Today was hard


#1

I lasted till 5 before I broke down. I just keep thinking about the baby that I was suppose to have here in my arms this Christmas. I wanted a positive this month so much but nothing. My heart aches so bad for this baby that I may never have. why why why? I just feel like dying today I am so sad and I just want that hope back. I feel like it is to much for me today. I just am sad. I hope the restof you have managed to get through your days. I know I have so much to be thankful for I was happy all morning then it the pain just started in. Anyway, hope you all are having a better day.


#2

Heidi, I am so sorry that you are having such a bad day. I totally understand your pain. I have had two miscarrages. One at 6 weeks in 2010 and one at 12 weeks in 2011. I went one cycle of shots and then my cycle was cancelled. I so wanted to have a positive this month also. Hope your evening gets better for you. Sending you lots of :grouphug: !!!


#3

I am soooo sorry. Although I have never had a miscarriage, I do know how hard infertility is, and I often get in what I call the “dark side.” Where depressed isn’t even the word.
You just have to try and believe that someday, somehow it will all make sense. Hope is all we have :slight_smile: Good luck to you. I really hope you feel better soon


#4

I feel your pain

I know what you mean. Today I spent Boxing Day (the day after Christmas) with my family and I woke up this morning to :af: which meant my first iui had failed. Then I had to see my brother’s beautiful baby girl, my sister’s cute little 2 month old and know that my other sister is 8 weeks along and I’m still nowhere. :grr:
Then of course I got the ‘relax’ ‘stop thinking about it’ and ‘just get drunk’ comments from my family members. :grr:
All I wanted was for AF to wait till I was at home to start cos its so hard when all u want to do is cry and you have to pretend to be happy. Oh well, time to move on to our second iui.
I don’t know how some of you ladies have coped doing this for years. Sometimes it feels like it’s killing me. It helps alot knowing that there are people who understand.


#5

I really do feel your pain. I too thought I’d be OK through Christmas but I was wrong. Xmas eve my DH and I took a drive around to see the lit up houses- all I could think about was all the people inside with their families and children, having a wonderful time. This of course put me into a terrible mood.

I’m glad the main holidays are over. I really don’t know how I’m ever going to find direction again when the baby I don’t have (and may never have) continues to consume my brain and heart.

How do people get through this??

My best to all of you and may this year bring everything you wish for :slight_smile:


#6

I was fine on Christmas Day, spent time with nieces and nephews. Got up today feeling sad and couldn’t stop crying all morning. Ruined my husband’s plans for the day. I’ve never been pregnant myself…3 years trying with a surgery this year. So many of my friends and family members posting baby’s first Christmas pictures. Others posting leaving cookies and milk for Santa. Just breaks my heart. Glad I was able to cope yesterday (funnily enough, playing with the kids distracts me).


#7

Thanks for all the responses ladies, even though we all have different struggles it is nice to know I am not alone. We have decided that we are going to start considering foster to adopt programs (we cant afford regular adoption). I am going to keep trying for the next few months but I just dont think I am cut out for the struggle many of you have endured for so long. I admire you all so much, what strength. I am trying to stay positive but I need to know a baby is coming one way or the other. Hope our 2012 turns out better. Hang in there ladies and thanks again for the responses.


#8

Wishing you all the luck in your journey. I know it’s so heartbreaking to go through this journey. And good luck with the foster to adopt programs. A friend of mine has gone through this and in one year went from 0 to 6 kids - all siblings - 4 she has now adopted and is still trying to adopt the other two. There are children out there that need homes and we never know what God’s plan is for us - it could be that we are to take in those needinig children. Either way I’m sure you have a mothering heart and can love any child that will come your way. :grouphug: and :pray: for good things to come in 2012.