pprom and subsequent loss


#1

i thought our infertility issues were over. long story short- once the dr.'s told us that my husband has no sperm, we opted to use doner sperm. on my 2nd cycle i got pregnant and now have a healthy & happy 2 year old. ttc the 2nd child back in july i got pregnant on my first cycle. i thanked the fertility center and was happy never to have to see them again. at 21 weeks i pprom’ed, followed by a cord prolaps at 22 weeks and lost baby Grace at 23 weeks gestation.

we are all on a fertility journey that sucks. we want a child so much. it took 2.5 years to concieve my son Cole. mostly due to the medical sysytem delaying the time. try naturally for a year. then it was always wait 3 months to see a specailist. wait 3 months for genetic testing results. 3 more months for other specailist. 3 more months to book the operation. time to grieve the biological child we would never have. time to chose the doner and then cycle monitoring. so the 2nd time around there were no issues. lets just start cycle monitoring and get it done. who new it would end badly!

i feel devisated. it been 2 weeks since burying my child. she was stillborn. why do these things have to happen? i feel we had suffered enough the 1st time around, with comeing to terms with our male factor infertility issues. now this time around, my body failed our daughter. i thought myself free of infertiliy, free of the need to want a child so bad, free of the depression that comes with the journey. now here i sit childless. i see pregnant women every where and start crying. i hear new born babies crying and i want to just hold them since i only held the body of my Grace. i know losing a child is hard and i must give myself time to heal and grieve. but how much can one family take? will my husband want to try again? will there be further complications? how soon could we start trying? will i be ready or to comsumed by grief?

i feel so alone. i feel disconnected from my husband. we greive differently i guess. we’ve fought so much in the last 2 weeks since lossing Grace. is that normal- to fight with your spouce after a loss? i cant focus on my son- i can organize a whole messy garage but i can’t play more that 10min with my son b4 losing focus.


#2

Cmtb,
I’m so sorry that nothing I am about to say can change your reality. It is heartbreaking to love something so fully that is not there anymore. I watched this video today of a poem that a husband wrote after his wife miscarried. I know that’s not the same as a stillborn (Which I’ve witnessed from the experience of 2 close friends is the hardest thing to go through), but both are so painful and I thought you and your husband may want to watch it together and relate: http://adoption.com/miscarriage-poem/
Maybe talking to someone else you both can confide in together may help also- just to hear what each other is feeling out loud might be healing for your relationship right now. Best wishes and prayers for renewed hope for you both!


#3

when a woman got pregnant after so much treatment and then its miscarriage some how. I have no words to support you. Only wishes for both of you .