Singles Trying to Conceive...


#1

Hello Ladies! We have outgrown the limit of 5 names per message, so perhaps a thread will be the best way for us to keep up with each other! I have sent the forum honchos a request for a sub category, but have yet to receive a reply.
This thread is not exclusive, please all ladies feel free to jump in and communicate! There are numerous sub categories, but I have not seen one for single women ttc. Our health issues are no different than everybody elses, but when it comes to the emotional aspect, well, we are a little different.
Initially I had six names in the title, but once again do not want to be exclusive…
This holiday season, I am feeling especially blessed for not just the fertility forum ladies, but the ladies who are singles trying to conceive as well…
I reiterate, this is not meant to be exclusive or to single us out (no pun intended) but rather a place to share experiences directly related to being single. I received many private messages from other singles, and keeping up w/ six or so women via private message denies others to read our experiences… In the future, perhaps a sub category will make the new single mums-to-be feel just as welcome as everybody else!
:cheer:


#2

Well said, DeeDee. The pm-ing is becoming rather cumbersome, is it not?

I’ve found the other singles on this forum to be a great support, and really understanding of my situation, naturally!

I’d love to see more singles join us!


#3

I’m not single but I want to commend you ladies for taking control of what you want in life. I wish you lots of happiness and a BFP in the new year!!


#4

Ditto with what Sarah said. I think it is amazing on how we find each other here- wether it is by being pg, doing IUI, doing IVF, being single, m/c… I know you single girls have to go through different stuff than us who are married, but we still support you 100% and want to be able to read how you are doing.


#5

thank you

Thank you Sarah for your kind words of encouragement. I have received nothing but support on this website from all the ladies… A person’s desire to have a child is no greater or no less if single, married, partnered, or if one already has previous children! We can all have our own opinions on ART, who should be able to use it and who should not… But like I said, the desire to parent is not any more valid from one woman to another. I cannot speak for all single ladies ttc but deciding to become a single mum-to-be is not an easy decision. We do not wake up one day and think a baby would add to our lives… I have wanted to have a baby since I was 30 (I was finished w/ grad school, married, living in a nice home, etc…) When the marriage did not work out (he was not ready for kids) I figured another wonderful man would enter my life and we would marry and have children immediately… Fast forward five years, it did not happen. Not wanting to marry for the sake of having children within my biological window, the single mother by choice is the route I am on… So for those of you who are new to the term single mother by choice, you know a bit about me and my story and how I am where I am!
There are several of us on this forum, and we all love the friends we have made and the information we have learned. We receive support and encouragement from all the ladies, whether married or single or partnered!:grouphug:


#6

Thank you Sarah and Jencat! Like Deej says, I have never received anything but full support from the other ladies here, married or partnered or single. You two are but an example of the spirit of welcome and support that’s to be found here.

It certainly wasn’t an easy decision for me to start down the single and ttc road. I’ve always known I wanted children, but I came to the realization that I was ‘ready’ when I was 29. Unfortunately, I was not in a situation where that was remotely possible at the time - single, still in school (again), and without my own home or an income sufficient to support a child. Several years later, I’m no longer in school, I’m established in my career, and I have my own home and a decent income. However, still single…

Ultimately, I am a single-mum-to-be because I cannot imagine my life without a child. And I’m not willing to risk that I might stay single beyond my fertile years and lose my chance.


#7

Hey Deej you know I think you rock…but I just wanted to say it again! I will always be cheering you on and can not wait for your day to come!

Miranda


#8

Hello!

I’m another soon-to-be single mother. I thought I’d share my story. Like Lilac, I’ve always known that I wanted children. I got married when I was 29 and recently out of graduate school, and I naively thought my life was on track. But at about the time I got married, my mom started going downhill with terminal cancer. My husband, bless his small heart, couldn’t deal with it and began partying his *** off and told me he didn’t want children. (He had said, like me, he wanted two kids before we got married.) Two years later, my mom died and I got divorced in the space of about 3 months. I was 32.

I also thought that Mr. Right would eventually find his way into my life. But when that didn’t happen by the age of 36, I started panicking. I’d wake up in a sweat, thinking I was never going to be a mother. So, at the age of 37, I decided to try to conceive on my own. I went to a very good guy friend of mine who is younger than I, really smart, good looking, and very self-centered. I told him my plan and that I thought maybe he was egotistical enough to want to procreate, but too self-absorbed to actually be a parent … He was perfect! He agreed to be an altruistic donor, and since we are both lawyers, we drafted up an agreement. Six months after trying, I got pregnant, but miscarried at 7 weeks. It was a partial molar pregnancy, so doomed to fail. I tried another six months, three with Clomid, and had only one chemical pregnancy. So I moved on to ART.

As you can see from my signature. My iui’s and ivf’s didn’t work. (Again, two chemicals.) For some reason, I feel that my body reacts badly to all of the synthetic hormones. So my RE suggested donor embryos. I was sad at giving up the dream of having a biological child. I think it has something to do with having lost my mother. I wanted a piece of her to continue in this world. But more important that having a biological child is having a child. So I agreed. I am currently six weeks pregnant.

Just so you ladies know, most of the “agencies” that handle donor embryos will not deal with single women. Fortunately, I was able to go through my RE practice. The embryos I was given are the result of an egg donor of my exact ethnicity and a biological father of irish descent.

So that is my story!

I’m so glad to meet a group of women going through the same thing. I actually have a single friend here who is just now starting to try the same thing. I’m taking her tomorrow for her first iui! I’ll tell her to log on to this thread so she can enjoy your support as well.

Good luck to all of you (us!)

And Merry, Merry Christmas.

Kathryn.


#9

Thanks for sharing your story with us ladies. I love to hear about about all of our different journeys with IF.


#10

Hi Ladies
Thanks DeeDee for starting this thread.
kblythe, welcome to the gang. Congratulations on your :bfp: . I’m currently 7w4d pregnant so it will be good to go through the next few months together.

For those who don’t know, here is my story -:
I was married at 22 but it only lasted 3 years and we hadn’t got as far as trying to start a family. I’ve always known I wanted children and assumed that I would meet someone else and it would happen (like we all do). Over the years I went through times of thinking I’d accepted I may never have a family but I was just kidding myself. It was always there in the background ready to hit me when friends got pregnant. At 36 I was fortunate to be left some money and decided that it was now or never, my biological clock wouldn’t be ticking for much longer.
I started my ttc journey just as I turned 37 and now, after 6 iui’s I am pregnant and looking forward to becoming a mum next August.
I feel so blessed that we live in an age when this is possible. I’m also amazed at the support I’ve had from family and friends. I was nervous about how people would react initially and worried that some wouldn’t approve but all I’ve had is positive comments and repeatedly been told how brave I am. I don’t feel brave I’m just taking control of my life. I’ve got friends who go travelling around the world on their own - I could never do that. I guess you find the courage to face whatever it takes to follow your dream.
I couldn’t have got through this without the support of the ladies on this board and I hope I can continue to support those of you still ttc.

DeeDee, you asked in a pm what its like to be pregnant. The first 2 weeks were really worrying - apart from a little cramping I had hardly any symptoms. My bbs were on fire for a couple of days but then that subsided. I was so worried that there would be nothing to see on the scan as I just didn’t feel pregnant. The scan at 6w2d was amazing. Just seeing the little heartbeat flickering away made it seem more real and I was finally able to believe that I really am pregnant. The morning sickness started to kick in just before 7 weeks. It comes and goes, some days it lasts till mid afternoon, today it was gone by about 10am. I’ve gone right off chocolate which is so weird for me, I’m normally a chocaholic. I’m not even tempted by any of the christmas treats at the moment. I’m not complaining, any symptoms are a small price to pay for the miracle of a baby and they help to remind me to take it easy.
Best of luck to you all and merry christmas
Su


#11

[SIZE=3]hello ladies :)…i do have a question that maybe one of you can help me with. i have my 1st appt.with the dr on 1/4 & i just got AF on the 19th…before that i was testing with the clearblue easy ovulation test & it read nothing, but the lines kept getting darker until AF came…it makes no sense to me because i totally skipped AF in november ( which makes sense because i started a new diet & exercise plan & i had been ill with strep throat twice )…for the days after AF this month i switched to the digital tests, no guesswork there. do those line tests work for anyone??? [/SIZE]


#12

Hi Terri- I use Clear Blue Easy and they always show when I am surging. I got the digital as a backup and both show positive at the same time. I know I ovulate normally, but lots of women don’t and these tests don’t work for them.
But OPK tests also pick up HCG. So is it possible that you had gotten pregnant and had a chemical (early m/c)?


#13

[SIZE=3]hey jen :), i know i wasn’t pregnant. i’m thinking that maybe i just used the test wrong ( there is no way i can not pee for 4 hours! ) or i just did not ovulate. i have no known ovulation problems that i am aware of. my periods had regulated into a monthly cycle on their own in 2005 & then i started taking yasmin to try to lighten up the cramps. im only took it for a total of about 5 months & i got my 1st natural period since stopping it on october 27th. then i totally skipped november & got it the 19th of this month. i mean, maybe the darkest blue line was my surge but i wouldn’t have gotten AF that same day…i never thought my body would confuse me so much! i did some reading about anovulatory bleeding, but i don’t think thats it. i really just need to be patient & see what the dr says, but its so hard! [/SIZE]


#14

Teri,

Not sure it’ll help you, but… when I use ovulation tests between when I ovulate and when I get AF, the darkness of the line does vary from invisible to quite dark (but not so dark as when I surge). Some women find that the tests don’t work for them at all… so I would definitely ask your dr. They should be able to tell you if you are ovulating.

On the not peeing for 4 hours thing… I can’t do that either! My RE tells me to have something to drink with breakfast, empty my bladder after breakfast, empty my bladder at 10AM, and do the ov test at noon, while having nothing to drink between breakfast and noon. That, I find I can do, and the ov tests do seem to work fine for me. I have always managed to detect my surge that way anyway!

Good luck! Let us know what the doctor says next month! Not long now.


#15

Teri-I can’t go for 5 minutes w/o peeing! Seriously, you pretty much can’t use them wrong. Are you seeing an RE? My new one actually wants me to test in the evening, from 5-8pm. Well, I already do…I am a 2x a day tester! I get the tests from work (we make Clear Blue Easy, well at least my parent company does). I never tried to test after I got my surge so I don’t know what it shows. How early are you testing? Maybe you are missing it, but you still have LH in your system during the 2ww so it is showing up funny on your tests…


#16

Wow! Thank you ladies for sharing your stories! I get so inspired by reading other people’s experiences, how they got to be where they are, etc… It really keeps me going.
Kathryn: I too was hoping to find a known donor who was narcisistic enough to want offspring that he had no responsibility for! No such luck, and I have read some not so lucky stories regarding known donors! I am so excited that you get to experience pregnancy and motherhood. I would think letting go of the dream of a bio child was difficult, but like you said, the dream of having a child, bio or not, is what is so strong!
Squeezan: I knew a bit about your story… I loved how you are receiving support from family and friends. You are so very brave! In my opinion, all women who decide to become mothers are brave, but especially the ones who decide to go it alone! Thank you for sharing the feelings of being pregnant. I so look forward to experiencing it myself.
I am on my 4th IUI, and hoping for a pregnancy. From what I have read about adoption (and now Kathryn’s experience w/embryo adoption) it is not easy for singles to go that route… But I trust that if one door is shut anoher will open…
Thank you again ladies, single or not, who give all of us the support needed!


#17

I think it really sucks that singles have so much trouble with trying to adoption. There are so many kids out there that need good homes. Why does having a spouse make a home any better? In some cases, it doesn’t!


#18

Hi, just thought I’d pop in and say that you girls are great! I hope you get your forum! :clap:


#19

I just posted something and my screen went blank, now I am not sure if it went thru…
Oh well! I am actually leaving the house! After my forehead surgery on Tuesday, I went to work on wed for 1/2 day and noticed I was getting swollen… Thursday I worked 3 hours in the morning and realized the swelling was getting worse! So, I have not been out of the house except to visit the doc yesterday! Cabin Fever! I look freaky but who cares!


#20

I have never seen this topic on here before but I guess I can join the group.
Here’s my story. I got married about 3 1/2 years ago and shortly before had surgery for endometriosis and was told I had a “very small window to get pg. and i better get busy.” I started my marriage while being on depo lupron for the first six months. It was rough. We immediately did the clomid and natural methods to conceive with no success. We then went the iui route with one chemical pg. I had a d/c during the 7 iui’s for uterine polyps and never was the same afterwards (funky periods and small lining). We progressed to ivf and did 3 rounds and attempted 5 really but 2 got cancelled for different reasons. NO LUCK with any of it. My marriage was never “wonderful” but there was always an excuse for the various problems we had.
We separated this summer and the divorce will be final in Jan. I made the decision back in Aug. to follow through with a specialist for Asherman’s Syndrome. I got that dx last April. Well, in Oct. I flew to California and had surgery to repair my uterus and just got the word this month that things look much better and I can try again to conceive. But, now i will be divorced and attempting on my home. I feel a lot like what most of you have written. I have complete family and friend support and it’s a big help. I should be trying this month with donor sperm and I so hope it works. I am 39 and never thought I would be in this position. I love children and have always believed I would be a mother. I know I can do it on my own but it’s scary. I’m glad to read other women have made the decision that I have to pursue it by ourselves.
Now that I am alone and a little more relaxed, I am hoping it will work. So, there’s the story.
Thanks ya’ll for reading.
Kim