Sisterly love has turned into sisterly hate :-(


#1

Hi guys I need help

I have a sister who also had fertility problems and has also got pregnant via IVF and she is currently 23 weeks pregnant. Problem is, when she told me she was pregnant I had a mix of emotions, I was happy for her as her chances of being a mum were minimal but sad for myself for still being ‘left of the bench’ (I’m older by 6 years), I never showed her it hurt and was really supportive of her!! My husband and myself decided to also go for private ivf as it seemed our only option left, my sister hasn’t talked to me since, she hates me for going for ivf :-/ and the last thing she said to me was ‘you do your thing and ill do mine’ this has broken me as we were always so close :frowning: well I have become pregnant via ivf and let’s just say I’m scared to even tell her that I’m pregnant :frowning: it should be the happiest least stressful time of my life!! My one time best friend is now my enemy :frowning: I’ve tried talking to her but she truly hates me :frowning: I am 34 for the best chance I had to do
It now

Sorry for the rant


#2

I am sorry you are going through this.

Why is your sister so upset you did ivf? I don’t quite understand. Especially since she was successful? Is it because she is pregnant and feels like you are stealing the spotlight?


#3

Yes Hun spot on xx she said ‘I was pissing on her parade’ which I thought was a little unfair xx


#4

Your sister sounds a little (a lot) immature. Hopefully she’ll realize soon how silly it is that she’s getting upset over you getting some attention as well while she is pregnant. Especially considering the fact that she also dealt with infertility and knows how difficult it is. I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all…she needs to get over it.


#5

Yeah I was confused as to why she would be upset with u for trying something she did. I don’t have sisters but I think I’d be thrilled, especially since she knows how hard it is. As IF ppl, we should stick together. Look at how someone on this forum can sadly announce their bfn and then congratulate the next person for their BFp.

She’s being really immature. I’m sorry u have to deal with this.


#6

I’m so sorry your sister is acting/being this way :frowning: She should be over the moon thrilled that your cycle worked - especially since she knows what it’s like! The cousin’s will be close in age and be best friends forever - at least they should be!
I was worried about ‘stealing my SIL/Brother’s thunder’ when we announced our pregnancy a few weeks after they announced theirs, but they could not be happier for us. This is what you should be experiencing as well. It breaks my heart that she is not there to cheer you on and support you.
There are plenty of people on here that will do that for you!!! Even though I know it’s not the same.
:grouphug:


#7

Wow, I am just floored that she is acting this way. Me and my sister were in the same position, except she can get pregnant naturally and I obviously can’t.

I got pregnant first and she did a few months later. I guess I could have felt like she was stealing the excitment, but instead I was excited that we would be going through things together!

Has she always acted soooo selfish?? Maybe y’all can sit down and have a heart to heart about it. Y’all should be shopping for maternity clothes, baby stuff together, instead of straining the relationship.

This won’t just go away after the pregnancies are over. My sis’s baby is three months younger than mine, so mine was the newborn for a few months til hers came along, but that did not bother me at all. If y’all don’t get it straightened out she will likely be jealous once your newborn steals her newborns thunder!

Sorry to hear you are going through this!!!


#8

Its so hard cos we were always so close :frowning: it breaks my heart…I just dont know what to do about it anymore. I have got to the point where, as selfish as it is, that I have to think of me right now so I cant let myself get upset by it!! As I said to my mum, I will never hate my sister, I just strongly dislike her right now for what she has put me through when as much as her falling pregnant hurt me, I bought the baby things and was there for her 100% and to not get the support back is horrific :frowning: I dont even want to tell her Im pregnant to be honest :frowning: xxx


#9

I would not stress yourself over your sister at all. It sounds like she has a lot of issues she needs to deal with. I know she is your sister, but maybe you should just steer clear of her until she deals with them. To judge you for doing IVF is crazy–especially since she did it herself. I just don’t understand why in the world she wouldn’t want the best for you. As your sister, she should want you to have happiness.

I, so far, am the only one in my family to have fertility problems. Two of my younger siblings had children this year with no issues. They both announced their pregnancies a couple of months, if even that, after I experienced an ectopic pregnancy. I was happy for them (even though a little sad for myself). I want the best for my siblings. Just because I have struggled does not mean I want others to struggle as well.

I am just floored by your sister. I agree with the others that she sounds immature. But, honestly, it seems more than that. It actually seems pretty mean to me. I have siblings that are immature, but they would never behave in that manner. I would enjoy your pregnancy. If you tell your sister and she is happy for you, then great. If she is not, I would just try to avoid her for a while. I would hate for your child to be brought up around someone who wishes they were never conceived for her own selfish reasons.


#10

Yeah I know hun, just gotta get on with things now!

She just said that she wished i’d let her enjoy her ‘experience’ before I had mine :confused: I personally thought it would have been nice to have enjoyed it together but I guess we dont always get what we want hey :frowning: xx


#11

I agree with the others, your sister has taken an extremely selfish position on this. It’s not as though you are getting married, or got engaged at the same time as her… which might reasonably be viewed as ‘stealing her thunder’. Seems she wants to be in the spotlight during her pregnancy and not have to share it with you… that is a very, very immature viewpoint, something I would expect of a teenager, not an adult.


#12

wow - i’m sorry that you and your sister are going through this and honestly, your sister needs to get over it!

My sister and i are 17 months apart and not only did we get engaged, 4 months apart, but also married 4 months apart. We also had our daugthers 6.5wks apart - she can concieve naturally, i can’t. She annouced her pregnancy a few days before we found out our 1st cycle didn’t work - was it going to be a little awkard, on my end, sure, but would i have let her know - absolutely not. My sister is currently 26wks pregnant with her 2nd, and we’re in the midst of a FET – i have been nothing but happy for her, she’s my sister. I’m sorry that your sister is acting like this - you should be celebrating this together… she’s had 23wks of being pregnant on her own - she should now welcome being pregnant with her sister…it’s not like you two are due days apart…if she’s worried about her “thunder being stolen” she’ll have the baby 1st, etc… she should be happy for you.


#13

First, Congrats. I have a sister and we are close too and over the years we have had our blow ups but we have a 24 hour rule. We can’t not speak to each other for more than 24 hours or else we will face the wrath of my mother. :slight_smile: I think you said you are 34 and your sister is 6 years younger. The youth may have something to do with her conduct. What I have learned is being pregnant is about the Mom and having the baby is about the child. So, right now she has been basking in the glory of being pregnant and all of the attention that brings. Now that you are pregnant, she feels like some of the attention will be taken from her. She has to understand that there is room in the world for more than one pregnant woman at a time. I have a feeling that as close as you guys are, there has probably been some sibling competition going on over the years. Things like this usually don’t happen in a vacum. I don’t understand how you guys go from being best friends to her hating you because you decided to do IVF. Even if she is upset about you stealing her thunder, it seems so extreme to go from one end of the spectrum to the other. Is there something missing? If you guys are close, do not allow this to ruin your relationship. Talk with her and try to move past it. If she refuses to talk with you alway leave the door open but take care of yourself.


#14

You will be pleased to know…SILENCE IS NOW BROKEN :slight_smile: xx


#15

Well, although she is your sister, I would tell you not to care about her behaviour because your goal is mych bigger than to pay attention to her irrational behaviour. It is not a matter of being immature, there is something deeper than that and I somehow doubt it was the first time you had seen such a negative behaviour. Infertility is not an easy thing, obviously, and she should pray to God that you succeed asap.I suggest that you talk to her openly later on, once your situation is stable becuse you do not want to upset yourself and cause problems to your health.


#16

[QUOTE=Chelle1979]Yeah I know hun, just gotta get on with things now!

She just said that she wished i’d let her enjoy her ‘experience’ before I had mine :confused: I personally thought it would have been nice to have enjoyed it together but I guess we dont always get what we want hey :frowning: xx[/QUOTE]

How utterly bizarre. Pregnancy is supposed to be about bringing a life into the world, not an opportunity to indulge in profound and unabashed [I]narcissism[/I]. And pregnancy is not a zero sum game, either. Her kid isn’t going to pop out 25 percent less of a child just because you happened to get pregnant at roughly the same time.

Did she even understand that you, at 34, didn’t have the time to fiddle around while she behaved like the only person in the world to ever get pregnant? It would be great if my wife were pregnant at the same time as my sister or my brother’s wife. We’d all get to go through it together. How totally backward your sister’s reasoning is.

Edit: Oh, and congratulations :slight_smile:


#17

Congrats and I’m glad the silence has been broken. I hope that you two are able to get pass this. I do know that pregnancy hormones can make one act irrational. I know it’s not an excuse, but I’m glad you said you guys are talking again.


#18

Congratulations and I am so glad that she is speaking to you! If this was not her personality previously, then maybe hormones are playing a role… I have had times in this pregnancy when I could barely care for my daughter, couldn’t stand the smell of her (and she is the light of my life!), thought about setting my pets free to fend for themselves, divorcing my husband, quitting my job, etc… all very irrational but present feelings. I feel completely selfish in this pregnancy, like I can only survive day to day (and I have a career in which I care for sick people and have to give a lot), and so there isn’t as much left for the people who I love as there otherwise would be. Most of my friends have had easier pregnancies, so I feel crazy much of the time…

Also, I think that with siblings/family sometimes our envy/jealousy just comes out in a way that it otherwise wouldn’t. You did in fact steal her thunder and maybe she needs validation and a little empathy for her feelings. And in return, she needs to have a little empathy for where you have been and what it feels like to be the elder sibling who had to feel the blow of her younger sibling’s happy news… Hopefully you can hug and make up and enjoy having your little ones be so close in age! You did nothing wrong, but validating her feelings won’t hurt!

Congratulations again!!! :grouphug:


#19

Good news… hope it is positive between y’all soon!