Sex Life, Termination, and Infertility (long)


Ok, I know this is a personal subject…BUT, If I can’t talk about it here, where can I talk about it?

Anyone else find that their sex life with their partner has been greatly diminished since this whole infertility ordeal?

Here’s my story:

My husband and I met when we were 20, starting dating shortly thereafter. Dated for three years off and on and during one such breakup, found out that I was pregnant (with his baby, he’s the only one I’ve been with). I was 23, still in college, he had no job, you know the story… We terminated the pregnancy. Biggest mistake of my life. I did what I thought I had to do at the time. I wish I more courage and faith, but I did the best with what I had. Hindsight is a *****. I went into a depression tailspin for about 2 years. He was there with me through it as I couldn’t get out of bed, as I sobbed on the floor, as I screamed and wailed and was pretty much disfunctional. I started to see him in a different light. Where I once saw weakness and selfishness, I began to see strength and unconditional love.

So we rebuilt a relationship. After the termination, we dated for 4 years before getting married. We remained celibate during that time. I couldn’t deal with sex after all we had been through. I was still traumatized by what I had done. We married and didn’t have sex on our wedding night. In fact, we din’t have sex until about a month later. Not even on our honeymoon. We’ve been married for almost 7 years now and I can honestly say that we are happy. We have an incredible relationship. We got some counseling and have reached a really good place and have stayed there for about 4 years or so.

Infertility: We started trying to conceive about 4 years ago (see signature) but discovered, that though Dh was able to conceive 11 years ago, he no longer produced sperm for whatever reason. In addition to dealing with IF, our sex life has suffered greatly. We have sex about once every few months. I’d like to have sex more and so would he (that I’m sure) but the sexual chemistry just isn’t there anymore. I love my husband very, very much and he loves me, but our sexual relationship never really recovered after the abortion and infertiliity just made it so much worse. I guess in the back of my mind I think that sex for the fun of it lead to the worst experience of my life, and we no longer have the purpose of having sex to create life, so what’s the point. ANyone else dealing with an affect on their relationship. Please share, so I know I’m not crazy.