Surgery pushed everything back-sad now


#1

I am having a really rough time lately. I had a failed fresh cycle back in Jan/Feb this year–didn’t even have implantation of 2 transferred embryo’s. RE was a bit shocked as he thought it was a textbook case–easy one that should for sure work. It took a couple months and much more praying and confidence for our next try–FET. Transferred 2 blasts and had symptoms from night of transfer–I KNEW it was going to work! BETA day: HCG=110. Yay! Within the week, my symptoms faded away and I knew something was wrong. Yup–HCG down to 9 a week later. DEVASTATED!
Waiting for AF to start another cycle, and Horrible pain shows up. Turns out I had what RE thought was a fibroid that had doubled in size in a couple months time and needed to be removed. Another set-back as the myomectomy surgery would set us back 3-5 months til possible next transfer. Had surgery, only to find out it was adenomyosis (endo growth in the uterine lining) and it was most likely the reason I wasn’t implanting and/or was miscarrying. So now, I start depot-Lupron & take it for 3 months before I can transfer. I am devastated in all the set-backs and it is giving me severe depression. Not to mention the problems it has caused in my relationship with dh.
I just feel so down and don’t feel like I have the strength to continue on but I know I have to fight the depression and go for the one thing in life I want more than anything! I would love to hear stories from others and/or become a small support group for people feeling like I do. I feel like I have no control right now and it’s just one thing after another working against me. My emotional outbursts are crazy these days–I want to suddenly cry when I’m just driving down the street or watching a comedy show on tv.
Sorry I am having a rough day/night. I just needed to vent and hope there are others that can help or that this ranting has helped. Thanks for reading!


#2

Think of it on a positive side, you know what is causing the implantation problem. I understand how hard it is to finally get pregnant and then miscarry. Even if you do another FET cycle without a surgery, it may take 3 months anyway to start the cycle. So let your body rest and heal and then try again. I think you have a very good chance of carrying to term next attempt :slight_smile: since your doctor found this problem early on.

Just to give you some encouragement, my former RE and wife had IVF. They tried 9 cycles and at one point even transferred 9 embryos (she was in her 40’s). Finally on the last cycle that worked, he just decided to put his wife on depot lupron for 3 months (for no reason whatsoever, because they didn’t know what else they could do) and that cycle worked. She had endo but never thought it could cause problems but I guess it did.


#3

I understand how you’re feeling. It’s like your world just fell apart, and everyone else around you just keeps moving.
I think Alexi is right, you need to look at this from a positive standpoint. Now you have a diagnosis, and you are working on a solution. There is nothing worse then not knowing what is wrong, and feeling helpless.
I think these next three months will be a great time to rejuvenate, enjoy time with your DH, and start to put your world back together again. So often, infertility takes away SO much from us, that we forget who we are. This is a great time to reflect.


#4

I totally feel for you and certainly understand your pain. I had myomectomy surgery two years ago after a year of second and third opinions. When I was finally ready to start, I started cycling and was immediately told that among other issues, one of my tubes was hydrosalpinx and needed to be removed if we wanted a better chance at IVF.

Like you, we tried IVF earlier this year - BFN. When we were finally allowed to try the FET earlier it was cancelled before transfer 2 months in a row. Apparently the medication wasn’t doing what it was supposed to because of some suspected scarring in my uterus. Now I’m waiting for a consultation for a hysteroscopy. My fertile years are disappearing before my eyes because of all these surgeries and issues. I think the next one will be the last. If it doesn’t work we will try surrogacy or adoption. I can’t take any more of this emotional roller coaster.

I’ve gained wait as I’m an emotional eater (which I would like to lose some of before the surgery). It’s so discouraging…every time I get my hopes up they get dashed. And I’m sick of people telling me that it will be worth it in the end. I just don’t know.


#5

[quote=ilovemydog]I totally feel for you and certainly understand your pain. I had myomectomy surgery two years ago after a year of second and third opinions. When I was finally ready to start, I started cycling and was immediately told that among other issues, one of my tubes was hydrosalpinx and needed to be removed if we wanted a better chance at IVF.

Like you, we tried IVF earlier this year - BFN. When we were finally allowed to try the FET earlier it was cancelled before transfer 2 months in a row. Apparently the medication wasn’t doing what it was supposed to because of some suspected scarring in my uterus. Now I’m waiting for a consultation for a hysteroscopy. My fertile years are disappearing before my eyes because of all these surgeries and issues. I think the next one will be the last. If it doesn’t work we will try surrogacy or adoption. I can’t take any more of this emotional roller coaster.

I’ve gained wait as I’m an emotional eater (which I would like to lose some of before the surgery). It’s so discouraging…every time I get my hopes up they get dashed. And I’m sick of people telling me that it will be worth it in the end. I just don’t know.[/quote]

I totally get the “it’ll be worth it in the end” thing from others, too. I get frustrated, especially when it is from people that have perfect health and fertility! I know it shouldn’t bother me, but I also get sick of the “It’ll happen when it’s suppose to” thing, too. Ugh!
I also feel the fertile years slipping away. I already had to give my dh the ultimatum of baby (or trying) by 35 and now it will be here in 2 months and still no baby after 2 expensive tries. It definitely gets harder and harder the closer you get to being prego and not having it happen. I’m amazed at how much more impatient I have become since actually trying! I didn’t feel so much heartache when it still seemed like so far away.
I also think it has become a bit worse for me after thinking the problem wasn’t with me–just him–and then finding out that the growth I just had removed was a huge part of it not working.
I do have to admit that, besides the still swollen belly and bloating (5 weeks after, really?!) I have felt tons better. I always thought just the little bit of endo growth I had around my organs was wreaking havoc on my body, but now realize that the growth I was unaware of was the culprit. I have already stopped having a lot of the pain and other “problems” that were associated with it. I hope it continues and makes it easier for me to be the patient person I am going to have to be!
I totally understand the weight gain thing! I am not necessarily an emotional eater, however, I am horrible at handling stress and gaining weight is apparently my body’s way of dealing with it. Fortunately, I lost most of the weight I ideally wanted to when I had a few weeks of horrible pain from my growth (before surgery) and couldn’t hardly keep any food down because of the pain. I do not advise losing weight that way, though! :wink:
I hope your body cooperates in your next try and you are able to have your well-deserved baby! :grouphug:


#6

Totally feeling the frustration as well. I had myomectomy 3 years ago. On second 2 Ivf cycle in 2011 got pregnant, then miscarried at 8 weeks. That was 2 years ago now and I feel like I’m jumping through hurdle after hurdle. After the miscarriage my dr. basically turned is back on me. He started trying to push me to donor eggs. He was really concerned about his success rate. With a new dr. now and I’ve now been told I need another myomectomy to remove fibroids again. I’m scared sad and emotional now and no one seems to get it. As least not those close.


#7

I definitely understand! Everything about the infertility process can be so frustrating, emotional & depressing! I continue to fight it with everything I’ve got, but feel that most days I’m losing the battle! I hope you are able to get everything figured out and things go well for you!
As for me, I am 6 1/2 weeks after surgery and STILL have a swollen belly that drives me insane! I have also been having quite a few issues with my dr’s office lately which really doesn’t help the situation.