Time To Try Again


#1

Hello all, I’ve spent the last few days reading through the many, many threads that you share and have been really inspired by your experiences and your stories.

My name is Sara, and I’ll be 32 next month. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 18, and I guess it was still sort of a ‘new’ discovery because the accepted, expected treatment was BCP - I stopped taking them a couple of years after I got married because we wanted to start trying for children. 7 or so years of trying later and we still don’t have any of our own and I finally feel like it is time to try harder. I keep running around with the idea that maybe we just haven’t been trying hard enough, particularly in that little window where the magic has to happen, but that’s ultimately self-defeating.

Back in 2006, I spent a while with an RE - one of the area’s few specialists, recommended by a PCOS support site. In my first meeting with him, he told me that all he had to do to be recommended by that site was to give them his name, which was kind of disappointing. But he put me on metformin and made my hubby make a deposit. His results came back fine, but mine have never been great; I did six months on Clomid with no real monitoring or follow-up in between except for occasional office visits: I’d sit in the chair and answer that nothing was happening and then be sent home to try some more. They did one ultrasound (“yup, those are what ovaries with PCOS look like…”) and an HSG which didn’t give any additional insight, and then he started talking about “unexplained” infertility and wanted to start injections and I quit.

I guess I didn’t have a lot of stamina or tolerance for poking and prodding, and I didn’t want to keep feeling like a failed laboratory experiment. I guess that, in retrospect, I really didn’t try very hard or very long, but neither the doctor nor my DH seemed terribly enthusiastic about the process. I love my husband dearly, but I get the feeling that he doesn’t have the first idea about how to be supportive in this.

He has a son from a brief relationship that ended right before we started dating - said kiddo turned 11 in August. He came to visit us for a couple of weeks in June of '07, which turned into a summer visit, which turned into him staying to go to school. In 2009 the toughest family court judge in the district issued an emergency custody order that sent us (the next day) on a cross-country drive to pick him up. My DH has full custody now, which was not nearly as hard to acquire as one might think. Of course, his mother had her 4th baby this spring (by her 2nd husband, and she and my DH were never married) - and now can’t afford to pay for her half of his plane ticket for their Christmas visit because she can’t afford that and still buy presents for ‘all 6 of their children.’

He asked me a couple of weeks ago why we (me and his dad) don’t have any kids of our own. I’ve been pretty fortunate in that I don’t get asked that by very many people - except my mother who still likes to send me articles about miracle diets and full-fat dairy and avoiding soy and… - but I found that I wasn’t really ready to try and explain it to him. I ended up telling him that we just hadn’t been able to have any. He told me that we should adopt, and informed that he wants a brother his own age.

The DH and I have talked a little bit about that on and off, along with being foster parents. I even did some reading about snowflake adoptions, but when I told him about that he told ME that he still hoped we could have biological children. It kind of floored me, since he has always been so nonchalant and hasn’t said a single serious word about it in years.

So now I’m right back where I started from. The RE I saw back in the day retired several years ago, and the group he’s with (the one with my piles of medical work) views me as a new patient and requires a referral from an OB/GYN in their network. My appointment to get that referral isn’t until December 8th, which puts me soundly back in the hurry up and wait pile.

Anyway, anybody who actually read to the end of this deserves a medal. This is a card that I keep close to my heart because it is so difficult to find anyone to talk to who has any concept about what it’s like. It seems like all the women in my social circles either had their children already (and are moving onto grandbabies) or have and/or are having them now, and I always feel like there is some kind invisible wall between us.

Hopefully it will be easier this time to not feel so entirely alone.


#2

[COLOR=“Blue”][FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]Hi Sara!

First, :grouphug: from here in MA. I know it’s not a real one, but it’s the best we can do here in the online world. Know that it is sincere, and heartfelt.

Sharing your story wasn’t easy for, but I hope that now that you’ve put it “on paper” and shared it, you might find some of the weight you are feeling lifted. I know what it’s like not to have people to share your feelings with on this subject, so having found this site may prove to be of great assistance and comfort. The ladies here are very supportive, encouraging, knowledgable and helpful.

I can’t speak to your PCOS issues, as I’m not familiar with that first hand, but I know that many people on the threads do, so perhaps they will have some information for you about that.

We will never know why we have to go to such lengths in our attempts to have a child. We can only do the best we can do at the time, so don’t regret the decisions you made about what you did or didn’t do in the past. Some REs are better than others, some are more compassionate, some are more invested, and some are just more successful.

I would suggest you focus on what you can do now, to achieve your goal. Waiting for appointments (initial ones are the worst to wait for) can be grueling and taxing, but the time will pass and you’ll be getting information on what will help you.

You may want to find a counselor to talk to. There are many that special in infertility and they can be a great source of comfort when there is no one around for you to talk to. The RESOLVE website has an area that lists therapists and you may find one in your area.

My DH and I were foster parents. We enjoyed being able to help children in need, but we found working with DCF to be quite taxing. Ultimately, we decided to stop, but may look into adoption through the state.

Try and keep the lines of communication open between you and DH and, if yours is like mine, he may not say too much but he is absorbing it and just takes a little longer to process the information.

Good luck and stay strong![/FONT]


#3

Trying to conceive is never easy, trust me it took me forever to conceive and it got to a point where I was just irritated at the thought of conceiving. So after a few days of venting my stress on Facebook a friend of mine that I haven’t talked to in years started chatting with me and I found out she had finally started a family and she was going for her third child and after a little bit of me venting my anger and jealousy out on her she told me to check out Pregnancy Miracle™ - Cure Infertility and Get Pregnant Naturally . So I decided what the heck I’ve tried everything else and decided to grab a copy of it and was finished reading it in 2 days (I wouldn’t put it down lol).They guarantee pregnancy within 2 months and show you how to avoid miscarriages. They give you a ton of information on conceiving and show you how to get around being infertile. It doesn’t matter if you have pcos or any other fertility problem. My husband and I tried to conceive for 2 years and it just wouldn’t happen and at one point I was thinking about giving up and doctors advised us to adopt a child but in the end I refused as I wanted to leave something in this world that came from me. I learned an immense amount of things I didn’t even think were important to conceive. I started following the things I’ve learned and following everything it taught me like a zombie and I finally tested positive 2 months and 1 week later!!! Now a year later I’m here about to go buy a birthday cake for my son and I can’t be any luckier to be able to wake up and hold him in my arms. I’m forever grateful to it and would recommend it to anyone. Just remember you can’t give up when things get tough. Anyways enough rambling from me and I truly do wish you the very best in your journey ttc!
P.s I’m very sorry about the essay I just wrote LOL, didn’t realize I wrote so much!