Stopping all treatment


#1

I don’t have the lengthy history as some do. My Dh and I have very few issues, we have found that he has low counts and everything checks out with me. I have regular cycles, I ovulate, no endo or polyps or cysts. We tried to conceive for 2 years before seeking help and now 3 years after that we have done 1 IUI which went really badly due to a very poor sperm collection. After that we decided to save for IVF which took a year. The first IVF I responded poorly and only had 4 follicles so we switched to an IUI, immediately went into another IVF cycle where they collected 11 mature eggs and 8 of those fertilized using ICSI. We transferred 2 on day 3, 4 arrested and 2 were frozen. We did single embryo transfers with the remaining frozen embryos.

Even after all this I have never been pregnant. All the embryos were graded nicely and still nothing. This has left me completely heartbroken and unable to be hopeful about any further treatment. No one tells you how hard it is when treatment fails. I have no more money to spend on this. I would rather buy a new car then to put myself through those emotions again and knowing my track record it would just fail anyway.

I would love so much to be pregnant and to hold my baby in my arms but what will be the cost to make that happen. Financial debt, emotional scars, physical scars. I don’t think this would make me a good parent.

I am moving on at only 28 years, everyone will say you are so young you can still try so much. The majority of my 20s have been spent on trying to get pregnant I am ready to move on and live a real life. The wounds are still fresh that is why I am writing this and it is a sad post. Nobody will ever understand like the people who visit this forum.

I wish everyone here the kind of luck I never had.


#2

I don’t know if you remember me. We cycled together last nov. I didn’t get pregnant from my first ivf then either despite having 4 good quality day 3 embabies transfered. This left me searching because I knew there had to be a reason why perfectly good embryos wouldn’t implant when everything went great with that cycle. I was given some kind of panel. I had to really push the RE for it. It came back that I had a blood clotting issue that could inhibit implantation. When people have multiple failed cycles with good embryos I always wonder if they might have this too. Its not something commonly tested for but could make a difference. Its treated with asprin and blood thinning injections which I’m on from ET to the end of pregnancy.
If your mind is made up you don’t want to try again, I can most certainly respect that. If this could somehow help you though I want to pass it on. Whatever you want to do, I wish you the best. God bless.


#3

Thanks Journey but my mind is made. I’m done with fertility treatment and doctors. I live in Canada and just got a letter that my tax claims were under review (makes sense I claimed nearly $17,000) and I had to go through and copy all my receipts which opened some old wounds. My DH and I are now planning a life without children and I cannot go back to all that heartache.

I love that things are going so well for you. Thank you for all of your support :grouphug:


#4

Hi Nash, I got the same letter from Canada Revenue too - it certainly doesn’t help. Take care of yourself during this process. I’m beginning to start - realizing that my past iui was my last and it looks like it didn’t work. So this journey, this chapter has ended for me. I’m so sorry it didn’t work for you. I completely understand the financial drain and emotional wrath of ivf. Daily gratitudes are helping me see that life is good even when at times, it can suck.


#5

Hey Juia, I guess we are kind of in the same place. Sorry to hear that your last IUI wasn’t so good I certainly understand the feeling. I am slowly learning that in all other aspects that life is really good, but I also have my moments of doubt when it comes to IF. I hope you find strength in moving forward, and hopefully we can help each other.


#6

Didn’t work for me either…

Hi Ladies,
I just had my last :bfn:

Had 4 round of iuis, none of them worked. I was hoping that the 4th one was the charm, but just got dissapointed with my :af: arriving today.

I am just going to leave it. I’ve been trying for the past 10 years to get pregnant. I am 40 years old now, so I don’t think is going to work for me now that I am older.

I was thinking of doing one round of IVF, but is expensive and there are not guarantees that it will work. Apparently a woman my age has only 5% getting pregnant with IVF.

I just wanted to be a mother and give the immense love I have. I guess I need to direct my energies into something else.


#7

[quote=Fabiola]Hi Ladies,
I just had my last :bfn:

Had 4 round of iuis, none of them worked. I was hoping that the 4th one was the charm, but just got dissapointed with my :af: arriving today.

I am just going to leave it. I’ve been trying for the past 10 years to get pregnant. I am 40 years old now, so I don’t think is going to work for me now that I am older.

I was thinking of doing one round of IVF, but is expensive and there are not guarantees that it will work. Apparently a woman my age has only 5% getting pregnant with IVF.

I just wanted to be a mother and give the immense love I have. I guess I need to direct my energies into something else.[/quote]

Hi Fabiola, I wanted to offer up a virtual hug and let you know that I know exactly how you feel. Even though I am younger I am in the exact same place. I mean what do you do when your Infertility journey does not end with a baby? What choices do we now make?

My Dh and I have basically designed our lives around having children; good jobs, house, close to family etc…
now we are making some drastic changes, we can now go live wherever we want, don’t have to make so much money and don’t have to work at jobs we don’t like.

Whatever it is that you decide to do, do it based on your own personal happiness. The biggest peace maker I have when thinking about fertility treatment is even though it failed at least I tried.


#8

Hello Nash im 27 and have decided to give on fertility treatment. As you see from my signature Ive done 1 round of ivf out of pockets and had no luck. It nice to share theses feeling with someone even tho I wish the feelings were happy feelings :). I agree with all u guys. I rather spend money on other things. Ive actually gave up on faith all together today. this might sound hash but crackheads get pregnant everyday and us good people don’t. They say kids are a blessing, so I guess that mean god isn’t doing his job correctly. sometimes I wonder how life would be if I married someone else, someone with good sperm. I do love my husband and its not his fault, but I do blames him- im mean who else can I blame…right…lol


#9

Hi Chkiki18, I understand entirely and know that you are not alone. The emotional and physical rollarcoaster is enough to break one’s spirit in two. I have tried to refocus my thoughts on all of the things in life I have to be thankful for. I have a roof over my head, husband who loves me dearly;, great siblings and parents and a job that pays the bills. So many people have so much less. I’m convinced that there’s a reason for our childless life:, even if we cant see it now. Stopping fertility treatments is sometimes what you need to do for your own emotional health. You can always pick it back up if/ when you are ready. I understand why you must feel mixed emotions about your husband. I try to think that I’m very lucky to have found love. If you think about it there’s much more sorrow over not finding love than infertility. At least wegot that part right… Don’t forget life’s blessings, as strange and unplanned as they may be. Me 38’, ovarian aging Hubby 38 N/P 3IUIs; 2 miscarriages; RE recommends DE. Hubby not interested.