Recent Miscarriage Support: Those who have lost in Nov/Dec 2011


#1

I have found myself often coming into the Pregnancy Loss area over the past few days, hoping to find a new place to “belong”. I see misc. posts from several folks—but thought it might be useful to try a thread for those of us going through the same thing at the same time.

I was lucky enough to be part of a great thread while going through IVF in October—and then I was estatistic to move over to the June/July 2012 EDD board with many of those same ladies who found success. Unfortunately, way too many of us expereinced a miscarriage this week and are now in need of a new home as we grieve & heal & look towards the future—and get help with all of those along the way.

If you have expereinced a recent miscarriage and would like to join in—please introduce yourself.


#2

Geojenn: My story

After TTC on our own for over 3 years, my husband I finally bit the bullet and went to an RE for help this summer. (We are both 36, and do not have any children.)

After testing my blood & HSG and a sperm analysis for hubby, it was diagnosed that our troubles are likely due to MFI. Counts are ok, but the motility is weak and the morphology is very low. Our RE recommended we skip over IUI and try IVF with ICSI — and away we went on the IVF journey.

Despite a slow start, I produced 9 mature eggs. 6 of them fertilized with ICSI and we were estatic to have a 5 day transfer. We transferred 1 grade A blastocyst and 1 grade B blastocyst—and our RE gave us a 75% chance of getting pregnant. Unfortunately, our other 4 eggs were left to grow a bit longer but never made it to freeze.

We were ecstatic to get our first BFP on FRER 6dp5dt. While my Beta’s weren’t exactly comforting—I doubled every 72 hours or less and my RE was happy.

My husband and I were so happy that we took the chance at IVF and were lucky to be one of those annoying couples that got pregnant the first try!!!

Our world came crashing down (for the first time) when we went for our first u/s with our RE at 6 weeks 3 days. When they couldn’t find a heartbeat and noted that we looked a week behind, my RE said there was no hope and sent me to my OB for a D&C. I became a puddle.

2 days later while at my OB’s office for a pre-surgery prep appointment, that wonderful u/s technician found a heartbeat much to everyones amazement. Even my husband cried in the u/s room. We were advised to be cautiosuly optimisitic—and remained in baby limbo for the next several weeks as we saw growth and improved heartbeat at follow-up u/s, but always knew our bean was at least a week behind. I was so looking forward to sending my RE a baby picture in July with a note about patience and a recommendation that 6weeks and 3 days was too soon to end the game for anyone!!!

Unfortunately, we went in for an u/s last week and found that our little one had passed. There was no longer a heartbeat and our weel developed fetal pole had completely disappeared—and there was “debris” in my gestactional sac. Due to my tilted uterus, and the fact that I had already been misdiagnosed once wtih a miscarriage, I went in for a 2nd ultrasound the next day to confirm and then scheduled my D&C for Friday. (Our RE asked that we send the tissue for chromosome testing)

So here I am on day 3 past my D&C, wondering how to proceed and where to start and how to get over this pain. Even my husband commented today—“is it just me, or are there babies everywhere” after the 3rd mention on tv shows up in less then an hour.

We’ve decided to take 3-6 months to focus on improving my egg quality and hubbys sperm quality. We’re definately going to try accupuncture—but I’m also starting to research supplements and my mind is swimming with all that info. I’d love to hear any MFI advice you may have!

But most of all—I’m sorry that you’re here too. Drop a line and tell us your story and how we can help!


#3

Hi Geojen,

Thanks for starting this thread…I have been looking at this forum as well as the recurrent pregnancy loss forum to find some support as this is my 3rd m/c. Women on the forum have been very supportive. I am glad that you have started this…how have you been doing?


#4

Hello girls…
I am so relieved to have a place to openly talk about this heartbreaking time. Thank you Geojenn for starting this thread - it really means so much to me, and I think we will benefit from the support we can provide each other.
We lost the heartbeat on friday,I had my d&c today and now I’m just feeling empty. I’m going to take my meds with a little supper and head to bed. I will post my story tomorrow, but wanted to let you know that I prayed for all of our angel babies as I was waiting to go into the OR today.
Love and hugs to you all - Beth


#5

Hello!

I, unfortunately, fit into this forum :frowning: I just started posting in the pregnancy loss forum a few weeks ago, but have found that it is very supportive. My friends don’t quite understand how I am feeling, and although they are trying to be supportive, one of my BF just keeps saying all of the wrong things like “well at least you have 1 kid” or “just don’t think about it.” I’m sorry, but that is impossible. A loss is a loss regardless of how far along you were, and it hurts just as bad.

So here is my story…

We ttc naturally from Decembre 2010 to May 2010. In May I had a swolen lymph node and had to have surgery to remove it and make sure it wasn’t lymphoma. We started Clomid in June with no success. We had to skip July due to not getting my AF after Clomid. We started seeing a RE in August and went on Femara/Ovidrel; however, we had 0 follies so the cycle was cancelled. Sept-BFN, Octob- BFP. All bloodwork was GREAT, and my BETA was also great. We went for our 7 week ultrasound (11/21/11) and there was no HB. Had two more scans, and waited 1 week to see if things would happen naturally, but they didn’t, so we scheduled a D/C (11/29/11). The whole process was horrible, and I am still grieving. We are going to try again in January.


#6

I would love to join this too. I am not exactly in the same boat as y’all. I have had a m/c before (natural :bfp: but m/c at 5-6 weeks). My first round of IVF (in October) was unsuccessful. I will give my full story tomorrow but just wanted to say hello and thanks Jenn for doing this. I couldn’t have made it through the IVF without the support of this board and I would love nothing more then support to get through the downside of IVF as well.


#7

It is unfortunate for us to call this place home, but at the same time a relief to find a place where you can grief over your loss.

I was told on November 19 that my baby did not grow anymore and we couldn’t even find it at past 6 weeks. It measured 5 weeks 5 days for 2 weeks. This was my 4th IUI. I also lost my baby at 5 weeks in July (3rd IUI).

It’s been 18 days since I stopped my progesterone and I’m still waiting to m/c… I was told to wait a month, if I don’t m/c naturally than I guess it’s a D & C. I’m really bummed… I know like 4 other people and we were all pregnant at the same time.

I guess that’s 2 losses in less than 6 months for me.


#8

welcome!

Good morning everyone & :welcome: ! I am so sorry we are all here----but I’m looking forward to trying my best to make something good come out of my loss—and if that can be helping each other I will be happy!!!

Let me start off by saying you will rarely every see me do an official personals reply—it has always been easiest for me to reply to individual posts since I typically do my forum lurking on an iPad. Let me also apologize in advance for the awful spelling that sometimes comes along with that!

I’m a bit behind because I was a total slacker and went to bed at 8:30 last night----so you will see me getting caught up on posts while I sip my coffee this morning! That’s one way to make this thread grow!

I also wanted to share an interesting article I ran across while commiserating in bed this morning and avoiding starting my day: Holly Finn: What Are You, Barren?

I particularly found the historical figures with infertility quite interesting. I tell you—with my current state of mind—I would love to find myself in a parking lot with someone that dared utter that phrase to me—I think I would find my reaction rather empowering right now and the jail time worth it!

I tell you—every day I find myself with an internal struggle of wanting to announce my infertility & now miscarriage struggles to the world—and then just as quickly just wanting to curl into a ball and hide and mourn with my husband. I hope someday I can find an in between!


#9

Lori! Glad you found your way over!

I’m doing as well as can be expected. Yesterday was a good day as I was back to work and my Mondays are swamped with back-to-back phone calls.

I am happy to report that I am crying a little bit less each day! I think it will be better when I’m no longer taking the antibiotics & cramping meds & painkillers that I was prescribed post D&C—and stop spotting. Each one is a little reminder of the procedure last Friday—and when I think about all of the empathy and kindness I encountered at the hospital it makes me tear up each time. I live in MN ( the land of nice) and every person I ran into said something sweet or gave me those sad eyes or started to tear up themselves. And since it’s a busy hospital—I’d say there were about 12 different people caring for me and knowing my business throughout the process.

Empathy gets me every time—I cry at fake weddings on TV—so you can imagine what that does to me in a situation like this. I got to the point where I had the nurses telling each other as they handed me off that I wanted them to be mean to me—and we had some good laughs about it.

I’m also lurking the RPL thread—there is so much good info in there!

How are you doing?

[QUOTE=lori38]Hi Geojenn,

Thanks for starting this thread…I have been looking at this forum as well as the recurrent pregnancy loss forum to find some support as this is my 3rd m/c. Women on the forum have been very supportive. I am glad that you have started this…how have you been doing?[/QUOTE]


#10

Beth

Hopefully you find some peace now that the D&C is over and you’re on your way to healing for the next try! Are you back to work today? or taking some time off for yourself?

All in all—I’d say the recuperation wasn’t as bad as I worried—but I did use my vicodin longer then I thought. The first 2 days had the most pain for me—and now I’m finally just on a couple of motrin when some pain pops up.

I took off work all day Friday for the procedure, and then I spent all day Saturday and Sunday taking it easy—and I’m glad I did. Sunday night I took a nice long shower and it wore me out!!! Even yesterday I was surprised that I got a bit winded after a quick trip up and down the stairs while talking on the phone.

My husband and I spent the weekend watching funny movies. But I’ll tell you the best medicine I found—America’s Funniest Home Videos. I rarely ever make a point to go out of my way to watch them, but had some shows on the DVR for family when they visit—and turned to those for brainless entertainment. They were AWESOME therapy—it felt so good to laugh. Ever since—DH and I find ourself stopping at them when scrolling through the channels now!

Take it easy and let us know how you are doing!

[QUOTE=waitinghearts]Hello girls…
I am so relieved to have a place to openly talk about this heartbreaking time. Thank you Geojenn for starting this thread - it really means so much to me, and I think we will benefit from the support we can provide each other.
We lost the heartbeat on friday,I had my d&c today and now I’m just feeling empty. I’m going to take my meds with a little supper and head to bed. I will post my story tomorrow, but wanted to let you know that I prayed for all of our angel babies as I was waiting to go into the OR today.
Love and hugs to you all - Beth[/QUOTE]


#11

Dedication—I’m glad you found us, but I’m sorry you had to! Welcome to the group—there are a couple of us on here that started together on a thread while going through our IVF/pregnancies/miscarriages together—and a couple of others that are new as well!

I’m going through the same troubles with the few friends & co-workers that know. People really just don’t know what to say! I’ve gotten to the point where I stop folks after I give them the news and say that I wanted to let them know—but I’m not ready to talk about it yet—and change the topic.

I’m glad to hear that your lymphoma scare turned out to be a false alarm too!

Since you had a D&C, will they be doing any testing to determine whether there was a chromosome issue involved?

[QUOTE=dedication]Hello!

I, unfortunately, fit into this forum :frowning: I just started posting in the pregnancy loss forum a few weeks ago, but have found that it is very supportive. My friends don’t quite understand how I am feeling, and although they are trying to be supportive, one of my BF just keeps saying all of the wrong things like “well at least you have 1 kid” or “just don’t think about it.” I’m sorry, but that is impossible. A loss is a loss regardless of how far along you were, and it hurts just as bad.

So here is my story…

We ttc naturally from Decembre 2010 to May 2010. In May I had a swolen lymph node and had to have surgery to remove it and make sure it wasn’t lymphoma. We started Clomid in June with no success. We had to skip July due to not getting my AF after Clomid. We started seeing a RE in August and went on Femara/Ovidrel; however, we had 0 follies so the cycle was cancelled. Sept-BFN, Octob- BFP. All bloodwork was GREAT, and my BETA was also great. We went for our 7 week ultrasound (11/21/11) and there was no HB. Had two more scans, and waited 1 week to see if things would happen naturally, but they didn’t, so we scheduled a D/C (11/29/11). The whole process was horrible, and I am still grieving. We are going to try again in January.[/QUOTE]


#12

Hooray! I’m so glad you found us! I figured I’ll probably post on the IVF board in the event that anyone from there wants to join us. I also sent a private message to Roonis—and I’m hoping Classc finds us ( her mailbox is full)

I find it frustrating that there’s so many focused support threads for those going through treatment and pregnancy—but then there’s really not a strong on-going community for those who don’t fit into one of those two worlds.

Hopefully you can impart some grand wisdom on us newbies to the m/c world.

I’m so excited to hear you are kicking off another try this morning. I hope you can be our first official graduate!

[QUOTE=HopefulGA1230]I would love to join this too. I am not exactly in the same boat as y’all. I have had a m/c before (natural :bfp: but m/c at 5-6 weeks). My first round of IVF (in October) was unsuccessful. I will give my full story tomorrow but just wanted to say hello and thanks Jenn for doing this. I couldn’t have made it through the IVF without the support of this board and I would love nothing more then support to get through the downside of IVF as well.[/QUOTE]


#13

Fay—so sorry to hear of your recent losses! I’m also sorry to hear you are in limbo while you await your m/s—that must be very tough. I think I would have preferred to have waited for a natural m/c myself—but opted for the D&C because my RE wanted us to do chromosome testing.

I’m also in the same boat as you in regards to being with others who are pregnant. I have a good friend from college who is also struggling with MFI. They were saving up money for IVF, but got pregnant naturally the same time we were going through IVF. I’m so happy for them—but it will be hard as she will be delivering on our due date as well. I’m trying my best to rise above it though—and I’m so very hopeful that they make it to term. I’m jealous of her innocent excitement though—she’s already researching daycare and hasn’t even had an u/s yet—my first diagnosis of missed m/c at 6 weeks took that joy away from me and every time she talked about a future topic I had to reply with “we’re not letting ourselves talk about that yet”. A bit of a silver lining—I get first dibs on her stockpile of IVF meds that they won’t be using…

It does seem like everyone is pregnant these days—
here’s an example of all of the pregnancy reminders that came my way last Friday:
-I was going through my D&C
-another friend was delivering her first child, after going through weeks in the hospital due to PPROM
-my friend from college was having her first OB appt
-a co-worker was having her first Egg Retrieval for IVF
-a high school classmate on Facebook was announcing that she will be a grandmother for the 2nd time!!! (Yes—I am 36!!!)

I do have a funny story/bit of advice for all of you though. Do not rent the SMURFs while recuperating! My husband grabbed that at Redbox thinking it would be safe and brainless and baby free. OMG—the human characters were pregnant and talking about it all the time and going for u/s and showing u/s pictures and getting all sorts of wise smurfy-advice from papa smurf about parenting. It was so awfully pitiful to see that in our situation, and who would have though we’d run into that with the SMURFS—all we could do is laugh and roll our eyes.

[QUOTE=fay]It is unfortunate for us to call this place home, but at the same time a relief to find a place where you can grief over your loss.

I was told on November 19 that my baby did not grow anymore and we couldn’t even find it at past 6 weeks. It measured 5 weeks 5 days for 2 weeks. This was my 4th IUI. I also lost my baby at 5 weeks in July (3rd IUI).

It’s been 18 days since I stopped my progesterone and I’m still waiting to m/c… I was told to wait a month, if I don’t m/c naturally than I guess it’s a D & C. I’m really bummed… I know like 4 other people and we were all pregnant at the same time.

I guess that’s 2 losses in less than 6 months for me.[/QUOTE]


#14

Hi geojenn and everybody else,
unfortunately I’m in the same boat as you with 2 m/c in the last few months.

We’ve been ttc-ing for about 2 year now. No children (yet!).
After 1.5 years of unsuccessful :dance:we went to the fertility clinic where I found out I have PCOS. Also, my DH sperm counts aren’t that great, sometimes numbers are slightly below normal, sometimes slightly above, but no big problems there.

So I went for the first IUI in June’11 (with Clomid, ovulation shot + progesterone suppositories). To my surprise I got pregnant right away, but beta # were low from the very beginning and it ended really soon, I was 5 weeks then. I guess you can call it Chemical Pregnancy.
Then, my next cycle in August was :bfn:, but the one in September I got pregnant again. Same protocol: Clomid, progesterone, etc. All went well in the beginning, my beta was high and growing nicely, then on my first u/s we saw 2 babies with a heartbeat (which was a total surprise as I had 1 mature follicle)…my second u/s in 1 week , unfortunately, confirmed there was no heartbeat and babies stopped growing several days ago:(
So I had a D&C in the beginning of November.

It was extremely hard emotionally. To find out we’re having twins just to lose them in 1 week. And so many questions. Why did they both stop developing at same time? Everywhere else I read it’s usually one twin at a time. I had a blood clot in my uterus, so it might have caused the m/c. I was on baby aspirin, but then when I asked my Dr. if I should stop it he said I should. So I stopped baby aspirin and lost my babies right after it. Sometimes I’m thinking I shouldn’t have stopped…

I will be doing new tests - karyotype and trombophilia palette (I have higher levels of antibodies). I don’t plan to return to the clinic before spring starts, I need some rest.

I’m sad I cannot get pregnant on my own, but then even more sad that I cannot maintain a healthy pregnancy.
God know what will happen to us


#15

:welcome:

My heart breaks for you----a miscarriage is hard enough but then to run into shock after the joy of twins makes it an even harder cross to bear. I know first hand it’s easy to blame yourself for stopping a med----but the chances are so small that it impacted the pregnancy that you can’t let that consume you! I know it’s so hard though…I’ve been 2nd guessing everything I did!

I have a friend who struggled with infertility. She also got pregnant with twins after an iui and lost them at the same time. She was so worried she had a thyroid or antibody disorder. The tests never gave her a reason why—but she is now the mother of boy & girl twins from an ivf cycle!

It sounds as though you are heading in the right direction with tests. I found a great site this weekend that listed a great summary of tests you should pursue—it’s on my laptop—but I’ll repost the link for you next time I wrestle it away from dh!

[QUOTE=delusion]Hi geojenn and everybody else,
unfortunately I’m in the same boat as you with 2 m/c in the last few months.

We’ve been ttc-ing for about 2 year now. No children (yet!).
After 1.5 years of unsuccessful :dance:we went to the fertility clinic where I found out I have PCOS. Also, my DH sperm counts aren’t that great, sometimes numbers are slightly below normal, sometimes slightly above, but no big problems there.

So I went for the first IUI in June’11 (with Clomid, ovulation shot + progesterone suppositories). To my surprise I got pregnant right away, but beta # were low from the very beginning and it ended really soon, I was 5 weeks then. I guess you can call it Chemical Pregnancy.
Then, my next cycle in August was :bfn:, but the one in September I got pregnant again. Same protocol: Clomid, progesterone, etc. All went well in the beginning, my beta was high and growing nicely, then on my first u/s we saw 2 babies with a heartbeat (which was a total surprise as I had 1 mature follicle)…my second u/s in 1 week , unfortunately, confirmed there was no heartbeat and babies stopped growing several days ago:(
So I had a D&C in the beginning of November.

It was extremely hard emotionally. To find out we’re having twins just to lose them in 1 week. And so many questions. Why did they both stop developing at same time? Everywhere else I read it’s usually one twin at a time. I had a blood clot in my uterus, so it might have caused the m/c. I was on baby aspirin, but then when I asked my Dr. if I should stop it he said I should. So I stopped baby aspirin and lost my babies right after it. Sometimes I’m thinking I shouldn’t have stopped…

I will be doing new tests - karyotype and trombophilia palette (I have higher levels of antibodies). I don’t plan to return to the clinic before spring starts, I need some rest.

I’m sad I cannot get pregnant on my own, but then even more sad that I cannot maintain a healthy pregnancy.
God know what will happen to us[/QUOTE]


#16

A Fyi…

I’m lucky enough to have some infertility benefits through my insurance—it will end up being about enough for a cycle and a half—maybe 2 if they change my drugs to something cheaper on the next round.

Unfortunately, you have to jump through some hoops and enroll in their special program and use one of their approved centers—but it’s been worth the extra hassle so far.

I’ve been playing voicemail tag with my caseworker and we finally got each other live today. I had to break the news about my D&C after just leaving her a good message about being successful last week. Anyway—I was surprised when she asked me if I’d like to talk to someone. Sounds like they offer phone counseling specifically for loss after ART. Wanted to let you all know it might be worth checking with your programs if you are interested.

Hope you all are doing well!


#17

Hello Everyone. Geojenn I just recieved your email, thank you for including me but i’m sad that you even had to start this thread. I’ve been off of the forum lately i’m sure you can guess why. I don’t even feel like I can really talk about it, to be dropped back to reality after the level of elation that I felt is something I can’t describe. I haven’t even cried, I can’t cry. The feeling is just utter hopelessness. I have three frozen embryo’s left and I don’t know if I can do this again. What is the point? If the best embryos were chosen and they didn’t make it, what is the point?
Sorry that I am being so negative I guess I am still pretty angry.


#18

Hi all,

First of all, thanks Jenn for starting this forum. I was lurking in on a different mc forum, but the incident on that forum happened quite a while ago so I didn’t feel comfortable joining in.

Secondly, I’m so sorry that you are all here. It’s the pits. However, I do believe that this journey is making us stronger. We can live through this and the upside is that we just don’t know what could be waiting for us around the corner - once we have dealt with our emotions.

I don’t know if a couple of you would remember me from the Sept/Oct IVF forum. That was my cycle after my mc. That particular cycle (FET) wasn’t successful, but the next one (Oct/Nov) was. It was a slow start, but things picked up, but unfortunately I had another mc pretty much at exactly the same time as the first. I cried for the first time today.

Roonis, I don’t think it’s unusual to suppress the grief because I think we’re looking for someone or something to blame because some of us deal with this situation through anger. I think I’ve been resentful. I am so fortunate to have twins from a previous cycle, but at times even they are a reminder of what I don’t have (yet). Written down, it looks like the most ungrateful thing, but I can’t help how I feel.

My latest mc happened about a month ago now. I’m still having bt to check the hcg levels. It’s still around 30. I had one of those today. I also had another blood test at a different clinic that my RE ordered. It’s to check for a variety of issues. I had 15 vials of blood taken. The lady asked which arm to use and asked why I had a band aid on one of my arms. That’s the point that I started crying.
The upside to this story is that hopefully they’ll find what is causing the mc’s. (or maybe they won’t find anything at all, which would mean that it’s just one of those things.)

I’m trying desperately to find an ‘up’ in everything. Otherwise this world is a dark and gloomy place where just about everyone around me is pregnant or has a newborn (incl my sister in law who is expecting a baby on April 5th, 4 days after our first miscarried baby was due - she announced it on the day I started miscarrying).

I look forward to getting to know everyone better in this forum, and then hopefully see you all move out of this forum onto due date forums.


#19

Hey ladies I just want to say im so sorry and know how you feel. I went for my us today at 6w3d gest sac got bigger but no baby. I have a blood clot that aso got bigger from last week.


#20

Sarah—I’m glad to hear from you!

I so completely understand where you are coming from.

I thought I was doing really well yesterday—and then I went out in a public setting last night for the first time since the D&C. (I’m lucky enough to work from home) I realized I’m numb and angry. A simple trip to Target was like an obstacle course of emotion—and I think I failed it. I choked up at the sight of the baby & maternity section----I found myself snearing with disgust at the misbehaving children—seeing the pregnant ladies just made me green with jealousy and think about how they don’t deserve it to be that easy and don’t appreciate what they have. All of these are irrational and do not reflect my usual state of mind. I was also disgusted by all of the commercialism—there’s nothing that i want or need right now except a healthy pregnancy that makes it to term—all of the junk and advertising turned my stomach. How am I ever going to be able to get my Christmas shopping done???

Hubby and I then went to a local watering hole for dinner—and that was much better----but there I found myself thinking about how much easier life is child free and all of the vacations and toys and social life we can have if we remain childless—that morphed into fantasizing about selling our big dream home and moving someplace warm into a funky/downsized loft forever. It would be so much easier----but I feel like there must be more to life then just working!

I completely understand where you are coming at with your frozen embies too. We don’t have any—but I’m sure I’d feel the same way.

Overall, I feel so let down by the IF business as a whole. I feel like no one is trying to fix our problems the right way—and just wants our money. I didn’t get a proper WTF appt—we got it when he told us we m/c and sent me for the D&C—and he just wants to do the exact same protocol again ( asap of course). Sure—we had 9 eggs and 6 fertilized with ICSI—but only 2 made it to blast and 1 stuck—and that 1 ended in a painful m/c. For the life of me----I can’t understand why he’d want to do the same thing over again. It seems like a failure to me----but he’s happy to get me again and again for more ICSI cycles until the stars align and we finally get a healthy egg & sperm combo. Thats WRONG in my opinion.

I’m super frustrated by having Male Factor Infertility-------they just say ICSI is the only answer and that’s it. Ofcourse we could have surgery or acupuncture or supplements----but how do I know that those aren’t just more professionals who want my money—and then I’ve wasted more time giving them a shot. I feel like ISCI has made it too easy—and no one is trying to fix the core problem. The earliest children from ICSI are teenagers now—I worry about the what-ifs we dont know yet—are we passing along infertility to our children because of this? In a perfect world—I’d love to get DH’s issues resolved to the point where we could have enough proper sperm to avoid ICSI----but there’s not enough money in that route for a Dr to help me along the way.

I’m also angry at myself for being so Niave and allowing myself to be so excited about getting pregnant—i thought the hard part was getting pregnant and once we had that BFP, we’d be fine! Conversely—I’m also angry that I’m now so jaded that if I do get pregnant again—I wont be able to enjoy it!

Sarah—this turned into my rant I guess----but I will say it does feel good to write it all down and get it off my chest a bit! But with all of my babble I’m trying to say it’s okay to be angry and too numb to cry and feel discouraged…and I just hope that it helps to know you aren’t alone in having those feelings and thay I hope that with each day it will get a little bit better for both of us.

[QUOTE=roonis]Hello Everyone. Geojenn I just recieved your email, thank you for including me but i’m sad that you even had to start this thread. I’ve been off of the forum lately i’m sure you can guess why. I don’t even feel like I can really talk about it, to be dropped back to reality after the level of elation that I felt is something I can’t describe. I haven’t even cried, I can’t cry. The feeling is just utter hopelessness. I have three frozen embryo’s left and I don’t know if I can do this again. What is the point? If the best embryos were chosen and they didn’t make it, what is the point?
Sorry that I am being so negative I guess I am still pretty angry.[/QUOTE]