Thoughts on Spouse Drinking During Your Pregnancy?


#1

Hi all,

It may just be the pregnancy hormones, but I’ve been getting so mad the last few weeks because my husband won’t stop enjoying alcohol while I’m pregnant. We have always been a glass-of-wine-or-two-a-night-and-probably-a-couple-martinis-on-the-weekend type of couple, and this part of the IVF treatments and now the pregnancy is such a bummer.

I feel like, on top of all the harsh IVF stuff we girls have put our bodies through, now we have all the new pregnancy restrictions (no hot tub, no caffine, diet changes) and body changes (um hello! like every symptom) to contend with…and right now I still have all the early pregnancy restrictions (pelvic rest (!), limited activity, no working out, no swimming, etc). Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful to have had IVF success and be pregnant, but I’m having a hard time accpeting all the things I used to be able to do that are gone. And watching him outside enjoying our hot tub after his great workout with a beer in hand is - if I’m being honest - just pissing me off. It’s like his life is just continuing as normal while I’m the one making all the sacrifices.

He’s being supportive and pretty great otherwise, and gets really defensive when I ask him to stop. He says that this is what I signed up for and he shouldn’t be reprimanded or made to feel guilty since he is otherwise supportive.

Does anyone else have this argument with their significant other? Am I just over reacting?


#2

I’m pretty sure I had that exact same argument. Word for word. He wouldn’t budge. But eventually, I could feel the baby move and that was so much better than any 1000 drinks, that I started feeling sorry for him for what he was missing instead of myself.


#3

[FONT=‘Comic Sans MS’][SIZE=3]My opinion would be you are over reacting a tad. I think as long as your DH is being responsible he shouldn’t lose his “drinking privileges.” Maybe he can be a little more considerate and not drink in front of you? I’m sure you both can come to an understanding? Best wishes and congratulations.[/SIZE][/FONT]


#4

Its such a short time… It feels forever in the beginning but if you really think about it, its for such a short time that you get to carry this baby. There are some things that are hard to give up, but rest assured you will be back to enjoying the hot tub soon enough. (If you get a chance once the baby is here. ;)). I find myself getting aggravated a little bit more with my husband lately. But when he’s enjoying things alone that we might have enjoyed together before I just think how blest I am to be the one experiencing this pregnancy.


#5

Lord girl I have gestational diabetes and if I thought this way my DH wouldn’t be eating anything–LOL. It doesn’t bother me that my DH gets to stay active and enjoys a beer here and there. I figure at least one of us can have that alcohol or candy bar. As long as what he does isn’t in conflict with my health (i.e. him drinking himself to oblivion and thus not able to drive me to the hospital if something goes wrong with me) then I am okay with it. It isn’t the same as smoking, for example, which I would have a problem with since second hand smoke isn’t good for pregnant mommy or baby once it’s born. But As essemkay said pretty soon you will get to feel the baby and have that connection that they miss out on. My husband reminds me of that all the time. He says sure wish I could have her today and be with her all the time. He is jealous of that so…

I think you just have to find the positive and forget the rest. Yes it sucks that the majority of the sacrifice is on us ladies, but it is just the way it is and as long as he is being responsible with his activities then allow him to have those indulgences you can’t have. At least one of you get them.

Maybe try finding some drinks you can have that would suffice. I have seen that there are some non alcholic wines that are supposedly really good. Or maybe you could have him make you a virgin drink and dip your feet in the hot tub so that you aren’t missing out completely. Maybe your issue isn’t him drinking and getting in the hot tub at all, but rather that those are things you used to do together so maybe just finding some new things you can do together that make you feel connected to him will help. Just a thought! :flower:


#6

I can only speak on my opinion but I think your hormones are raging and you probably would not be reacting this way on a normal day. I can empathize though bc I feel all my DH has to do is take supplements, which he forgets half the time anyway…even though I bought a special pill box for travel and take the time to sort them by day.
He drinks quite a bit and I will likely crave the glass of wine and or cocktail while he is sucking them down. Tell yourself this-there is a reason God created women to take the burden and know that the truth is…they simply would not be able to handle what we can :slight_smile:
Smile.:clap::clap::clap::clap:

[quote=Darlee]Hi all,

It may just be the pregnancy hormones, but I’ve been getting so mad the last few weeks because my husband won’t stop enjoying alcohol while I’m pregnant. We have always been a glass-of-wine-or-two-a-night-and-probably-a-couple-martinis-on-the-weekend type of couple, and this part of the IVF treatments and now the pregnancy is such a bummer.

I feel like, on top of all the harsh IVF stuff we girls have put our bodies through, now we have all the new pregnancy restrictions (no hot tub, no caffine, diet changes) and body changes (um hello! like every symptom) to contend with…and right now I still have all the early pregnancy restrictions (pelvic rest (!), limited activity, no working out, no swimming, etc). Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful to have had IVF success and be pregnant, but I’m having a hard time accpeting all the things I used to be able to do that are gone. And watching him outside enjoying our hot tub after his great workout with a beer in hand is - if I’m being honest - just pissing me off. It’s like his life is just continuing as normal while I’m the one making all the sacrifices.

He’s being supportive and pretty great otherwise, and gets really defensive when I ask him to stop. He says that this is what I signed up for and he shouldn’t be reprimanded or made to feel guilty since he is otherwise supportive.

Does anyone else have this argument with their significant other? Am I just over reacting?[/quote]


#7

Thanks Ladies!

I’m sure you’re right and when I look back it will seem like no big deal…but that doesn’t change how it feels now. :slight_smile: I guess it’s just an adjustment period.

Maybe like you guys said it’s less about the physical drinking itself, and more I’m feeling left out of the things we used to do together. And by him not making adjustments with me, it feels like he doesn’t care, and that he’s not showing respect for everything I’m going through to do this not for me, but for us.

Ugh. I’m sure it will be better by 2nd trimester. Thanks for the thoughts!


#8

My DH is drinking more durring my pregnancy too. We laugh about it and say he needs it to deal with my crazy hormone fluctuations and my admitly crazy parents who are having their first grand baby. I’m fine with Him drinking as long as he is responsible. I’m also not afraid to tell him to slow down and surprisingly he listens. As long as DH is supporting you in every other way maybe this is just his way of coping with the huge life change.

Please know that I say this calmly now however I go from being rational about this to totaly irrational the next minute. These pesky hormones make everything unpredictable.