Unreasonably depressed?


#1

Hi All

I am 37 and had a miscarriage in January 2012. We have been TTC since around March 2012 with no success.
We have been to a fertility clinic and have done all the preliminary tests which show that there are no problems at all. The only thing left to do is a laparascopy to rule out endemetriosis or blockages. I am really reluctant to go down this road as it seems invasive.

I feel sad all the time and starting to get really depressed to a point where I am crying for no particular reason. Do you think I am unreasonably depressed about not being able to conceive in the last 14 months or do we just give it more time?

Does anxiety affect fertility or is that just a myth? I had a really bad experience with the doctor and hospital when I miscarried and found that until a month ago I was still really angry about it. I have been dealing with it and do feel better about the experience. Again, did my traumatic experience perhaps affect my ability to conceive again?

As said above, I am really reluctant to go for the Lap, does anybody else feel this way about the surgery even though it is apparently minor? Any body else in the same boat?

I just feel completely deflated right now and my instinct tells me that I do not need the surgery but I am afraid that I may be confusing intuition with fear. Yes, I am really afraid to do this…however, if there are no more options I know I will eventually bite the bullet and just go.

I know I sound confused but I just don’t know what to do right now. Have we given it enough time?

Any help would be appreciated and any advice please.

Thank You


#2

I think that moderate anxiety and stress does not affect pregnancy/fertility but if you’re really stressed/anxious it’s never good for your health.
It’s normal to cry but it’s not normal to just randomly burst into tears. If you’re that depressed, I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I think you should seek treatment for that.
Infertility is definitely depressing and TTC over and over again without success can definitely bring you down. That’s totally normal - but if you’re depressed you should seek help of some kind. Maybe counseling if you can. You don’t have to feel that way nonstop.
It’s best if you’re healthy mentally, physically and emotionally.
I think for now, you should take a mini-TTC break. Get the testing done so you have more information. The more knowledge you have the better. Get some counseling if you can. Talk to anyone. Write your feelings in a journal to get them out.
I don’t think the m/c trauma that you experienced has a negative effect on your future fertility. However, it may be making you scared…understandably. That is where writing down all those feelings might help.
Maybe seek out a miscarriage/infant loss board online and talk to other women that have been through your situation.
Know you’re not alone in this. Many of us have been there. (((HUGS)))


#3

Hi Mixie,

First off, I’m sorry for your loss and that you’re having a rough time. Have you had an HSG done? If not, I’m surprised they’re jumping right to laparoscopy. If you haven’t had it done (it’s where they shoot dye into your tubes and watch via ultrasound to see if they are blocked and can look at the rest of your uterus at the same time), I would ask that they do that first. Good Luck!


#4

Hi my Love,

…man, I’m sitting infront of the screen and don’t know where to begin. First off: ((((HUGS TO YOU)))) This is not an easy process and definitely the one thing that can get a woman depressed quickly. I don’t feel you are depressed unnecessarily. This is tough and hard to bear. Especially if all you want are little pink feet.

I’m going to venture giving you the following advice:

  • You are being very hard on yourself. Your feelings are not undue, but they may need you to sit down, acknowledge them, understand where they are coming from so that you can accept your situation and move on. If you feel you need a therapist for this, please take that step. You are worth every penny you can spend on yourself.

  • Learn to relax. Learn to move through each, week, or day, or hour and be conscious of what makes you anxious, what makes you stressed. If at all possible, find ways to soften the blow. For me it meant working from 6am to 3pm to miss the traffic, taking bubble baths when I had a rough day, buying myself special tea (my favourite is apple spice camomile), making a cup and reading my book on my tablet with my classical music on my iPod…ME TIME!! I never knew it can be so fulfilling. If you like you can use this time to write in your journal :slight_smile:

  • Learn to love and laugh at yourself. Accepting who you are, where you are and where you’re going doubles/triples/quadruples your peace. You are worth every ounce of care you can put into yourself right now…and always.

Don’t forget how absolutely precious you are, with or without a baby. You have to be ready for what is coming, so I agree with the ladies that you need to be ready physically, emotionally and spiritually. Know that we’re all here for you and hope you get through this. Message me any time you want if you just want to chat, k?


#5

Hi mixie

First I am sorry for your loss. Also
I can identify with the the crying and depression I tried two years unssucesfully see my signature. 5 IUIs. Some times not having a diagnosis can make things more frustrating. Don’t be so hard on your self it’s a grueling process. use this forum I have found so much strength talking to the people here.

As far as Lap I’m just going to say my opinion. I think you should do it. In my case it was male infertility and I was subjected to all the testing procedure etc. I even resented my DH at one point. But in the end it’s worth it. Better to rule it out than to wonder and have the “what if’s”.

Accupunture really helped me calm down. I would go in sad and angry and would come out every sessions new person. I took that time durring the sessions to pray and visualize my embryos. I wish you the best.


#6

I’m sorry for what you going through its a tough time but your time will come :slight_smile: I just went through I fresh ivf cycle we transfer one blastocyst .on may 2 got that positive test back may 16 we went back to do hcg level unfortunately my level dropped… Now we are waiting to start our fet cycle
It’s been a nightmare these past days…but I wish all you ladies the best…


#7

Thank You for the support, my next step…

Hi ladies

Thank You so very much for the kind words and support. After reading all the advice, I made a decision to step back a little from myself and my emotional state. I have realized that I have been so wrapped up in my emotions and fear of not concieving that I have let go of my spirituality, faith and to a large extent myself…if that makes sense.

I almost feel as if somewhere along this journey over the last year, that I have lost sight of what is important. I have attached negative and anxious emotions to this whole process which comes back in a flood once a month when i get that BFN which then results in depression.

I have been far too obsessed and stressed! It is just not worth it. I have also realized that as a goal orientated person, I have perhaps been seeing this process as achieving a goal! When it has failed, I take it personally and it really is not personal as we all know. I also like to control everything and for this first time in my life, I feel as if I am not in control of something. I have acknowledged this and made peace with the fact that I cannot control everything, having a baby is not a goal but a beautiful process and that I have to have more faith.

So over the last three days, I have spent some conscious time with myself. I have reconnected with me! I have reread “The New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle which is all about conscious thinking/enlightnment and for the first time in a year, I actually feel relaxed and content about this journey.

I went to see my fertility doctor this morning and after discussions about timing etc. we are going to attempt insemmination as doctor and I are in agreement that our timing may have been a factor in the last few months. It may be as simple as that.

I feel content with our decision to try this route and have also made a decision to not attach too much expectation this month. I will spend my 2ww not in anxious obsession as I usually do but will accept what is.

If our suggested two attempts fail, I will then go for the lap and take it from there.

I have picked myself up off the floor, have wiped away the tears and pulled myself together.

I will update on our progress with the Insemmination. Hold thumbs:)

Thank You again!!!


#8

I did a Lap before my third IVF cycle to see what was going on - and it really was not a big deal. Very minimal time at the hospital and afterwords the recovery was sort of like recovering from bad cramps. Lay in bed for two days - was back to work on monday. So I would recommend doing the lap if as you said, you two attempts fail. Hopefully they won’t. Good luck!


#9

Yes and I will! Thank You for easing my fears a bit on the lap! Did they find anything when you went?


#10

They have not recommended this! I will ask!


#11

Hey Mixie - So glad you’re starting to feel better and that you have a plan. I agree with Irmi that it sounds like you were being too hard on yourself -struggling to conceive hits us so deep (it seems to me like our culture puts too much pressure on us to be cheerful and happy even when we need to grieve!). I had a lap also and didn’t think it was bad at all. (Weirdly, I actually think back longingly to sitting in bed all day watching movies.) It’s surgery, so it takes it out of you for awhile (my energy was low for a couple of weeks afterward), but the actual procedure and recovery was so much easier than I expected, and when we found out there were problems (endo), it was actually a relief b/c then we could go about dealing with them. So if you end up having to take that route, I hope you don’t worry too much. And if there is a problem, you have so many options.Good luck to you and big hugs.


#12

I understand where you are at. The procedure is a good idea. Maybe it will answer some question. At the least, it will eliminate some options. Last summer I switched doctors. Long story short, I ended up doing a procedure to fix my heart shaped uterus. I read a range of things online that said the minor procedure night not really be necessary, but we trusted the doctor and went with it. Good thing, because it turns out I had endometritis (inflamation of the uterus). No idea who I had it, but we would have gone through countless procedures, they never would have worked. A year later we still aren’t pregnant, so I’m actually considering a lap before doing another retrieval, just to be sure we didn’t miss something last time.

After 17 months of fertility doctors and 5AM wake-ups to sit in a doctors office, I’m emotionally exhausted. I too focus on what isn’t happening, or what should be happening. It doesn’t consume me at all times, but I’m not as strong as I used to be in handling challenges given how stressful these past few years have been. I’d love to do a better job of enjoying the moment, but its not like I can ignore my fertility issues when my husband has to give me a shot, or I have to take a pill. Lately my emotions are running the show. I’m trying to not get too ahead of myself, which causes unnecessary worrying. I have found hobbies (knitting, gardening, reading, working out, drinking!) to be good at channeling some of my extra energy, or distracting me.

As for the actual procedure, they fixed my heart-shaped uterus (which petrified me!), so I would think that would cause more cramping than you can expect, but it wasn’t too bad. I didn’t think it was any worse than the HSG procedure, better because they put you out!