What direction to take?


#1

hi, The story would be: Married for 4 years.4 years ttc. Male factor but seems we have immune issues also. No live birth. Husband wants boys first then girls.finally after 6 frozen girls, got 4 boys. Dont ask how many retrievals been through. Transfer should be next month. Now for the past 3 months, husband has been creating problems. Pessimistic we would succeed because of the previous failures. He even suggested to get divorced abd find people that dont have immune issues because he finds his factor already ro be a huge obstacle.he is in such a mood every week for a feq days and then ok. What made me angry today is something not related ro if. Namely, he has to take a look of every goodlooking woman, even in my presence. I told him rhis before several times but no use.today when I told him, he gotmad. He told me it is normal for a manto have a look at a beautiful woman. Also, according to him, im impolite and I insulted him. Rhen, he uses our treatment to disturb ne more. He said he prayed itwouldnt succeed. Like if I am now like this, how would I be later when the kids come. While walking in the street today hw told me “see, im looking. Talk ro me when you have a body like this”. I told him that the world was big enough and that he could look as much as hewanted.at rhe end, we willbe in front of God alone. I am a believer in God and do believe in karma. Now we are odficial with each other. I dont know if I should quit on this man. Im 34. We have those 10 embryos and it was a long way. I dont mind raising kids hy myself. Once I get them, I wouldnt even care whether to stay married to him or not.his family is also good to me. His sisters dont like his behaviour. Mumwas also good but she was an old and sick lady. Couldnt talk to her. She passed away recently. So, would you have any advice for me what direction to take. Are those 10 embryos a good reason to stay and try to get some kids out of them? Thank you.


#2

Sorry but I can’t believe you are even considering this. Leave him. It would be the most selfish thing you could do to use those embryos when you know they wouldn’t have a dad to start with. Raising kids is hard enough. Take care of yourself. Good luck.


#3

He sounds like he has a personality disorder. Very cruel. I am divorced from a man who liked my barreness as it hid his commitment issues, homosexual tendencies and he liked me suffering. Made him feel better. I remarried at 37 and thank G-d every day I dont have a child with my ex narcissist.


#4

Hi Whattodo. I am sorry you are in this position. I also believe in God and would also try everything to save a marriage. This road of struggling to conceive is just cruel and hard you need support, not condemtion. My advise: RUN. You are so young. You deserve a happy loving relationship. RUN. 100 embryos are not a reason to stay, children are not a reason to stay. Not with someone like that. With what you shared with us, my advice: RUN. But do it when you are ready. Maybe get some counselling to decide on how and when. Good luck to you.


#5

Thank you and the others for sincere advice. I have something that I started with him and 2.5 years are left to complete it (im on half way). It would secure me for later on in all the aspects. So if I walked away now, I will lose all what I have invested. I dont want that. If I get kids with him in the meantime, maybe the things will calm down although I dont think so. But at least I will direct my energy toward them and wouldn’t care about him. I can always move out (it’s his house) with the kids in case he becomes worse. Thank God I am a strong person and educated. I dont depend on him financially although he is in charge of our house and ivf completely.