To the OP, this may or may not be advice that would apply to everyone universally, but for my wife and I, we try to avoid friends or acquaintances when they are in the whole pregnancy/newborn phase. People who are pregnant or have a newborn tend to be awash in parental instinct, which ultimately makes them self-absorbed and they generally expect the world to revolve around them. This is perfectly natural. Unfortunately, this also means that their thoughts during these times will be turned inward, not outward to what may or may not hurt your feelings. Engage them too much and there’s a good chance they’ll be inviting you out to go clothes shopping for the baby-to-be, whether or not they know you have fertility problems or not.
I’m not trying to be cynical or anything, but that’s just sort of the reality. At gatherings, if there is a newborn, everyone will swoon over it and the mother/father will beam proudly at their Darwinian achievement. Sure, you can smile and tough your way through it 3-4 times a month like I have for the sake of being polite, but in the end, it adds a lot of stress and heartache to your life.
I’ve learned to keep my distance from friends or extended family that are going through that 3 year period. My wife and I still visit on holidays and such, but we don’t visit on a weekly basis. We learned the hard way. Most people just don’t get how hard infertility is unless they’ve experienced it themselves. Simply telling them how we felt was problematic, too, because if we did, it would imply that they should some how tone down their joyous behavior for our sake.
I don’t want to sound like a downer, and yeah, it would be great if we could all transform ourselves into paragons of virtue and stoicism on command. To be frank though, sometimes we just need to find ways to spare ourselves the heartache.
However, once the kids grow to be about 2-3 years old and baby-fever is over, things get better though. There isn’t that conspicuous carnival atmosphere around the mother or the child, anymore… that carnival atmosphere that celebrates a person’s miraculous ability to do something that you apparently can’t.
My wife and I thoroughly enjoy our time with the boy and girl twins that our friends have, and since they aren’t babies anymore, they aren’t constantly swarmed by everyone else, which means we get them all to ourselves! By the end of our visits, we feel better about our infertility issues than we did before.