have ET?


#7

I can’t stop blaming myself, my body…it’s unfair, to give me such a fab chance and to take it away so easily. My husband is trying to care about me, about us as much as he can, he’s very attentive now, although it’s hard to him too. Actually sometimes I think he feels my pain even more than I do and every new cycle is a great challenge for him. We support each other like never before. But it’s too early for positive thinking. Thank you wilemmson! good luck for you too


#8

I have de surrogacy. I guess I have to wait approximately one month and half. You know donor and surrogate have to be stimulated before fertilization and embryo transfer. That’s normal term we are ready to expect. It’s amazing when you see all processes are advancing and it leads you to the dreamed final. It’d be awesome to find out about your decision as soon as possible. My fingers crossed. Wish you good luck! I guess you have an Ideal package? i have the standard


#9

[QUOTE=“Agnete, post: 1870092, member: 87055”]2 weeks is too little to recover. time will heal. it won’t be a wound, but it will be a scar. not painful any longer, but it will never disappear. we all have our ups and downs in our lives, but you know: what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. when you feel it’s time, think of your options and of alternative ways. Surrogacy may be tough to handle emotionally, but the joy it brings is comparable to natural pregnancy (believe me, I’ve experienced both).
as far as I understood, you can shift from ivf to surrogacy within your clinic? is this within same contract or you need to sign a new one?[/QUOTE]

I know it’s too early, but when everyday lasts forever and is exactly as the previous one, it’s hard to hope this wound could ever disappear. I always couldn’t agree with that Nietzsche’s statement. maybe he meant something different, I don’t know… but i know for sure that even in 10 years I won’t say this miscarriage made me stronger. anyway thank you for your support, it’s very omportant to hear the words from a woman who had experience in this field. I’m so glad that you are a mother. I’ll wait and move on in a month I guess. It’s the same package including 1-2 de ivfs and in case of negative you could start surrogacy


#10

[QUOTE=“Reya S, post: 1870099, member: 87659”]Dear Petricker, my prayers are with you.
All of us have challenges in different areas of life and we just need to learn to deal with them. There is no point fighting the things we have no control over. I’m sure there are things in your life can be grateful for. Just this part of your life is not as perfect as you’d like it to be. But then, life is not perfect.
May you focus on the happiness that still remains. xx[/QUOTE]

Thank you Reya S! You are totally right. I can’t fight it, I can’t change it, just feel the pain with my heart and take it for granted. I have loving people near me and I’m so grateful they are here, I appreciate everyone who support me on the internet. I love life actually but I’m just hurt. Thank you for your kind words xx


#11

Oh I see. Yes, standard package for surrogacy and surrogacy in ideal package have lots in common actually, although mine is cheaper. Everything will be alright. Waiting for your further news. Good luck x


#12

If I remember correctly ideal is pretty loyal one because it costs near 10k less than mine and consists of almost the same advantages. Also you had chance to have a child through IVF. It’s a complex package.
I wish you have a quick recovering. Just interesting what was your motivation to choose this kind of package?


#13

I’ve never experienced miscarriages, if to absolutely sincere with you. so I can only guess how it is, especially after fertility treatment. i think everything doubles. but i experienced maybe even greater loss - loss of uterus after delivery which meant I’ll never become a mother again. Of course, I was happy that they saved my baby, but still it was a kick below the belt. Then came two long years of despair and but hopefully my son and my family helped me to rehab my faith. for as well surrogacy came out as the only one solution and it seems it was the right choice.
But you need to take this decision for your own.
by now, take care and surround yourself with things/people who bring you joy for a quicker rehab
also, if this community is helpful, and I’m sure it is, the right thing would be to find some help here as well
we do care
xxx


#14

oh, dear! That’s always hard to overcome. But still don’t blame yourself. You’ve been told a lot of kind and warm words here. Know nothing to add in order to make calm down. Time heals everything. Just take some time to think about your future. Also I’m into my surrogacy program and I’m absolutely satisfied with that, I would recommend you to take every chance you have in your life
Take care xx


#15

[QUOTE=“Mydreammore, post: 1870106, member: 87459”]If I remember correctly ideal is pretty loyal one because it costs near 10k less than mine and consists of almost the same advantages. Also you had chance to have a child through IVF. It’s a complex package.
I wish you have a quick recovering. Just interesting what was your motivation to choose this kind of package?[/QUOTE]
thank you mydreammore! you are right, it’s a great package and I haven’t seen other places where it’s possible to have such services combined. I decided to choose this pack for many reasons. first of all i was interested in de ivf, but I didn’t want to have just one attempt and start it all over again. But I didn’t want to have more than one round of ivf, because after my 3 failed ones I wasn’t sure it could be sensible. I’m not ready for cycling again and again, it’s not for me. At the same time I thought about surrogacy. Well, when I first read the terms of every contract of the clinic I chose this one. It’s like standard surrogacy pack, you’re right but still there are a few differences.


#16

[QUOTE=“Agnete, post: 1870277, member: 87055”]I’ve never experienced miscarriages, if to absolutely sincere with you. so I can only guess how it is, especially after fertility treatment. i think everything doubles. but i experienced maybe even greater loss - loss of uterus after delivery which meant I’ll never become a mother again. Of course, I was happy that they saved my baby, but still it was a kick below the belt. Then came two long years of despair and but hopefully my son and my family helped me to rehab my faith. for as well surrogacy came out as the only one solution and it seems it was the right choice.
But you need to take this decision for your own.
by now, take care and surround yourself with things/people who bring you joy for a quicker rehab
also, if this community is helpful, and I’m sure it is, the right thing would be to find some help here as well
we do care
xxx[/QUOTE]

yes, it hurts. your loss is terrible. i feel for you, Agnete. but you are a mother and it’s wonderful! i’m almost ready to move on with surrogacy. the sooner we start the sooner our baby will be with us. you can’t imagine how helpful such fertility communities and forums are. My family and friends support me but they actually don’t know how it feels like. but it’s important to be understood and to share with someone who knows what infertility is.


#17

[QUOTE=“kellysweet, post: 1870288, member: 87564”]oh, dear! That’s always hard to overcome. But still don’t blame yourself. You’ve been told a lot of kind and warm words here. Know nothing to add in order to make calm down. Time heals everything. Just take some time to think about your future. Also I’m into my surrogacy program and I’m absolutely satisfied with that, I would recommend you to take every chance you have in your life
Take care xx[/QUOTE]
thank you, kelly, i’m grateful for your support. I think that surrogacy is my next step. we just need more time to take this decision and not to regret about it. maybe it’s rude of me but what made you to take that chance? is your surrogate mother pregnant or you are already a mother? it’s possible to have surrogacy in your country?


#18

In brief I can’t carry a baby because the endometrium in my womb doesn’t grow at all and doesn’t respond to any simulations either. But we were lucky to find out about biotexcom clinic in Ukraine and decided to venture into the program with it…as we couldn’t surrogate legally in our country… we are absolutely satisfied with all the services so far. Our surrogate mother is almost 12 weeks pregnant already… All the risky period almost gone… wish you great luck too with your journey xxx


#19

You’re a clever woman, indeed. I see you have enough intellect to make right decisions. I couldn’t do the same way without my husband’s mind. If I needed to pass through treatment abroad alone. I assume I’d be deceived and kidded since the first steps.

Someone can call me a stupid but I know from my heart I will be a great mom.

I heard about stories when women gave a large part of their lives to their round-endless treatment. And how much health It took from them. Only god knows. I’d be afraid of losing my health’s resource without getting a result. So I think you are absolutely right.


#20

[QUOTE=“Mydreammore, post: 1870307, member: 87459”]You’re a clever woman, indeed. I see you have enough intellect to make right decisions. I couldn’t do the same way without my husband’s mind. If I needed to pass through treatment abroad alone. I assume I’d be deceived and kidded since the first steps.

Someone can call me a stupid but I know from my heart I will be a great mom.

I heard about stories when women gave a large part of their lives to their round-endless treatment. And how much health It took from them. Only god knows. I’d be afraid of losing my health’s resource without getting a result. So I think you are absolutely right.[/QUOTE]

thank you haha, i wasn’t told anything like that for a long time. My husband helps me to make a decision, but he gives me a right to choose. But don’t be so hard on yourself…it’s a long and tough journey and we can’t make it without support of loving people. We all will be great mothers, believe me. Sometimes I think that only a woman who faced infertility could see the true value of motherhood after all.
I know what you mean, 10+ cycles, damn a lot. even 5 it’s too many. But of course everyone has a right to decide what fits better to them. I know that I’m not the one who will try again and again. but I respect women who are brave enough to move on and try again.