Hello all, I’ve spent the last few days reading through the many, many threads that you share and have been really inspired by your experiences and your stories.
My name is Sara, and I’ll be 32 next month. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 18, and I guess it was still sort of a ‘new’ discovery because the accepted, expected treatment was BCP - I stopped taking them a couple of years after I got married because we wanted to start trying for children. 7 or so years of trying later and we still don’t have any of our own and I finally feel like it is time to try harder. I keep running around with the idea that maybe we just haven’t been trying hard enough, particularly in that little window where the magic has to happen, but that’s ultimately self-defeating.
Back in 2006, I spent a while with an RE - one of the area’s few specialists, recommended by a PCOS support site. In my first meeting with him, he told me that all he had to do to be recommended by that site was to give them his name, which was kind of disappointing. But he put me on metformin and made my hubby make a deposit. His results came back fine, but mine have never been great; I did six months on Clomid with no real monitoring or follow-up in between except for occasional office visits: I’d sit in the chair and answer that nothing was happening and then be sent home to try some more. They did one ultrasound (“yup, those are what ovaries with PCOS look like…”) and an HSG which didn’t give any additional insight, and then he started talking about “unexplained” infertility and wanted to start injections and I quit.
I guess I didn’t have a lot of stamina or tolerance for poking and prodding, and I didn’t want to keep feeling like a failed laboratory experiment. I guess that, in retrospect, I really didn’t try very hard or very long, but neither the doctor nor my DH seemed terribly enthusiastic about the process. I love my husband dearly, but I get the feeling that he doesn’t have the first idea about how to be supportive in this.
He has a son from a brief relationship that ended right before we started dating - said kiddo turned 11 in August. He came to visit us for a couple of weeks in June of '07, which turned into a summer visit, which turned into him staying to go to school. In 2009 the toughest family court judge in the district issued an emergency custody order that sent us (the next day) on a cross-country drive to pick him up. My DH has full custody now, which was not nearly as hard to acquire as one might think. Of course, his mother had her 4th baby this spring (by her 2nd husband, and she and my DH were never married) - and now can’t afford to pay for her half of his plane ticket for their Christmas visit because she can’t afford that and still buy presents for ‘all 6 of their children.’
He asked me a couple of weeks ago why we (me and his dad) don’t have any kids of our own. I’ve been pretty fortunate in that I don’t get asked that by very many people - except my mother who still likes to send me articles about miracle diets and full-fat dairy and avoiding soy and… - but I found that I wasn’t really ready to try and explain it to him. I ended up telling him that we just hadn’t been able to have any. He told me that we should adopt, and informed that he wants a brother his own age.
The DH and I have talked a little bit about that on and off, along with being foster parents. I even did some reading about snowflake adoptions, but when I told him about that he told ME that he still hoped we could have biological children. It kind of floored me, since he has always been so nonchalant and hasn’t said a single serious word about it in years.
So now I’m right back where I started from. The RE I saw back in the day retired several years ago, and the group he’s with (the one with my piles of medical work) views me as a new patient and requires a referral from an OB/GYN in their network. My appointment to get that referral isn’t until December 8th, which puts me soundly back in the hurry up and wait pile.
Anyway, anybody who actually read to the end of this deserves a medal. This is a card that I keep close to my heart because it is so difficult to find anyone to talk to who has any concept about what it’s like. It seems like all the women in my social circles either had their children already (and are moving onto grandbabies) or have and/or are having them now, and I always feel like there is some kind invisible wall between us.
Hopefully it will be easier this time to not feel so entirely alone.