Using donor eggs after having a genetic child


#1

Hi all,

I have been lurking for quite a while and have only responded to posts. I would really like to hear other’s opinions on my dilema. My AMH is .286 and at 39 yrs old have been told that I will only conceive with the use of IVF and donor eggs. DH and I have a DD conceived on our first IUI (natural cycle). She is nearly four yrs. old and an absolute joy. We have been ttc for three yrs without success. A donor egg cycle will cost us about 30K. We are both teachers and all expenses will be out of pocket. I am terrified to gamble 30K on a Big Fat Maybe. If I choose not to have IVF, DH says that I can stay home with DD this last year before she starts school. We have paid off quite a few things and can now do this. If I choose IVF, I will continue to work and miss this last precious opportunity to stay home with my DD. 30K!!! That is a scary number, but I really want another child. I will be sick if we walked away from this without a baby and still had to pay off a 30K debt. I fear that I am being selfish and that money could be spent on DD college. We are supposed to start the IVF protocol with my next cycle, which begins in about a week. What have some of you chosen to do? :confused:


#2

I can tell you my thought process but it’s just my opinion. We are both teachers too. We are working towards our first child through ICSI. IUI was never an option sadly. I get nervous and feel sick thinking we are about to spend 10k on a maybe. So 30k would just about kill me. We have decided we will freeze embryos if there are any, in case first time doesn’t work out. Will we try again? I don’t know. But I can tell you that if our first time is successful, we will be content with our one.

I think many times we go in this saying “if I could just have one”. Then we have one, and then we want two. I think you just need to decide if your DD is enough to make you happy. You’re lucky to have a DH give you the option, not many of us have that.

So what would I do? I’d stay home and cherish what I have. I don’t think I have it in me for a 30k “maybe” at what I already have in front of me. Many children are “Only” children and that’s ok.

Good luck on whatever you decide. Only you can make that choice. Write it out pros/cons, a list, etc.


#3

[quote=tb838]Hi all,

I have been lurking for quite a while and have only responded to posts. I would really like to hear other’s opinions on my dilema. My AMH is .286 and at 39 yrs old have been told that I will only conceive with the use of IVF and donor eggs. DH and I have a DD conceived on our first IUI (natural cycle). She is nearly four yrs. old and an absolute joy. We have been ttc for three yrs without success. A donor egg cycle will cost us about 30K. We are both teachers and all expenses will be out of pocket. I am terrified to gamble 30K on a Big Fat Maybe. If I choose not to have IVF, DH says that I can stay home with DD this last year before she starts school. We have paid off quite a few things and can now do this. If I choose IVF, I will continue to work and miss this last precious opportunity to stay home with my DD. 30K!!! That is a scary number, but I really want another child. I will be sick if we walked away from this without a baby and still had to pay off a 30K debt. I fear that I am being selfish and that money could be spent on DD college. We are supposed to start the IVF protocol with my next cycle, which begins in about a week. What have some of you chosen to do? :confused:[/quote]

Hello,

I definetly understand your dilema. We did 2 rounds of IVF and my insurance paid for a large portion of it, but it still cost us about $12,000. Due to my low AMH and response on the last IVF it was recommended to us to move on to donor eggs and we agree that this is the best option for us. We are doing the attain gurantee program that My11:11wish mentioned. The program through my RE’s office is for frozen donor embryos. We pay $25,000 plus a non refundable $1500 enrollment fee, but if we dont take home a baby we get our $ back. It was about $4000 more then doing a fresh donor non refund program, but since we dont have $ to keep doing this either we felt it was the best option for us since if it doesnt work the first time we can do it again. It is the same thing as doing an FET cycle. My recommendation to you would be to see if your RE offers a program like this? It is a weight off my shoulders stress wise. I wish you the best of luck whatever you do decide.


#4

Thanks so much for the insight. We have looked at Attain, but it is 40K for the least expensive program at my RE’s office. We are interested in a share cycle, but since we are using a black donor, it has been difficult to find another couple.

My11:11Wish–thank you for the sites

bella89014–25K would be workable…are you in the midwest?

Gigi3-- You have spoken to the heart of the issue for me, except…I have always wanted two children and knew from the beginning that having 2 kids was the goal. Also, I am 9yrs older than my brother and remember how much I longed for a sibling. I begged so much that now, 30 yrs later, my parents call my little brother, the most expensive birthday present they have ever given me. When I think about sharing experiences with my brother. I smile. He is my best friend and we have a shared history, loyalty, and comaraderie that is priceless. I know that we will always support each other and when the dreaded time of our parents decline comes, we will have each other. In short, I want another child, not just for myself, but for DD…


#5

[quote=tb838]Thanks so much for the insight. We have looked at Attain, but it is 40K for the least expensive program at my RE’s office. We are interested in a share cycle, but since we are using a black donor, it has been difficult to find another couple.

My11:11Wish–thank you for the sites

bella89014–25K would be workable…are you in the midwest?

Gigi3-- You have spoken to the heart of the issue for me, except…I have always wanted two children and knew from the beginning that having 2 kids was the goal. Also, I am 9yrs older than my brother and remember how much I longed for a sibling. I begged so much that now, 30 yrs later, my parents call my little brother, the most expensive birthday present they have ever given me. When I think about sharing experiences with my brother. I smile. He is my best friend and we have a shared history, loyalty, and comaraderie that is priceless. I know that we will always support each other and when the dreaded time of our parents decline comes, we will have each other. In short, I want another child, not just for myself, but for DD…[/quote]

I live in Fort Worth Texas. I might suggest looking into another RE? We went for a second opinion, not only for the medical aspect of it, but also the financial. Different RE offices offer different financial options. For example mine doesnt do a shared program.


#6

[QUOTE=tb838]

Gigi3-- You have spoken to the heart of the issue for me, except…I have always wanted two children and knew from the beginning that having 2 kids was the goal. Also, I am 9yrs older than my brother and remember how much I longed for a sibling. I begged so much that now, 30 yrs later, my parents call my little brother, the most expensive birthday present they have ever given me. When I think about sharing experiences with my brother. I smile. He is my best friend and we have a shared history, loyalty, and comaraderie that is priceless. I know that we will always support each other and when the dreaded time of our parents decline comes, we will have each other. In short, I want another child, not just for myself, but for DD…[/QUOTE]

It’s like we are the same! I have my brother who is 2.5 yrs younger. And he is my best friend. We are very close & I also feel that we will have each other to lean on later in life as well. So I know that longing for two. But sadly, that may not happen for DH and me. But u never know. I hope u make a decision that best fits u & makes u happy.


#7

De

[quote=tb838]Hi all,

I have been lurking for quite a while and have only responded to posts. I would really like to hear other’s opinions on my dilema. My AMH is .286 and at 39 yrs old have been told that I will only conceive with the use of IVF and donor eggs. DH and I have a DD conceived on our first IUI (natural cycle). She is nearly four yrs. old and an absolute joy. We have been ttc for three yrs without success. A donor egg cycle will cost us about 30K. We are both teachers and all expenses will be out of pocket. I am terrified to gamble 30K on a Big Fat Maybe. If I choose not to have IVF, DH says that I can stay home with DD this last year before she starts school. We have paid off quite a few things and can now do this. If I choose IVF, I will continue to work and miss this last precious opportunity to stay home with my DD. 30K!!! That is a scary number, but I really want another child. I will be sick if we walked away from this without a baby and still had to pay off a 30K debt. I fear that I am being selfish and that money could be spent on DD college. We are supposed to start the IVF protocol with my next cycle, which begins in about a week. What have some of you chosen to do? :confused:[/quote]

I feel you and everyone’s pain. Disc.: I have 3 biological children but age is making this last one harder. My husband earns well enough for me to stay at home, private school etc., But I have never penny pinch for our IVF cycle in Cancun using DE. I’ve gove through the IVF and fertility cycle on and off for 20 years and I am not paying to go into debt. IVF was a huge issue before I divorced my last husband.I did a great deal of research into the Central and South American IVF vacations. Some are excellent, while other’s are so-so. The cost is anywhere up to 60%. It is a very personal choice, but I don’t run into too many people willing to go broke for a chance. I wish you the best.


#8

Ok…so how are you coming to terms with this? I really want to know. It would be so much easier if I could just let go of this “Ideal” family. I know that I am blessed already and am being greedy. I am getting closer though. Best wishes to you, and thank you for the honest and encouraging words.


#9

Mamanas—What location or facility was the best? This sounds interesting…


#10

[QUOTE=tb838]Ok…so how are you coming to terms with this? I really want to know. It would be so much easier if I could just let go of this “Ideal” family. I know that I am blessed already and am being greedy. I am getting closer though. Best wishes to you, and thank you for the honest and encouraging words.[/QUOTE]

I think I mourn an ideal pregnancy & family on & off. I don’t think it’ll go away. But who’s to say what’s ideal for one is good for someone else? I would live to have 2 but if that doesn’t happen & I get one then I will remind myself that previously I was devastated at the thought of no children at all.

I know we don’t judge here…or try not to, but when I see posters say they are sad about a 3rd, fourth bfn for a 3rd child or more, I think “luckys…I’d kill for one.” And I kinda feel like they should be happy b/c some cant have them at all.

I just try to remember to be grateful for what I have. It’s hard, but can u see yourself with ur one & just provide her a wonderful life that two doting parents w/no other distractions can give her?


#11

Gigi3—Wow! That hit a cord. I was devastated at the thought of not having any children. Now I have a beautiful and smart DD.

I know that I am blessed. Perhaps I should work on focusing on what I have instead of what I don’t. Thanks. This has been such a process and over the last few months I have been trying to preserve my mental health and come to terms with the possiblity that DD may be an only child. I am now leaning (65%/35%) toward staying home with DD next year and canceling the IVF cycle.


#12

great last post - very interesting…the cost is the most insane part to this…sort of maxed out - i certainly wish i had deep pockets to dip into…maybe i’ll start buying lotto tickets again…

at this point, i have a long list of things to consider in front of me too. counselling has helped…talking it out with my partner…

wish everyone all the best in their decisions…


#13

28yrs old using donor eggs after having a child

Hello all!! New to the forum.
My name is jessica
I’m 28yrs old and3yrs go I had to have my ft removed because of complete blockage and scar tissue. After that I had surgery for cyst removal. After a long recovery we started ivf and oh that was rough!! Did the egg retrieval and the next day we found out it failed:grr:
Emotionally and physically tired we took a few years off.
Now back with a better outlook and attitude we were told that I am not able to produce eggs and I’m only choice to ever have a child again is to use a donor eggs.:grr: :confused: :confused:
It will cost us around $15,000-20,000 for the whole process. Fml

QUOTE=tb838]Hi all

I have been lurking for quite a while and have only responded to posts. I would really like to hear other’s opinions on my dilema. My AMH is .286 and at 39 yrs old have been told that I will only conceive with the use of IVF and donor eggs. DH and I have a DD conceived on our first IUI (natural cycle). She is nearly four yrs. old and an absolute joy. We have been ttc for three yrs without success. A donor egg cycle will cost us about 30K. We are both teachers and all expenses will be out of pocket. I am terrified to gamble 30K on a Big Fat Maybe. If I choose not to have IVF, DH says that I can stay home with DD this last year before she starts school. We have paid off quite a few things and can now do this. If I choose IVF, I will continue to work and miss this last precious opportunity to stay home with my DD. 30K!!! That is a scary number, but I really want another child. I will be sick if we walked away from this without a baby and still had to pay off a 30K debt. I fear that I am being selfish and that money could be spent on DD college. We are supposed to start the IVF protocol with my next cycle, which begins in about a week. What have some of you chosen to do? :confused:[/QUOTE]


#14

[QUOTE=“tb838, post: 64053, member: 77840”]Hi all,

I have been lurking for quite a while and have only responded to posts. I would really like to hear other’s opinions on my dilema. My AMH is .286 and at 39 yrs old have been told that I will only conceive with the use of IVF and donor eggs. DH and I have a DD conceived on our first IUI (natural cycle). She is nearly four yrs. old and an absolute joy. We have been ttc for three yrs without success. A donor egg cycle will cost us about 30K. We are both teachers and all expenses will be out of pocket. I am terrified to gamble 30K on a Big Fat Maybe. If I choose not to have IVF, DH says that I can stay home with DD this last year before she starts school. We have paid off quite a few things and can now do this. If I choose IVF, I will continue to work and miss this last precious opportunity to stay home with my DD. 30K!!! That is a scary number, but I really want another child. I will be sick if we walked away from this without a baby and still had to pay off a 30K debt. I fear that I am being selfish and that money could be spent on DD college. We are supposed to start the IVF protocol with my next cycle, which begins in about a week. What have some of you chosen to do? :confused:[/QUOTE]
I had to use donor eggs myself although I conceived naturally when I was much younger (but my son died in a tragic accident at 10 yrs old) and know it’s very expensive. My fertility center offers a shared donor program for a fraction of the cost where you pay for her meds, medical procedure and a $3,000 administration fee which is a fraction of the cost. I have fertility coverage but I didn’t want to gamble as you said because it did not cover the administration fee which was $10k and up. Even with the shared donor I only received 6 eggs of which only 3 fertilized. It’s hard financially and can totally relate.


#15

Cause ivf is expensive treatment American ladies visit overseas clinics. Here is an article about it: http://w*w.self.com/trending/2016/04/american-women-are-traveling-abroad-to-get-ivf-treatment/ I know few friends of my friends who conceived successfully at the first attempt at ferility clinic in Gdansk and paid only 5 000 Euro


#16

[QUOTE=“tb838, post: 64053, member: 77840”]Hi all,

I have been lurking for quite a while and have only responded to posts. I would really like to hear other’s opinions on my dilema. My AMH is .286 and at 39 yrs old have been told that I will only conceive with the use of IVF and donor eggs. DH and I have a DD conceived on our first IUI (natural cycle). She is nearly four yrs. old and an absolute joy. We have been ttc for three yrs without success. A donor egg cycle will cost us about 30K. We are both teachers and all expenses will be out of pocket. I am terrified to gamble 30K on a Big Fat Maybe. If I choose not to have IVF, DH says that I can stay home with DD this last year before she starts school. We have paid off quite a few things and can now do this. If I choose IVF, I will continue to work and miss this last precious opportunity to stay home with my DD. 30K!!! That is a scary number, but I really want another child. I will be sick if we walked away from this without a baby and still had to pay off a 30K debt. I fear that I am being selfish and that money could be spent on DD college. We are supposed to start the IVF protocol with my next cycle, which begins in about a week. What have some of you chosen to do? :confused:[/QUOTE]
Hi, hun! Sorry for your dilemma, but this is a tough moment every one has going through egg donation procedure. There might be different reasons which drive us into this path. Seems age plays also not the last role from all. I was diagnosed on blocked fallopian tubes, PCOS, poor egg quality. Doc gave us only 5 % verdict of conceiving with them. We have never have children before so wanted our tiny baby so madly desperate! I wanna say if really want to do sth nothing can become the obstacle. We have to play risk, make choices though not satisfying us as much as we wanted - but we know what we’re doing it for. Being in your shoes I would definitely go on with egg donation if it’s your only chance. We’re currently passing IVF with donor eggs in Ukrainian Biotexcom clinic and have nothing to regret about. As recently we’ve got our so very much deserved BFP!!
Dealing with the matter can be tough and difficult and emotionally draining. And the things get worse if we’re pressed with our age, so that we have to make decisions quickly. I hope you’ll go ahead with your plans and soon will have your sweet baby#2. May God bless you!