The whole world is pregnant.. but me!


#1

Sorry, but I’m really frustated… I got my period this morning, which means another failed IUI. As if that wasnt bad enough, I logged onto Facebook, only to find a message from my junior in college that she has a ‘wonderful surprise to share’, yes she’s pregnant. This was followed by a hopeless crying fit. Then my hubby calls from his office to tell me that 2 of his nurses are pregnant, one with her 4th child and another God knows with what. How come every woman I come across has so fertile that they can get pregnant w/o any effort at all whereas I’ve spent thousands of dollars, time and energy only to face disappointment every month? As happy as I am for my junior, and all the women getting pregnant around me, I want to know if this pain and feeling of hopelessness at getting such news ever fades away? Will there come a time when getting pregnancy news wont bother me anymore? When will I start being genuinely happy for them and not feel angry, resentful and unlucky instead? I’m very lucky to have a hubby who’s not only super normal (ie his SA) but is an angel - to put up with my crying spells, my mood swings and depressing dialogues, yet I feel like I’m so unlucky… am I not fit enough to be a good mother? why are we all having to go through this torture? it’s really worse than death. Since this morning, I absolutely have no desire to do anything, so much so that I have skipped 2 meals as I just dont have the energy to ‘get up and warm up food’ for myself. I know it’s a sign of depression… I’m way too familiar with it as I’ve been experiencing it every **** month for 2 years now. Unfortunately we dont have a psychologist specializing in IF where we live otherwise I’d get some help. This forum is the only place where I can come and vent my frustation. I know very well that majority of you here have gone through WAYYY more than I have, maybe I’m just not strong enough to put up with this fight any further - but then, what other choice do I have? To make matters worse, I will probably have to move to another state for my job, with the result that my hubby and I cant possibly have treatments together as we would have if we were living together. I’m very sorry for such a long and crappy message, just wanted to take it off my chest…
baby dust to all of you, and hats off to all the strong women on this forum who’ve gone through so much and are still sane.


#2

:grouphug: Im sorry this IUI didn’t work!!

For me what you are feeling passed along time ago. I just said to myself i can’t get sad and upset that some people have it easier than i do. My first child was a surprise after 2 months of dating. So i know how the easy girls feel. But now we’ve been at it for 10 years with a loss of triplets last year. I just had to let go of all that negative energy. It wasn’t doing me any good. Plus you never know if someone who announces a pregnancy doesn’t have infertility issues. Someone just might not talk about it. Goodluck on this next cycle!! :cross:


#3

[quote=sandy1]Sorry, but I’m really frustated… I got my period this morning, which means another failed IUI. As if that wasnt bad enough, I logged onto Facebook, only to find a message from my junior in college that she has a ‘wonderful surprise to share’, yes she’s pregnant. This was followed by a hopeless crying fit. Then my hubby calls from his office to tell me that 2 of his nurses are pregnant, one with her 4th child and another God knows with what. How come every woman I come across has so fertile that they can get pregnant w/o any effort at all whereas I’ve spent thousands of dollars, time and energy only to face disappointment every month? As happy as I am for my junior, and all the women getting pregnant around me, I want to know if this pain and feeling of hopelessness at getting such news ever fades away? Will there come a time when getting pregnancy news wont bother me anymore? When will I start being genuinely happy for them and not feel angry, resentful and unlucky instead? I’m very lucky to have a hubby who’s not only super normal (ie his SA) but is an angel - to put up with my crying spells, my mood swings and depressing dialogues, yet I feel like I’m so unlucky… am I not fit enough to be a good mother? why are we all having to go through this torture? it’s really worse than death. Since this morning, I absolutely have no desire to do anything, so much so that I have skipped 2 meals as I just dont have the energy to ‘get up and warm up food’ for myself. I know it’s a sign of depression… I’m way too familiar with it as I’ve been experiencing it every **** month for 2 years now. Unfortunately we dont have a psychologist specializing in IF where we live otherwise I’d get some help. This forum is the only place where I can come and vent my frustation. I know very well that majority of you here have gone through WAYYY more than I have, maybe I’m just not strong enough to put up with this fight any further - but then, what other choice do I have? To make matters worse, I will probably have to move to another state for my job, with the result that my hubby and I cant possibly have treatments together as we would have if we were living together. I’m very sorry for such a long and crappy message, just wanted to take it off my chest…
baby dust to all of you, and hats off to all the strong women on this forum who’ve gone through so much and are still sane.[/quote]

I’m so sorry you are going through this…I’ve been in the same position as you. All of my friends, and I mean all of my friends, had babies before me. And to top it all off, my very 1st pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, that was the most devastating thing I’ve ever went through. I did seek counseling with an IF therapist which was much needed and very beneficial for me. One important thing that I got from my therapist was to manage my expectations, meaning don’t expect too much out of yourself because you’re just going to put way too much pressure on yourself and your situation. I know it kind of sounds silly but it really did help me get through things on a day by day basis.

Also, finding other stress relievers/diversions also helped. Find things you enjoy doing, whether reading a book, watching a funny movie, going out dancing, whatever…While going through IF treatment, I tried to distract myself as much as possible, I even tried acupuncture, which is a great stress reliever by the way. Anyway, I hope that helps, hope u feel better. and good luck in your journey…


#4

Well, last week I was greeted on FB with 2 pregnancy announcements and 1 birth announcement! I certainly don’t feel over-joyed about them…but I simply closed the web page and occupied my mind in another activity!

For me, it hasn’t gotten easier. But, I have learned that the announcements are unavoidable and are just part of life. Just because I can’t have what I want doesn’t mean that someone else shoudln’t!

Hang in there… Good days and bad days come and go in this process. I teared up twice over the weekend over infertility-related issues…it’s just something you learn to deal with.

Sorry I haven’t emailed back…worked all weekend!


#5

Thanks Lucyddr, I’m sure you’re getting sick of my constant whining… sorry :frowning: Dont worry about not emailing me back, as you now know, I didt have any good news to share with you anyways. Have you started your mock cycle? Good luck with that!
best of luck to you. and thanks for bucking me up every time…

[quote=lucyddr]Well, last week I was greeted on FB with 2 pregnancy announcements and 1 birth announcement! I certainly don’t feel over-joyed about them…but I simply closed the web page and occupied my mind in another activity!

For me, it hasn’t gotten easier. But, I have learned that the announcements are unavoidable and are just part of life. Just because I can’t have what I want doesn’t mean that someone else shoudln’t!

Hang in there… Good days and bad days come and go in this process. I teared up twice over the weekend over infertility-related issues…it’s just something you learn to deal with.

Sorry I haven’t emailed back…worked all weekend![/quote]


#6

Thanks everyone and Heartiest congrats to patiently waiting 32. It’s weird how differently pregnancy news make me feel when I get them here on the forum vs elsewhere. The ‘good news’ here give me hope and encouragement- the other kind doesnt do me any good. However, as Lucyddr said, these news are part of life and I can never completely avoid them. I hope I’m able to deal with it in a healthier way though. I’m just so glad to have you guys here… dont know what I’d do otherwise :open_mouth:


#7

Personally, I go through waves where I can deal with it better and waves where an announcement brings me to my knees (once literally, as I ended up throwing up). I find announcements from my sister or in laws are hardest. While I love the little ones with all my heart and am a very proud aunt, I find it really hard because if close family members have success then why shouldn’t I?

There were also a few pregnancy announcements right around the time I found out my IUI failed and that I was being recommended for a myomectomy (between waiting for appointments, surgery and healing time, it’s been an almost 7 month wait so far - fingers crossed that I get the green light on my next appointment). I got pretty depressed and gained a lot of weight (that I still haven’t been able to lose).

Doing a lot better at the moment because I started taking anti-depressants. I’m hoping to be weaned off them if I get some good news in the future.

Anyway Sandy, a long answer but I think your emotions are perfectly normal. I’m hoping that you find some formal counselling (I went for a mandatory session at my clinic - everyone has to have one before IUI/IVF). I found it was a great experience and would book another session if I needed to. For now I’m sticking to the online forums for an informal support group.


#8

I’m sorry that your IUI didn’t work out. :grouphug:

I had a “everyone is pregnant but me” day about 2 weeks ago. 3 friends announced they were pregnant the same day and that same week 2 others gave birth. For me, the way I feel about it depends on how my day has been. I have really good days and really bad days Now that I’ve moved on to IVF I’m better abuot pregnancy announcements because I feel like I’m moving forward with a treatment plan and I’m going to get my :bfp: soon, positive thinking.

I don’t really have any advice as to how to cope but I want you to know that it’s normal & hopefully you’ll be pregnant soon.