What if I can't give him a baby?


#1

Hello everyone !

I am very new to this and I hope letting out my feelings will help. I am 22 years old and last year after a year of trying I was told I am infertile. My fiance and I were devastated but I had made bad choices in my past which caused tubal scarring and blockage. We were told about IVF but the more I research I get discouraged by the prices and possibilty of non-conception. I am scared to death my fiance won’t want to marry me if I can’t give him a child. He’s very supportive and claims he would never let this affect us but he loves children and was so excited when we were trying and gets really bummed when everyone around us has a pregnancy annoucement that I am worried. Does anyone have any words of support ?? Thank you for listening !!


#2

I have a fiance and even though we have not ttc yet as soon as we are married I know we will start ttc. I can tell you that he does want children but he knows and understands that I am infertile and ttc may not result in a child ever. I just want you to know that you shouldn’t let these thoughts consume you, communicate your feelings to your fiance and have a heart to heart with him about your worries. He wants to commit his life to you and that means so much. Love endures all things. Talk to him I’m sure he will put your mind and heart at ease.


#3

Please remember that there are many different ways to have a child (IF treatments, adoptions, foster care, etc). Most people do not pick their partners based on whether they can conceive or not. If the issue was with your fiance would you hit the road? I am guessing not. Quality people would not end a relationship due to a person not being able to conceive and it sounds like your fiance is a great and compassionate partner. You have to trust him at his word. Be honest and open with him about your concerns and feelings. Talk things out and try to work out a plan together. You are so young and it really stinks to be experiencing this so :grouphug: to you. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Be good to yourself and your fiance and give him the credit he deserves for being a great guy and the exact type of mate that can and will help you through this rough path. Best of luck to you! :flower:


#4

sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Even though I’m married, there are times when I wonder if my DH wished he’d married someone who could give him kids - even though he NEVER made me feel that way. Yet, to clear my mind, I had a talk with him last night when I point blank asked him if he ever regretted marrying a subfertile woman like me, and he thought it was the biggest joke ever, because according to him, only in soap operas do people leave their partners for such ‘stupid’ things (it’s definitely not stupid for me though). He said what the other posters have said: one doesnt marry Just to procreate, you marry for love, and love overcomes everything. I’m not saying that IF is a walk in the park, it certainly drains many relationships, emotionally, physically and financially, however the most important thing is: if your partner truly loves you, then he’d NEVER leave you for this. If God forbid, he does have a change of heart, then he’s not worthy of you anyways. I know I would Never consider marrying any guy other than the one I did, even if he had 0 sperm, yet women think differently than men, and both genders have their own priorities… Be honest with him, give him different options like ivf vs adoption (since you have time, you can start saving up for that right away), and leave the rest to him. If he comes back to you, he’s a keeper and does truly love you. I hope that’s what happens for you. Best of luck and :grouphug:


#5

At 22 your chances of concieving through IVF are great! If blocked tubes are your only problem you wi;ll be pregnant in no time!!! And Yes its expensive…but worth EVERY penny…and if your fiance loves you, he will stand by you!:flower:


#6

My husband can’t give me a baby. When we first got the diagnosis he told me that he’d understand if I wanted a divorce. Never in a million years did I ever consider that as an option. Infertility doesn’t just happen to one person. It happens to the both of you. It can make your relationship stronger. I know it did ours. There are many different routes to become parents. Don’t give up yet…you’re only 22. You will find a way together.


#7

Hi. Laproscopy might clear your tubes. Aetna insurance pays for ivf i hear. Certain companies in states like nj are required to pay for portions of family planning like ivf if you work for company more than 50 employees. I read clomid can stop implantation so i went back to natural. My doc says my tubes are open but has scarring/adhesions. Im considering that test.


#8

[B]I agree with all the posts. I wish you extreme luck in the future and like ewunia said your chances on conceiving thru ivf at 22 are high. You could start saving up.:flower: [/B]


#9

Thank you all !!

Thank you all so much for the kind words, you are all truly amazing women and I feel blessed to have found this site ! I really needed the encouragement and insight of women who understand me. @Lovely … I had a laparoscopy done and was told my tubes were opened but after then TTC and no results I was told they must have closed again which I was told is common. But :grouphug: to you all and thanks again !