It was only after experiencing a m/c that I realised how insensitive people are! One of my ways to try and deal with my pain, was to keep a list of things you should not say to a woman who m/c’ed. I also take it upon me now to educate these people, I believe it comes from a good place, they just do not know what to say in support. I decided to share my list, for what it might be worth. If it puts a smile on only one person’s face on this board, it would be worth it!
Well, here goes my list:
- “Don’t worry, its the rotten apple that falls from the tree.” First prize goes to mother-in-law.
- An all-time favourite: I realy do not care how many miscarriages your friend, aunt, sister, etc had!! The mere fact that someone else is in such a miserable state is realy not helping.
- Another classic: That I am now super fertile. As if every woman falls preggos after a m/c! How little do ye know…
- Just being rude: That I caused the miscarriage! By driving too far, by eating ice-cream, whatever!
- I could not believe the cold-heartedness of this one: “Well, what did you expect if you fall pregnant at 40?” Seriously?!?
- Also cold: “It must be bad, but I am sure your doctor must have warned you it can happen.” Hummmm… lets think about it. So every time you climb in a car do you warn yourself of the worst possible outcome?!
- That I am strong and that I should now get over it. Jeeeezzz, have mercy, it takes as long as it takes!!! (this one was 2 hours after the d&c!!!)
- That I have been saved of a lot of sorrows and tears… Ummmm… as opposed to the giggles and smiles I am having now in dealing with my m/c?
- That, at least, now I can make an informed decision about the future. What?!? This m/c will not kill my dream of having a baby!
- That my husband and I should have some pills to calm us down and that we should go to the doctor. Good grief! We are as calm as we will get, we just need to grieve!
- “This is a course in life, not a crisis of life.” Maybe for you, you philosophical twit!
- “Luckily you will forget this quickly once you fall pregnant.” As if you would know.
- Then people telling me what I should feel, how I should grieve, what I should do. Each of us will figure this out in our own way!!!
- “Are you going to try again?” It has nothing to do with you, my friend!
- My personal favourite: “Next time, just put a pillow under your bum and lay down for 15 min after sex.” Aaaahhhhh… so THAT was what I was doing wrong! I could have avoided all the injections, meds, IUI, poking in my privates, if I just knew THAT little secret!!
I can just shake my head at the stupid things people say. Please share your experiences of the stupid things people said to you! I would love to hear it!