After being 3.3 years in the same boat, I cannot help myself asking if it is ever going to finish.Waiting is not an only problem, but what it brings along. Our course of life cannot be called normal. Recently, I had to leave my job because after all this time, the administration could not be lenient anymore because of the holidays I had to take since we are travelling for IVF abroad.So, instead of waiting to be fired, I resigned.I am busy at home, I am preparing for PhD, but it does not fill me up on regular basis.
Then, health-wise…we cannot deny all this takes its toll. At the moment, im on BC and I dont know anymore if certain symptoms come from it or there is something else going on,esp. not all the time we react the same when taking the meds.I am thinking now:if I have on-off headache and nausea from BC (which I pray to be a reason), how am I going to handle neupogen, which I am planning to take?
By nature, i am not pessimistic, but today I feel very down, sad and sort of angry. I miss some people from my work, whom I do see from time to time, but still it is not the same like on daily basis.Everybody is busy, sometimes certain circumstances occur and seeing is not regular, even with the family members.
I just feel like a huge mess at the moment, hanging somewhere in between two worlds, waiting for a miracle to happen.