Thinking about ending my career to focus on TTC


#1

I met my husband eight years ago in 2002 when I was 28 years old. We got married four years later in 2006 (…I was 32 years old). It is now six years later and we are still trying to have our first baby (…I am 36 years old).

I like to think that I have a pretty good engineering career (10 years). But lately I am considering quitting my job to focus on starting our family. Is that crazy? Anyone else make that tough decision to end their career?

My husband and I have discussed that I would eventually be a stay-at-home mom. I figured, why wait until we have the baby? Hopefully, I can get pregnant within this year? What’s one year sooner to quit my job?

I also fear that I’m too emotional and it’s the hormones. My job has been stressfull the last few months. Maybe the stress is wearing me down? Or maybe these hormones are getting to me?

Any thoughts and advice on this matter?


#2

[quote=deedee2]I met my husband eight years ago in 2002 when I was 28 years old. We got married four years later in 2006 (…I was 32 years old). It is now six years later and we are still trying to have our first baby (…I am 36 years old).

I like to think that I have a pretty good engineering career (10 years). But lately I am considering quitting my job to focus on starting our family. Is that crazy? Anyone else make that tough decision to end their career?

My husband and I have discussed that I would eventually be a stay-at-home mom. I figured, why wait until we have the baby? Hopefully, I can get pregnant within this year? What’s one year sooner to quit my job?

I also fear that I’m too emotional and it’s the hormones. My job has been stressfull the last few months. Maybe the stress is wearing me down? Or maybe these hormones are getting to me?

Any thoughts and advice on this matter?[/quote]

I think that is a very personal decision and you need to do what’s right for you. However, I will tell you that you may want to consider a few things…

  1. Infertility can be very expensive. I was very lucky that my insurance covers it, however when you factor in all the copays for the doctor visits and medications, it REALLY adds up.

  2. You are going to need to be distracted from this one way or another. If you want to quit your job and instead do some volunteering or take up a hobby, I’d say go for it. But if you sit around all day thinking about TTC, you will make yourself crazy. Seriously. You need to have something else in your life to focus on other than TTC. Ever hear the expression “A watched pot never boils?!” LOL.

I know its hard NOT to think about it. Believe me I do!!! But you need to have something else in your life to keep you focused and sane during the craziness!

Best of luck to you on your journey! I hope your :bfp: comes soon!!!


#3

[FONT=Verdana]Is your job stressful to the point that it affects your health? If not, then I have to caution you about quitting your job. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]I was laid off a year ago, quickly found a new job but had to change my career significantly. My job is boring me to tears, leaving me with way too much time on my hands and not giving me the challenge that I need. I am already spending way too much (of my boss’ ) time on this forum, so I can’t imagine sitting at home and having nothing at all to challenge me. I would go nutso over every little thing I felt while ttc, making an elephant out of a mouse. I would probably buy every ovulation predictor machine and kit available, take hpts multiple times a day, causing a daily roller coaster of excitement and disappointment, to eventually end up catatonic, crawled up in a fetal position on the floor by the end of the first week. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][FONT=Verdana]Hopefully, I’ve exaggerated, but you can see my point. [/FONT]If you can be prevent something similar from happening when you’re sitting at home, which would truly make you an angle in my view, than go for it. Alternatively, try to find a less demanding job that allows you to focus a little bit more on you family goal. That’s it for my 2 cents. :bsv: to you!

[/FONT]


#4

Hi Deedee,

My husband and I have been ttc our first child for the past 4 years and we recently decided that my much loved job as a pre-school teacher was wearing me thin. I absolutly adore children but infertility has taken the joy out of my teaching right now, and so I decided to take a leave for this year. (unpaid, of course!) My employer and I agreed to re evaluate the situation early next year to see where I am at. Is this an option for you? It is not necessarily quitting, but it is just giving you some time to really relax and enjoy your husband and life a little more.( Just keep your expectations low. Quitting your job won’t necessarily mean you will get pregnant.)

However, that being said, I am also warning you that not having a job can be very hard and lead to other problems…financial…boredom…uselessness…etc. I had a hard time in early September when school started up again and I had nowhere to go. I have since become involved with volunteering and it has really diverted my attention without stressing me out. I am also going to acupuncture which has helped me to relax more.

We are fortunate to have the financial ability to do this right now, however, fertility treatments are very costly and you should think about that when making the decision to quit.

I am happy with my choice to leave my job, but if I were to do this again I would make sure that I had a good agenda set up to keep me busy and my attention focused on something other than TTC.

Good Luck!

Capri:flower:


#5

Quitting your job has its pros and cons. One sure pro would be getting rid of work-related stress, which is absolutely one cause to our inability to conceive. But there are also cons, like losing one income source and a lack of distraction when things turn frustrating. Yes, we should focus on the positive and not think about negative outcomes, but it is reality. What do you do if at times you fail and you have nothing to do at home? You get more miserable. I know because I have been there. Although on the other hand, negative outcomes do affect work, too. Sigh…

But one commenter was right. It is a personal decision.


#6

First of all, stress is not, at least in my case, the reason for my inability to conceive. I could be sitting on the beach 24/7, getting massages, eating and drinking fabulous food, being waited on hand and foot for months and still not be able to conceive. So I disagree with it being “absolutely a reason for our inability to conceive.”

Second, I would be very careful about stopping your life to focus on infertility. How much time are you going to spend “focusing” on starting a family - what exactly does that mean? Scheduling and receiving treatments, taking time to relax, yes, that all takes time and attention - but as much as full time job? It didn’t for me. Perhaps you can talk to your supervisor and rework your role a little if you feel it’s becoming stressful.

If for some reason it does not work out, you may not have much to fall back on. When we were considering dropping out of TTC due to multiple failures, it was comforting to know that I had my career, school (I am in school part-time), and several other interests to pursue if I was unable to get pregnant.

From a practical perspective, I wouldn’t quit my job in this economy, especially if it’s something I’ve enjoyed. I would caution against becoming a stay at home mom before you get pregnant - you say “what’s one year” as if there is a guarantee that within a year there will be a baby there. I know that sounds harsh, but I have been in the same place mentally and what I wanted did not work out the way I had planned and hoped.

When I was starting this journey I got some great advice from someone who had been there - pursue life as if you’re not TTC or you won’t be getting pregnant any time soon.

That said, it is a personal decision. I would not recommend it, but I wish you the best of luck in deciding.


#7

don’t quit

I agree with all these girls! Their posts are a lot more thoughtful than mine. I agree with them that it is a personal decision and only you know the answer.

I will just add: if you’re good at what you do, please don’t quit. We need all the good engineers we can get! (I know a few engineers myself, and they are great people. Sometimes I wish I would’ve done that with my career! These folks have a lot going for them. )

good luck to you on making your decision!


#8

[QUOTE=deedee2]I met my husband eight years ago in 2002 when I was 28 years old. We got married four years later in 2006 (…I was 32 years old). It is now six years later and we are still trying to have our first baby (…I am 36 years old).

I like to think that I have a pretty good engineering career (10 years). But lately I am considering quitting my job to focus on starting our family. Is that crazy? Anyone else make that tough decision to end their career?

My husband and I have discussed that I would eventually be a stay-at-home mom. I figured, why wait until we have the baby? Hopefully, I can get pregnant within this year? What’s one year sooner to quit my job?

I also fear that I’m too emotional and it’s the hormones. My job has been stressfull the last few months. Maybe the stress is wearing me down? Or maybe these hormones are getting to me?

Any thoughts and advice on this matter?[/QUOTE]

My advice would be to stay at your job until you’re in your third trimester. I don’t mean to bust your bubble, but please don’t assume you’ll get pregnant when you want to. Like one of the previous posters said, fertility treatments are expensive and you need all the money you can get.

I was laid off from my job a few months ago while doing IUIs and thought, “Well, I’ll eventually get pregnant. One of these months I’ll get a BFP and I’ll be a stay-at-home mom.” Well, several IUIs and an IVF later, I’m still not pregnant!


#9

I’m glad to see this thread. I don’t have answers but it is a move that I’m strongly considering to improve my pregnancy odds.

I’ve been thinking of “ending my career,” although a bit dramatic sounding, to focus on IVF #5. Financially, I think we can make it work for me not working for a year or two, but it will be a huge hit and lifestyle change.

My main concern is finding my perfect job in 2 years, and there is no guarantee a successful pregnancy will result in the interim.

I’m scared of taking the gamble - quitting my job (which I LOVE) and not getting pregnant in the end. (I know, sounds pretty dramatic again).

I’m also scared of not taking the gamble - I may never get pregnant if I’m always focused on something at work. I’m the type of person who obsesses about work and just wants to be a people pleaser, especially for my team. It’s been difficult to shut out work during my previous 4 IVFs.

Another uncertainty for me is, I’m not sure how I can occupy my time while I’m not working, aside from the IVF treatment. I don’t have family nearby and majority of my network are my current colleagues (sad, but true).

I know I’m just rambling…so I’ll stop. Thanks for listening.


#10

Hi deedee, what did you end up doing?

I am going to offer a different opinion than the previous posters. I went through similar feelings to the ones you were having. I was putting all of my energy into my job, when what I really wanted was a family. I quit about 6 months ago. Although it is very hard financially, and that is a stress, it has allowed me to focus on ttc, and have the time to find out what is really wrong and see the right doctors. It turns out I have some immune issues. For some of us getting the right diagnosis takes not only a lot of time researching on your own, but also consulting with a few different RE’s.

I like to think that when I need another job I will be able to find one, and things will work out.

For me, I’m 37, I know that I have just a few years left to chase this dream, and I have to do everything I can or I would regret it.

also…I have not been a tiny bit bored, there is so much to do every day!

Good luck whatever you decide!
E


#11

[quote=Elika]Hi deedee, what did you end up doing?

I am going to offer a different opinion than the previous posters. I went through similar feelings to the ones you were having. I was putting all of my energy into my job, when what I really wanted was a family. I quit about 6 months ago. Although it is very hard financially, and that is a stress, it has allowed me to focus on ttc, and have the time to find out what is really wrong and see the right doctors. It turns out I have some immune issues. For some of us getting the right diagnosis takes not only a lot of time researching on your own, but also consulting with a few different RE’s.

I like to think that when I need another job I will be able to find one, and things will work out.

For me, I’m 37, I know that I have just a few years left to chase this dream, and I have to do everything I can or I would regret it.

also…I have not been a tiny bit bored, there is so much to do every day!

Good luck whatever you decide!
E[/quote]

Elika, I really like the point about using the time to research and visiting more than one RE for consults. I’m the same age as you and also realize there is only few years left to chase this dream.

If I were to end my job, it won’t be until early Fall, plus I need the months to heal from the latest IVF (I find out today whether there is a heartbeat at 8 weeks - there wasn’t one last week).


#12

Hi Elika,
I am still working but trying not to let it stress me out. DH and I also took a 6-month break from the whole IVF thing. But we’ve decided to try again in June. Hopefully, we will be blessed this year with a BFP. I know a BFP is just the first step. But we have yet to see a BFP and we have been trying since 2006 (naturally) and with an RE since 2009.

Thanks to everyone for providing such interesting perspectivies on this matter! It has helped me think about this situation with all your viewpoints.
:grouphug:

[quote=Elika]Hi deedee, what did you end up doing?

I am going to offer a different opinion than the previous posters. I went through similar feelings to the ones you were having. I was putting all of my energy into my job, when what I really wanted was a family. I quit about 6 months ago. Although it is very hard financially, and that is a stress, it has allowed me to focus on ttc, and have the time to find out what is really wrong and see the right doctors. It turns out I have some immune issues. For some of us getting the right diagnosis takes not only a lot of time researching on your own, but also consulting with a few different RE’s.

I like to think that when I need another job I will be able to find one, and things will work out.

For me, I’m 37, I know that I have just a few years left to chase this dream, and I have to do everything I can or I would regret it.

also…I have not been a tiny bit bored, there is so much to do every day!

Good luck whatever you decide!
E[/quote]